Made a major minor accomplishment? Mental well being thread to celebrate those big little moments

[NowWeSuckingDiesel]

I have struggled with poor mental health for many years. Some days it can be a struggle just to get dessed and other days I can be up and on the go all the time. I thought it would be helpful to have a daily check in thread to celebrate those little big things for all us should it just be replying to a text you have avoided or scaling Mount Everest that day. Big or little all accomplishments are of equal value and may just help others on their mental well-being journey. And of course general chit-chat is very welcomed!

Would love if we could get a group together, please join me!

DIY, what a breathtaking view!!!!!! I’m glad I inspired you, if only for the photo! Thank you!

In other news, I’m sorry, I have been in a bad place, I left my partner. I have to make myself write this, because my default setting is: everything is fine!
It’s not fine. I really love him, and he is good for me in so many ways. Equally, he’s really bad news and he started messing with my head more than I could cope with. And after all these years I snapped and left him.
So now I am deep cleaning my house, taking time to look after myself and my mental health. I’m a bit nuts, but I love cleaning, it’s fantastic for my mental health. Giving that I have a teenage daughter, I’m never far from a festering pit of wrappers, hair and discarded clothes. I also have a very ‘white’ house, think Scandinavian minimalism. So so went out and stocked on surface bleach and I’ve been bleaching everything that’s standing still.
I’ll come back to the thread more often now.

@newdeer
Wow lots of tips there, I will be trying some of these. Thank you.

@SeaSidePebbles
It's nice to have you back on this thread.
Well done for having the strength to leave your partner. I hope you are doing ok.
Deep cleaning should give you a feeling of starting afresh.
I'm glad you have your dd for company.

I had another busy weekend with the kids. I made it to all of their events. We had 2 kids parties, a scouts investiture for ds, and he had a rugby blitz yesterday too.
Yesterday I felt so anxious and agitated for most of the day, so I feel like I accomplished a lot in getting ds to his blitz (with the baby in tow) and standing out in the cold to watch him play.
The other thing I'm quite proud of was actually making trays of sandwiches to bring to the blitz. Usually I just bring shop bought cakes or biscuits that are bought en route.

:) diy, thank you, it’s very kind of you! There’s nothing (to me) more satisfying than ticking off a busy list, with the extra ‘and I even made time to make sandwiches’ .
I used to think it’s because I’m being efficient, but now I actually think it’s got to do with managing to be present and in the moment, so you’re not just ticking stuff off, you’re being there, enjoying it. Glad to hear it.

I was busy yesterday (still cleaning 😂), but by the evening I was getting upset about the break up, so I had 2 glasses of Prosecco, that took the edge nicely, but I feel awful today (I don’t drink normally). So I’m going to the gym, going food shopping, I’m actually cooking and baking an apple cake. Since Saturday morning, all I had to eat was a croissant. But drank gallons of coffee.

Hello everyone, I had a very quiet weekend as my husband managed to pass his cold on to me and it has left me exhausted.

I really focus on 'presenting as normal' in my bad periods. I want my son to know that people have mental health issues and that they can get better but that doesn't mean he sees me in my PJs at 4 pm with greasy hair. I get up before him every day and no matter how bad I feel I'm a clean dressed Mum to give him a big when he gets home. Routine is an excellent support strategy for me. I think this is because it means even on the darkest days I know I have achieved something.

Yesterday I applied for a part-time job. I don't think I will get an interview as I don't have one of the essential criteria but I figured it was good practice for when I see a job I really like. I'm particularly proud of this because I had an email from my work that really through me. I had work-related mental health crisis last September, they were very harsh and made no attempt to support me. Yesterday they said come back to work and we'll do what you wanted/needed last year. It just left me so agitated my chest hurt all day.

Anyway, today I tidy. I love this thread, such great advice from everyone.

I really focus on 'presenting as normal' in my bad periods. I want my son to know that people have mental health issues and that they can get better but that doesn't mean he sees me in my PJs at 4 pm with greasy hair. I get up before him every day and no matter how bad I feel I'm a clean dressed Mum to give him a big when he gets home. Routine is an excellent support strategy for me. I think this is because it means even on the darkest days I know I have achieved something.

@Disfordarkchocolate I honestly think this is the most admirable thing any person with depression can do. I try to do the same and sometimes it's the only thing I manage all day. Then I lie and pretend I've been working all day when DC ask how my day was. Years ago I read an interview with Victoria Wood about how awful her relationship was with her mum because she was always depressed, always in bed. I remember noticing that Wood had zero sympathy for her mother because her mother had not functioned as a parent and that left scars she couldn't forgive. I decided when I read that, that my DC would never feel like that about me. I wouldn't be the PJs, greasy hair mother. I know I'm not the best role model in the world. But they always have a mother who is dressed, awake and engaged with them when they get back from school, with fresh food cooking on the stove and enough energy preserved to listen to what happened that day and help with anything they need to sort out for the following day or week ahead.

You are a lovely Mum @newdeer.

I meant to say that to you too, @Disfordarkchocolate. I admire your priorities in life.

Thank you. I do try to be. It's the most important thing to me, that my MH doesn't impact on their lives.

@SeaSidePebbles you have been so strong to get through this break up, your true feelings were going to come through eventually. At least you only had 2 glasses and not the whole bottle . I hope today went well for you and you got some food shopping in. Apple cake with a cup of coffee sounds amazing!

@Disfordarkchocolate hope you are feeling better now after your cold.
I agree with you about presenting as normal in front of the kids. My ds is only 6 so is too young to understand what I'm going through, so I try and present the world as a positive place for him. When he is older I will be more open with him.
And I'm glad to hear you applied for the job, yes the more jobs you apply for/interviews you attend, the more comfortable you will be even pressing submit on a job application. I hope you find something soon.

