Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part three)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Filling up a second thread,here's a new one to keep that support running!

This thread is a supportive,non judgemental space for those who have anxious children,or care for children with anxiety

You can pop in and just offload,or stick with us and share ideas etc

Caring for an anxious child can feel like it dominates your existence and drains every last drop of energy you have,and the sadness of watching your child's distress can be overwhelming.only those who have lived it truly understand that

We also love to hear successes.it can be hard in real life sharing something you are proud of your child achieving if others do it as standard.we get that and it's good to have somewhere where people are pleased for those little wins

You are no longer alone

daynot sure how much to share in session tell them everything.without a full picture they can't offer the best support/advice
With regards college,assume induction is online?could you talk to someone regarding concerns D's pastoral care?
I'm hoping when we get dd2 GCSE results to have quick chat with 6th firm head of year.hesalreadybeen bought up to speed on dd2 problems,but a touch base/name to face will be beneficial I think.for us good support/links with school were invaluable last year for dd2.shes much more poorly now,but we shall just have to wait and see if she can muster enough to attend/participate onlinedep on whAt happens with covid

Youngest initial assessment at camhs tom

Everyone been very antsy last 24 hrs.ds not coping with reality school is returning and he will be part to this,whether in person/online.dd2 fretting result/how will manage 6th form

Zoo sorry anxiety is high. Good luck tomorrow. I'm probably teaching you to suck eggs, but if you haven't, write a list of points to tell them, so afterwards you don't think "I should have told them that."

Personally, I wouldn't leave it until results day to speak the head of year. Do you have their email address?

Have you and DS visited the school?

I am terrified of school re opening for DS2&3. They have restarted some clubs that are outside, but school is a whole different ball game. I realise it is my anxiety, and the stats suggest children with their illness aren't as badly hit as first assumed, but I am petrified of them catching it. How can it be safe for recently de-shielded DC to be back in school with little to no social distancing?

Day as I posted previously my advice is to apply for an EHCNA now. The process takes 20 weeks, and that is if you don't need to appeal. An EHCP gives access to education, therapeutic input and other therapies until 25.

CAMHS aren't going to do the leg work for you. DC whose parents fight and can navigate the system get better education and support. You only have to look at the SN boards to see that. CAMHS may not even give you accurate advice. Either because they are not education law specialists, they perpetuate myths about EHCPs or because an EHCP may tie them to providing more support. By not advising you to apply for an EHCP they are already missing support DS could access.

If you haven't already spoken to the college get in touch. If you have, let whoever you spoke to know DS may not be well enough to attend the induction. Ask if his tutor will email/phone him to introduce themselves - Zoo this would help DD2 too.

My concern if DS doesn't do something (not necessarily college. Life skills, exercise and hobbies and as his MH improves volunteering, work experience, small job, short course etc.) this year would be that you would struggle to get him to re-engage, and he would remain NEET.

Agree with Zoo. You should tell then everything. Without the full picture they can't help. If you don't give them the background and they later find out that will raise questions. Don't underestimate grief. Whilst it is tempting to bury it, that isn't helpful long term.

Your mood/anxiety/stress will effect DS' (and DD's) anxiety. I take ADs, I wouldn't otherwise take, because it helps DS1 if I am more level. His anxiety is closely attuned to my stress/anxiety. Even if your DS doesn't consciously pick up on your stress, he will unconsciously.

There are bereavement charities that can help advise and some offer counselling, but there will be a wait.

Youngminds have a parent helpline too.

He does have SEN. MH is a a type of SEN. It comes under the category SEMH. Your DS has SEN (his level of MH difficulties means he does) and needs support to access education therefore he needs SEN provision. The only way to guarantee the support your DS needs to access education is via an EHCP. An EHCP could guarantee him more MH support too.

It is a myth you need to be behind to get an EHCP. You can be academically able and get one. DS1&3 are both academically able and have EHCPs, and there are many other parents with bright DC on MN who have them too, including some who are 2e. DS1's EHCP is solely because of his MH.

Agree hop .D's is bright but has one

Zoo I hope today went/goes well.

I agree, the level of risk in schools, particularly secondary, wouldn't be acceptable in other settings.

I too have considered not sending DS2&3. Holding me back is a) the LA would quickly amend DS3's EHCP to EHE, thus relieving them of their duties, b) DS3 has preferred working at home, I worry it would tip into school refusal, and c) DS2 needs the social contact.

As much as I worry and would like to wrap DS' in cotton wool, we need to balance quality of life. Ordinarily, their medical condition means we weigh up the risk of any infection causing irreversible damage with the need for them to live as normally as possible. So, I'm trying to see this as an extension of those decisions.

