Newly pregnant and frightened - any advice gratefully received

[FeelingFrightened]

I've recently discovered I am pg (approx 5 weeks). My partner and I have been together 3 years and live together. In recent months we decided that we would like to have children and because I am 34 perhaps should get started early. I have friends who have been trying ages with no luck, and always felt unsure of my own fertility so thought I would literally have ages before anything happened. However it has happened on the first go. I should be delighted, but instead I am absolutely petrified. I never dreamed it would happen so fast and I don't feel at all prepared. The fact we aren't married didn't bother me before, but since I found out I am pg it's all I can think about and I am constantly in tears. My partner is bemused as he thought getting pg is what we wanted and decided so why the upset.

I feel like a 16yr old who's "got into trouble" or done wrong. I am 34!!! Mainly because we aren't married, if it all goes wrong I can see myself trailing back to my parents with a small baby in tow. I earn average and can't afford to buy my own place. I just feel so vunerable and confused. Even feel embarrased at the thought of telling work colleagues.

Please please can anyone offer any advice that could bring any comfort? I really feel dreadful and in my worst moments in the middle of the night have considered not going ahead with the pregnancy. Then in the day I can feel a bit brighter but I'm all over the place at the moment.

Sorry, meant PB1 as in PaddingtonBear1 not PG1.

Your situation sounds similar so far Petall, I know it's bad to internalise too much and am going to keep a keen eye on myself as it were...

I'm my own worst critic FJ, I think it's because dp has a good job and earns more than me that people will think that's why I want to be with him. I am very conscious of paying my way and dp often has to insist if he wants to treat me. I don't know where this has come from except some of the female acquaintances who we know (certainly not who I would describe as friends) chat a lot about cars, money, status etc of men we know.

Ds1 was a bit of a surprise for us ,even though we hadn't really been very careful,I thought I would be thrilled ,we had been together for 8 years and married for 2 but I felt just like you even to the extent that for the first few weeks I didn't want to miscarry but I do remember thinking that it wouldn't be a disaster.Funnily enough I think it was telling people that made me turn the corner because every one was so pleased and so excited,even the most hardened gossips turn to mush at the thought of a baby!Even my mother who i thought would be horrified at the thought of my career being affected ( she always had dreams of me being business women of the year )was a pushover.Seeing everyone so happy just made me realise (subconsciously i think ) what a miraculous thing this was .

Somehpw I found myself 6 months pregnat and feeling as if this had been planned all along .Ds1 was born 14 years ago tomorrow and is the light of my life (along with his 2 brothers and dh)I recall looking at him sitting on the carpet aged about 5 months with dh staring adoringly on (he was a complete convert from the day the line turned blue!) and thinking how could one small being have brought so much happiness into our lives.

So the moral of this ramble is ;give yourselves time have the conversation about marriage but don't get too hung up he clearly loves you to bits (from what you've posted ) and one day you'll suddenly turn round and realise that you couldn't be happier and if anyone isn't happy for you then their not worth bothering about because bringing a new life into the world is the most miraculous and wonderful experience you could imagine (remind me of that when I'm arguing with ds1 on Mondsay over his haircut!!)

and finally congratulations you've got it all ahead of you a dn i feel excited for you even now.

That's a lovely message Floaty x. I think it may be telling people when the time comes that will help. Even just telling people here has helped a lot.

Dp is a lovely kind man who is a number-crunching business type in the week but at home is the sort who sleeps in contorted positions just to avoid waking up our cat sleeping on the bed.