I've suffered with mental illness for a long while but over the past 2 years, things took a drastic drop. After having my youngest, I was hospitalised several times for suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts. I have bpd, gad, depression and agoraphobia.
I've been in therapy for a year and it's helped massively, I haven't had any admissions for nearly a year now but I'm really struggling. I feel like I try so hard to keep my head above water but I can never keep it there for long, all that effort and it still leads to the same result. I have three kids, I know they need me. I can see that now but I don't think I can do it. My partner is wonderful, tries everything to help me but there is no magic wand that can fix it all. I've been sat downstairs for over an hour on my own, sobbing. I feel so alone, I can't bother my partner with my feelings as he always gets upset and I can't deal with that either as it just makes me feel guilty. I want so bad to be happy but it doesn't seem possible. I went to the Dr's today but they didn't care, gave me diazepam and sent me on my way. I suppose there's nothing they can do anyway. I've tried so many different medication and none of it has helped.
I feel so completely alone, I don't feel like this is ever going to get better. I've tried and tried, I feel like there is only one way out now but then I image my kids finding out I'm dead and it breaks my heart. I don't know what to do. It's never going to get any better and I can't keep going any longer