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I just want out

88 replies

Anon8253 · 04/01/2020 00:44

I've suffered with mental illness for a long while but over the past 2 years, things took a drastic drop. After having my youngest, I was hospitalised several times for suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts. I have bpd, gad, depression and agoraphobia.

I've been in therapy for a year and it's helped massively, I haven't had any admissions for nearly a year now but I'm really struggling. I feel like I try so hard to keep my head above water but I can never keep it there for long, all that effort and it still leads to the same result. I have three kids, I know they need me. I can see that now but I don't think I can do it. My partner is wonderful, tries everything to help me but there is no magic wand that can fix it all. I've been sat downstairs for over an hour on my own, sobbing. I feel so alone, I can't bother my partner with my feelings as he always gets upset and I can't deal with that either as it just makes me feel guilty. I want so bad to be happy but it doesn't seem possible. I went to the Dr's today but they didn't care, gave me diazepam and sent me on my way. I suppose there's nothing they can do anyway. I've tried so many different medication and none of it has helped.

I feel so completely alone, I don't feel like this is ever going to get better. I've tried and tried, I feel like there is only one way out now but then I image my kids finding out I'm dead and it breaks my heart. I don't know what to do. It's never going to get any better and I can't keep going any longer

OP posts:
ravensoaponarope · 20/01/2020 22:14

Hugs Sweetie.
Are you still seeing the therapist?
Know how long I've been seeing mine? Eleven years.
You're not unfixable. youre in pain xx

Anon8253 · 20/01/2020 22:24

@Apileofballyhoo I really do feel I owe you a big thank you and a hug. You've really helped me. Probably more than you will ever realise but I'm very greatful.

Yep, I'm soley on medication for anxiety now but once that stops, I'll be med free which is what I wanted initially but right now, I'm not too sure that was such a clever choice! It's just I've tried so many different medications which all have their various side effects ranging from irritating to just impossible to deal with, I've kinda lost hope with the idea of medication.

I've heard quite a few people get that sensation from pregablin, it definitely makes me groggy on my afternoon dose but I can continue to function up until then really. Diazepam is a much better alternative, just not long term sadly 😔

I've been this bad before but I've always been hospitalised for it. I don't think ive ever had such strong urges to kill myself, it's a constant battle at the moment. I'm trying to stay in the moment and to focus on the kids but when the day is over, it's just me and my thoughts and I feel like I have no other choice. My kids stay out on Friday and I feel like I have to end it then, it's my only opportunity as the kids won't be present but I'm trying to use my therapy skills and it's a battle I'm not sure I'm winning.

Sorry for blabbering on, I just internalise everything. I wish it was as easy to explain myself as it is on the Internet. X

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 20/01/2020 23:30

You can write as much as you like here. Actually thoughts that seem logical when you think them don't look quite as logical when you write them down - sometimes.

I know the battle, it's awful and it's exhausting. Battling the same old shit thought every day.

When you were hospitalised, did you come out feeling better? I wanted to come off my meds straight away when I started feeling better but my GP said it was best to stay on them. I told my aunt and she said she was on antidepressants for years and would be on them for the rest of her life. She didn't think it was a big deal so I kind of went with that. I figured the chemicals in my brain did need to be supported for longer. To be honest I don't know why I had such a thing about medication, I think I thought I somehow deserved to be miserable and that it was some kind of deep issue with me and medication was just covering it up. Which is nonsense, I had just been so badly hurt and so anxious and not able to express it that my brain couldn't rebalance itself any more. Lexapro worked for me, and I'm lucky in that respect.

I had therapy too, and that helped a bit with the aftermath, just learning how to ground myself by standing firmly on the floor and I had homework of going as far as stepping outside the front door by myself (I was terrified of leaving the house by myself) and then down the path and so on. I suppose she was trying to teach me that I was safe. It's all a bit of a blur really, I think I was already getting a bit better by the time I was seeing her.

You know January is the worst month for serotonin levels? And it's nearly over. It was always my worst month because I used to think I could get through until Christmas but then after Christmas I'd be just as bad and it seemed never ending. It was January I finally went to the GP for help.

I'm just rambling on now. I hope you sleep a bit tonight and tomorrow is a lighter day. I'll be thinking of you xx

Anon8253 · 22/01/2020 21:40

Thank you, sometimes it is easier to rationalise things once they're written in front of you, I agree.

I'm finding it particularly exhausting when J start to feel good, I had a decent day yesterday, a little low but manageable and then today, a big drop. I've got a cold which isn't helping, I've spent the entire day in bed except for the Dr's appointment who just prescribed further diazepam, which is great except I want to get better.

Hmm, most times hospitalisation made it worse as I got extremely anxious that social services would come and take my kids. I heard horror stories about this happening especially with people with the bpd diagnosis. It also doesn't help in hospital, people with that diagnosis get treated like crap as we're all seen as manipulative liars which ultimately makes me feel awful but there has been 2 times which have helped just to give me that time to pick myself up and put myself together again. I've just googled that med and I don't think ive tried it, I'll ask the psych about it whenever I'm next seen.