@newdeer
The post about victoria wood is terribly sad. The posts like that in this thread have given me the courage to start therapy to make myself better for my kids.

I had my second therapy session today. I'm learning about myself already. I have suppressed a lot of my feelings. I feel anger and anxious at times, but they are the only feelings i feel. The happiness, sadness, upset etc seem to be suppressed. A lot of the time I feel nothing. I'm glad I have realised this so soon after starting therapy and can work on it.

I also got tips around how to manage being anxious and how to try and calm myself. We ran through a breathing and meditation exercise which I did feel calming so I am going to try this now when I'm feeling anxious.

I've also been trying to take a bit of time to myself, even 5 minutes in the morning before the baby's first feed just to clear my head.

As I'm due to return to work from mat leave in a month, I've decided I need to start leaving the baby with his childminder for an hour every day from now. I started it yesterday. He went for an hour yesterday and two hours today. He cried most of the time both days. He just seems to be very attached to me, which my older ds wasn't, so this is new to me. But it is a necessary step if I want to return to work. (I'm not sure if I do, but preparing just in case!)

My dp has also been questioning again whether the baby has acid reflux because he's upset in the evenings and spits up a little bit. After reading about acid reflux, I'm 99% sure he doesn't have it. He does have colic and I think this is the cause. But now I'm doubting myself slightly and think I'll ring the health visitor tomorrow. I'd ring the gp but I've been there so many times in the last few weeks that I'm sure he thinks I'm over reacting about everything .
There's never a dull moment!

Sorry didn't realise I had written so much, that was more like my life story than my accomplishment for the day

YY to ‘faking’ it till we make it!
One of the first signals I’m ‘going down’ is when I start showering every other day, often still in yesterday’s clothes. So since this whole shit show started, I have been forcing myself to have a shower in the morning and one in the evening. Very very short one, I’ve been telling myself: it’s not cause you must, it’s cause you need to wash away the worries. I do feel better for it, so this is my accomplishment:)

I didn’t make it to the gym, but I did go food shopping, took stuff to the dump. When I came back I realised I needed to do some bills overhaul. Called the council, single occupancy discount is now in place. Changed my broadband provider for a cheaper one, my gas and electrics, again, a different provider. Chased some car documents. You know, stuff you put off for months.
Then DD came home, I cooked and baked, tidied up.
Tomorrow I have Pilates:) and a run.

Just curious here, does anyone find any foods make you feel better/worse?

@Diy2019, I find eating well helps ie fresh fruit and veg, less cake and chocolate. However, some days I think it's fine to say 'today I eat cake' because you need little pick me up to stop an impending low. Sort of self-care. Susan Calman' a Crab of Hate book is good on small ways to fend off a a low.

I comfort eat, overeating period makes me feel awful.
Hardly ate anything for days now, I just can’t, the whole breakup left me stunned.

@SeaSidePebbles - you sound like you are doing amazingly well. Taking charge of all the utilities, getting that discount, going to the tip and keeping up with showers/self care. Really brilliant actions.

@Diy2019 Can you give the childminder a teeshirt you've slept in so your baby can be wrapped in something that smells of you? Might soothe them.

Anyone got a handhold for me? Have got myself into a TOTAL state about giving in my notice on Friday. Had to leave early today because felt so ill and sick and dizzy. My anxiety is holding me hostage. Am in bed hiding from responsibilities. I know I'm being ridiculous but it feels insurmountable.

Handhold right here @Thisnamechanger. Lie quietly and take some slow deep breaths and let them out slowly. Concentrate on your breathing for a while and then relax part of your body as you breath out. You've got this.

Is your resignation letter all drafted?

Thanks 23Disfordarkchocolate. Feel really alone at the moment!

No. I was going to do it in person because MN on another thread seems to think it's more professional? Would much rather just write an email though! There's a chance Manager will actually be out the office on Friday which would mean doing it by email. I'm not sure what to say except I'm leaving! Don't really want to say why.

thisnamechanger, talk me through it
Is the job making you unhappy?
Are you worried about how you’re going to afford the bills?
Are there long term implications if you resign?
Are you not sure about your future plans?

I stopped whooshing my toddler in the air after the fourth time rather than continuing until I got to ten, even though that meant stopping on an uncomfortably small number.

Even if you do it in person they may ask for a letter for their records. Would it help to draft the letter (plenty of templates on the internet you can use).

I know you have plans to travel when you leave this job, the resignation is a step to a whole new world. (Don't visualise Peter Andre and Katie Price singing it though)

Thanks chaps you're so kind. Am giving notice Friday, dealing with fall-out, then first thing Saturday DF is picking me up to take pets to boarding then straight to visit DGma then straight to a family dinner which I am cooking (I don't mind but feels like another thing to be anxious about!) Then survive next week (fingers crossed they put me on gardening leave and tell me to get out!), Pack, check everything 8000 times, repack, check again, then to Heathrow on the Saturday for my first ever long haul flight (scared of flying to) to meet DP in Western Aus for three weeks (first ever long holiday too!). If I get gardening leave we'll stay a few months hopefully, if pet place can keep them. I miss DP. It's ridiculous because I know it's totally the right thing to do but instead of being clear headed and excited for the change I'm just totally consumed with anxiety. Can't sleep, not eating, weight dropping off me - am ridiculous!!! Does anyone else get this? Bored to tears by their job/life but too anxious to make a change??

Are there some number that feel more friendly than others 30RolytheRhino?