Please please help

[emptyandlost]

I've name changed this as some of you know me and would probably be shocked at this. I feel so depressed and low that I honestly feel my family would be better off without me. I've been like this for a few months, I'm on AD's and I've had counselling. It helps a bit but then i just sink rightback down again. What i need to know is, will it always feel like this? Will life ever start to get better? I know I have so much to be grateful for - lovely husband and children - but I just feel like I'm sinking without trace. I don't know where to turn. My doctor has been helpful but i don't know what more she can do. I feel like i've lost the will to live and i'm so frightened.

so so sorry to read about your sadness - you are in a dark place at the mo...it will get better...hang on in

let the Ad's work, deep breath, try to take care, keep talking about what u feel dont bottle up pain it just eats away if u do

FACT
you are a beautiful person
You are a great mum
Great wife/DP
Great friend
You are Funny
Your children would be lost without mummy

FACT
you just dont believe it is so at the mo

E&L I think you might be me. I went through a period a while ago when I totally trashed everything that was good around me because I didn't believe I was worthy of it. It caused terrible pain and hurt to the people I love most but most of all to me - I almost went deep under. Now things are a lot better but I still have this nagging feeling that I 'shouldn't' be happy, because of all the awful things I said and did (which wouldn't have happened in the first place if I'd allowed myself to be happy - aaaghghgh!) I also over-analyse horribly - never used to but got into the habit and tried to see every single possibility in every single situation, couldn't just live for the day. It's terrible, it screws you up and stops you from living.

The solution? I don't know - I struggle with it every day. But therapy helped, as did ADs, as did an amazing GP, as did time and space and lots of telling myself that I was ok. As my cousin put it when I was at my most self-hating - you haven't killed anyone, you're not a bad person. And she's right, you haven't and you're not.