I'm glad you got help and that you're feeling better, that makes you incredibly strong and brave.

I'm struggling tonight, I'm struggling with all the things i have to do tomorrow but probably won't because I'm useless. It feels so endless, it's so defeating to think things are on the up to just drop again. I'm so lost and stuck and I feel like instead of talking and fantasising about ending it all. Perhaps I should have just done it already 😔

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 22/01/2020 23:27

You're just knackered and miserable, not useless. Sometimes I think we all just need a holiday from all responsibility. Just some time in a safe place to do nothing and all meals provided while knowing everything else is being taken care of. It's what we're supposed to be provided with as children!

You're not useless at all. You're fighting a battle to stay alive and it's taking a lot of energy.

Lexapro is just escitalopram - it wasn't available as a generic when I had it. It's meant to be more effective than citalopram. My current GP prescribed me something else a few years ago when I was very anxious, but it was situational anxiety and stopped abruptly when the situation changed so I had only just started the prescription and never took the rest.

I'm not a particularly strong person, just a person that knows my limitations and I know what I'm capable and not capable of. I fucked up today in not saying no to a friend who wanted her DS to come for a playdate - both DS and I needed the afternoon to ourselves and she was late collecting. I am exhausted now as a result, small things like that can throw me. I really don't know how people manage to have their houses clean, their personal paperwork done, their part time or full time jobs, shopping, cooking, children bathed and in clean clothes and a little bit of play time or whatever. I can just about manage to keep everything going but I find it hard to get anything extra done. Friends are going hill walking on Sunday and I'm thinking wtf? How are people so organised?

I need a lot of time on my own.

The lexapro took a while to kick in - I don't know how long because it's all so blurry. A few weeks I suppose. I did go on a mini break with my then boyfriend towards the end of January and I think that being booked had been part of the reason I went to the GP at all, I didn't want to go and be miserable there. I think I did feel a bit better by then but not better better by any means. I don't remember wanting to kill myself while I was away, so that was definitely an improvement. But I suppose you can have a couple of good days in the middle of it all.

I stayed on the meds for 18 months, came off them in the summer and went back on them the following November as SAD affected me too. After that I was on them every autumn/winter/spring and I'm be off them in the summer.

When I was pregnant with DS I didn't take them and I was ok, a bit anxious but not depressed. The anxiety didn't develop into overwhelming fear followed by depression which was the previous pattern.

I seem to be ok now at controlling the anxiety by stepping back and managing myself - apart from the situational anxiety I had that I mentioned above. That was full on fear of going to the supermarket and worse it was in the summer which was never a bad time for me.

I think I understand things better. I understand hurt better and what it does when someone hurts you and how to heal yourself and protect yourself. I've become harder in some ways.

I know my DH loves me and that makes a difference. I suppose I feel safe. I never really felt I had a home till I met DH. Now he is a mess in his own right, an addict (clean at the moment), terrible anxiety and OCD (he's on lexapro, mirtazapine (sp?) and pregabalin), much worse childhood than me. But I suppose we understand each other and he's much better at communicating than I am so I've learned from that, and he can't bear for me to be upset so he drags things out of me rather than me internalizing.

There, you got nearly 20 years of my life in a few paragraphs.

Regarding getting things done when you're not really able - your goal at the moment for every day should be everybody fed, nobody dead. At that should be your goal till the youngest goes to school. You're only human. Sending you so much love and goodwill xxx

Anon8253 · 24/01/2020 10:27

@Apileofballyhoo thank you so much for sharing. I can't help but admire your strength and honesty, your family must be so very proud of you. I relate very strongly to how you feel about most things but in particular your DH. As cringy and fairytale like this sounds, my partner saved me and now I feel like I owe him so much more than what I can ever give him and I certainly owe him more than what I currently have to offer.
Your DH is very lucky to have you for support, it sounds like he's a fighter and I'm sure you more than helped him with his battles! I'm going to ask about the lexapro, I've been on citalopram, sertraline, mirtazipine, pregablin, amitryptiline, duloxitine, trazodone and more that I can't remember but I'm certain I haven't been on lexapro, so perhaps that's an option for me?

Right now I feel like I'm falling apart. I've got some kind of cd, this has pushed me further over the edge. I've been shut in my room for the last two days, I broke down last night and I couldn't stop crying. My partner is trying his very best to hold up the fort but it's taking its toll. He's exhausted today and I'm too selfish to pick myself up and be there for him in the way he's been for me.

I'm so sad that this is the way my life has turned out, I'm angry that I've left myself get like this and that I'm too lazy to get better. I feel stuck, I feel like there is no help now. I've had it all and I'm still not better. I know I'm going to lose the things that I love the most and it's like being on the outside with no power to stop it. I never meant to make everyone so unhappy, I can't believe how selfish I was to bring kids into this life that I can't handle. I miss the person who I thought I would be, a few years ago I worked, I loved being a mum, I took my daughter out, I loved it all. Deep down I was unhappy, I've always self harmed and hated myself with a passion but it was controlled, nobody could tell. I had such a hard exterior but now I'm just a mess. I feel like I've really tried but it hasn't worked and I'm so sorry for my family.m, for the mess I've become

OP posts:
Strongmummy · 24/01/2020 10:32

@anon8253 I just wanted to say I am also having a very bad day today you’re not alone. My mind is a mess and has been for a while. I’m trying to
Untangle it but I just want to sleep.