Day another thought, did either family member receive hospice care? I had counselling via DD1's, and DS' had some play therapy sessions.

hop I struggle to take such a balanced view
Camhs call was over 2HOURS in the end.flags for low understanding of feelings and literal understanding.some sensory stuff.hes going to converse other staff next week and highly likely assessment for ASD.sen support potentially drafted in for her support,rather than camhs.he said I should hear something within two weeks

Camhs contacted me regarding dd2 anxiety support group.theyve been told yesterday a definite no to return of group as not "covid safe".they now looking to support her thru video links,which she's highly anxious about as doesn't have time to prepare/can be taken by surprise.thats going be a fun conversation...
I've been a verbal punch bag all morning as had a meet up with a friend in local nature reserve and was highly stressed over it.

.ds revving up about the fact he has a school place sept,albeit one we won't be following up to,and that he will be back in education if some form which at this point uncertain.we have no camhs support currently for him,still awaiting if he gets his ASD statement

I'm exhausted."d"p moves into multi occupancy house this week,I've no idea where,and I cautioned against sharing a bathroom with others as unwise during a panic,esp as he's a mental health careworker do higher risk.hes now angry I'm telling him what to do as I made very clear if be unhappy with seeing him if he moves there as D's cannot social distance and he's unable to tell us clearly if he's feeling unwell
Feeling very overwhelmed,exhausted and alone today..

*pandemic not panic!

Zoo I am glad you were taken seriously and DD3's appointment went as well as could be expected. What do you think about support from SEN support rather than CAMHS?

If CAMHS could forewarn DD2 of each session's content and a few starter points it might help. Doesn't DS' EHCP have any MH support in it? It should. It's really poor he isn't reciening any support now the OT has left.

Sorry 'd'p is adding to your stress. He should be helping you and giving you a break, not making things harder.

Ah Zoo, I may have given a false sense of my rationality! I do struggle to put my rational risk assessments into practice all the time. But I'm determined DS' have a good quality of life. And DH lets me know when I'm being irrational or over protective.

Day I hope tomorrow's CAMHS session goes OK.

We have a busy day tomorrow. Need to take DS1 to the hospital, a virtual review and a virtual specialist nurse appointment.

How did you get on today with camhs day
Hope there was a glimmer of reassurance/a plan in there

Hop that's a good idea planning what they will discuss.i will mention it.
I had an email I couldn't open from mediation today.i email back explaining so,and spoke to IASS.they saying times up and mediation cert be issued and we going tribunal
More fun and games to add toto do list!

day I'd class that as a relatively successful chat then

Zoo we always have an outline for appointments, therapies and tutoring. DS needs to know what is going to happen.

Tribunal is for the best. Once you have the certificate you have 30 days to submit to SENDIST. Appeal B&F as well as I, they will be written to support the placement the LA have named. Someone on the SN boards posted parents are receiving December hearing dates, but you can ask if SENDIST will expedite the hearing.

You probably want an education solicitor. If not, SOSSEN and IPSEA can sometimes help, and the SN boards will support you through it.

What are the reports like? You will probably want some independent ones.

Specialist nurse and review appointments went well. Hospital appt. was stressful for DS, but we'll see what his blood sugars are doing now.

day I've HAD to learn not to think too far ahead.i can drive myself into a pit of depression fretting otherwise on futures of D's and now dd2.
I used to worry he will never be an independent adult,never have a job etc.now I chose to focus on the little wins- it takes time and is BLOODY HARD but it allows me to feel like we are moving slowly forward
It will try your patience more than a toddler ever could,and there are days I want give up and on those days I HAVE to focus on looking after myself because if I can't hold it together I can't help them to pull it together either

Hop is it a long wait for sugar results?

DS1 has got a continuous glucose monitor on for a few days. After that the results are analysed to see how long he spent in each range and the number of spikes.

I try not to think too far ahead, but medium term plans and getting as much support as possible help. I try to avoid asking myself "what if" questions, they don't help anyone and drive me mad. It is something you just have to learn to live with because there isn't any other option but to carry on. I suppose it is different for us because we are acutely aware some with DS' LLI die young.

Day don't torture yourself wishing you did things differently and 'what ifs'. You did what you thought was right at that time. Everyone can look be in hindsight and wish they had done things differently at certain times. Instead, look at what you all can learn and how everyone can handle the same/similar situation(s) better in future.

I know I keep harping on about it, but it really would help DS if you apply for an EHCNA. You would get the same advice from others on the SN board, IPSEA and SOSSEN.

I don't know whether you are religious or not, but even if you aren't I think the following still has real life relevance.
The serenity prayer
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."

As much as you would like to, you can't make everything better for DS overnight.

Thanks Day, DS2&3 are very well at the moment and DS1 is physically fairly well most of the time, so we just do everything we can and hope for that to continue. You wouldn't know to look at them they had a LLI, but it takes a lot of time to keep it that way.

Agree with hop you can drive yourself crazy with hindsight what ifs.better to focus on what can I do now day