To think I deserved it so dh shouldn’t be annoyed?

[Stupidanduseless]

Dh has been a bad mood all day, I guess like most of us he’s worried although he’s always got a short temper. He didn’t get up until 1pm and then I did something stupid - unintentionally, I mean I made a decision that was stupid but I didn’t do it to annoy him - and he lost his temper. Told me I was selfish and stupid and then not to talk to him because he was angry. Told me I don’t put my family first and I’m useless.
Afterwards I self harmed, not that badly, mainly bruises, some cuts. He’s annoyed again, I didn’t show him but he’s just seen. The bruises are quite noticeable and big but will usually be covered so it’s not a problem. I just think - I deserve it.

I am dreading the next 12-16 however long weeks.

If you’re in an unsafe situation it genuinely might be worth looking into living with your parents if possible.

If you don’t think he would physically harm you, I’d recommend staying out of each other’s way and not speaking. I mean he’s given you an easy “out” by telling you not to speak to him. Just act like you’re random housemates. There’s no point getting into arguments and having him constantly berate you otherwise.

Whilst I would normally suggest staying away from elderly people at the moment, someone in your situation would be my exception to the rule.

You need to pack up everything you can and take it to your parents and then stay there with it.

What kind of health problems do your parents have? If it's the normal aches and pains of getting older, maybe a bit unsteady on their feet or arthritis etc then if you were living with them and self isolated as much as possible then you wouldn't be putting them at risk.

Well, your husband is abusive. So what you think is normal will actually be way, way out of the realms of normal. You cannot trust your own judgement.

This ^^

Your "normal" is not normal at all. A normal, functional marriage is not like this. You need to leave this bullying, abusive man. He does not deserve you, and you do not deserve to be bullied and disrespected like this.

Your husband is abusive. You're minimising his abuse & your self harm, which is an understandable coping strategy. You don't deserve abuse, you did a nice thing. Can you take a long hard look at why you are staying with him? This is not what a relationship is supposed to be like. A relationship is about mutual love & support, not constant put downs, control over how you interact with family etc. Isolating you from family or complaining you put them first all the time is a huge red flag.

You didn’t deserve it. I’m so sad that you are having to deal with this right now. What you did was an act of kindness. I have done the same with my dad. Please get help for your self harming and this abusive relationship you are in. No one deserves to be treated like this. Xx

We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like this, OP. We wanted to share Mind's information with you - it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now: www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/helping-yourself-now

Please do think about exploring some of the options in the link above. Samaritans are there for you too, 24/7, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide here. We're going to move this thread to our mental health section now.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ.

Your husband is abusive. You did something lovely for your parents. You did not deserve the self harm. It is that simple.

Unfortunately, I don't think it will be that simple in your head. Please try to get some help in real life