I think it’s really really important that you stop using negative language about yourself. Even if at this moment you don’t believe it, you need to stop the being down on yourself as it won’t help and serves no one.

We will get through it x

Anon8253 · 24/01/2020 11:06

@Strongmummy I'm sorry you're having a rubbish day. I hope you get some rest and that your mind does too!

There's nothing positive to say abput myself right now. I've just screamed at the person who is only trying to help me because I can't take anymore of 'things will get better'. Quite evidently, they're not and I'm tired of hearing it. My partner has said for me to come downstairs and have coffee whilst the kids are at nursery for 30 mins but I don't see how that's going to make me better. I'm still suicidal downstairs as I am upstairs. I know he's only trying to help but I'm past helping, I'm tired. He's my partner, he loves me and he shouldn't have to sit with me for hours on end trying to convince me to stay alive. I'm tired of trying, I want to let go.

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 24/01/2020 14:33

I'm so so so sorry you feel so terrible. I don't really know what my family think - probably that I should work full time and and be in a better financial situation. So fuck them. My family is DH, DS and myself. I think they should do x y and z but actually they have their own choices to make.

Nothing wrong with crying. The more you cry the better you'll be. You have every reason to cry, you couldn't hold all that shit in forever.

I know you believe that things will never get better, and that it's you somehow at fault. But neither of those things are true.

You're in the middle of having a natural reaction to terrible things. You did try not to grieve for yourself as you were brought up not to, but it always comes out in the end. You're not mad, you're not bad, you're sad. Overwhelmingly sad.

I wish I could carry some of it for you so you could have a little break from it.

Apileofballyhoo · 26/01/2020 14:38

Anon just want you to know I'm thinking of you every day. Flowers

Apileofballyhoo · 29/01/2020 12:19

Still thinking of you. Flowers

There's no need to respond, I just want you to know I'm sending you love.

Anon8253 · 30/01/2020 20:13

Thank you @Apileofballyhoo
I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply. Things went very downhill, spent a night in a and e waiting for the crisis team who just drugged me up and sent me home (yay!). My sister has actually been really great and I must be showing how ill I am because she's offered to have the kids so we can have a child free weekend away which is nice.

I've been put on citalopram which I tried years ago, unfortunately they couldn't put me on lexapro as it interacts with the pregablin.

I've been very tearful which isn't like me, I woke my partner up sobbing because I didn't think I could get through today. I love my kids so much but right now I want to be alone. I want to quite simply not exist and I've been pretty useless at everything. Got the kids showered today and that's all I've done pretty much bar get them ready for school. My poor partner is dealing with it very well, I think he's really concerned because I've not been this depressed before and definitely not for this long. I'm hoping this weekend away helps but I'm already dreading coming back which sounds horrible 😔

You're very kind to still have been thinking about me, I'm really greatful for your support. You've helped me a lot, more than you realise xxx

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 30/01/2020 21:10

I'm glad to hear from you and I'm glad your sister is taking the kids. You need a break from feeling guilty that you're not doing enough with them! In fact you need a break from that guilt full stop. You're doing your best, OP. You're fighting the good fight. And you're doing it for them.

There's a book called Healing the Shame that Binds You. And an inner child one by the same author I think. I think you need to let go of the guilt.

I'm glad you're crying (that sounds horrible) what I mean is is that that shit is better out than in. Crying is healing. We're far too programmed not to cry. Not to whinge I was told! I've always encouraged my DS to cry and kind of egged him on by saying you poor thing, that was awful, you really hurt yourself/got an awful fright/whatever, because I'd rather him let it all out.

Have a look at peaceful parent website when you get a chance - I found it kind of painful but healing to know how I should have been treated but wasn't.

Oddly my DH is on Lexapro and Lyrica (the brand name of pregablin as he finds the generic didn't work for him - he was fine on escitalopram but GP said to get everything branded so that's what he does now) so I'm making a Confused face here. Maybe the Lyrica is cancelling out the Lexapro for all I know/he knows/GP knows. He's on mirtazapine too! And he still gets anxious (shit childhood). He has a back problem too and occasionally GP gives him 2.5 mg valium. He loves that. Strung like the proverbial racehorse. He could do with that shame book too - I read the books and drop things into conversation sometimes. Plus the wisdom of MN (no is a complete sentence) and Al-Anon. I love Al-Anon. My friend told me to go and she said it saved her life, and you know what, I think it's saved mine too. Saved it from being utter shit and gave me strength when I needed it and taught me how to be and how to look after myself.

You sound more upbeat you know. I feel like doing a little dance of joy. I'm glad for you. The evenings are getting longer. You can do this.

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