Today I took my first Sertraline tablet

[MonnaLiza]

Hello fellow MH sufferers.

Today I have taken my first Sertraline tablet. I had severe depression in my 20s and then struggled after my first child was born, and then again when my mum was ill... and now... the fourth time in my life in which I stare the Black Dog in the face.

Apart from the first time I have always managed to get through the darkness by soldiering on... willpower ... wait ad it will pass, and it did pass eventually.

But this time I felt medication could help. My GP also though so, considering I was sobbing in his surgery. I was prescribed Sertraline.

I waited a few days, but after a rather bad meltdown Wednesday night I decided to get on with it.

So I took my first tablet today and not sitting on my bed terrified about it with my eyes wide open as if I had been taking some form of acid instead of some safe medication that millions of people take everyday.

Tell me to get a grip! And also tell me i'll feel better soon as I am in so much pain.

Hello, I'm on day 14 of taking it. Felt spaced with headaches and nausea for first few days, but that subsided. Now I feel no difference. Still struggling to get going or to enjoy things, still overworrying in the middle of the night and the day... was your improvement sudden or gradual @MonnaLIza ? Hoping it comes...

Oh and congrats on the new job! That's what I need too.

Congrats on the new job!

ThingDoer I'm on Day 17 and feel the exact same way as you. Will persevere as not feeling bad either.

@ThingDoer, hi & welcome - my improvement was quite sudden regarding the worse anxiety and that came quite quickly, after a couple of days.

Then it took about 2 weeks for the deep sadness to ease. I am ok now, not 'happy' but stable. Hugely relieved to be stable.I do not feel like I want to die anymore. I know I would not have killed myself but if there was a way to disappear without hurting anyone I would have done it. Now I realise it as being the illness talking.

I still feel tired and low in energy but I am accepting it as part of my recovery and I am spending as much time as I can resting. I do not feel guilty about it anymore, which was awful. I am resting, recovering and recouping.

Thank you for the job congrats @NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 and ThingDoer. It is a double edged sword. There is a lot I need to do in my professional life and this crisis is coming as an end and a new beginning.

I am leaving a career which has brought me some success and 'fame' but which has also brought me a lot of unhappiness. So I am equally sad to leave and relieved to leave.

I am moving onto an 'anonymous' job, much more lower paid, but feel this is better for me at this stage. My MH is priceless. Still, I miss the feeling of 'success' and being an authority. And concerned about the payout of course!

Oh, day 18. My aims today are:
1- sort out a couple of admin bits
2- get out of the house.

I feel even. A calm sea.

You describe how I've been feeling too. Likewise I've no thought of harming myself but would have been ok with going to sleep and not waking up. Now I want to wake up feeling ok, so that's an improvement!

Yesterday I got to feeling somewhat calm by evening. It felt like a feeling I'd had before a long time ago.

But I'm down again today. I've done nothing for 2 weeks. Feel really guilty. Although my doing nothing still involves cooking for a family of teenagers, taxiing everyone about etc. But I have done no housework. DH is frustrated I think but quite kind about it (no nagging just the odd suggestion).

Aims for today: call GP to report in after 2 weeks, take dog to vet, try to go for a run (I know exercise would help me), tidy one room up a bit.

The housework! Tell me about it. It just feels like an ever filling mountain of things to do. I am emptying the ocean with a spoon.

But one thing at the time. We can do it. One thing at the time. Dry my hair is my next task.

And morning are always the worse ThingDoer , it gets better.

So there is no turning back. :) I have handed my notice in and spoken to my LM - I am really moving on. I have done the required admin bits and went to the shops.

I am truly exhausted, though. Change is hard.

So I need to start taking my tablets. Today was yet another day where I lost it and screamed at my DS, squeezing his arms and handling him roughly as I took him upstairs to his room. His behaviour is challenging, but he isn't quite 4, he doesn't deserve to have me as his mum right now.

I have a really busy weekend coming up socially, with a proper night out (drinking) and then a baby shower for a friend. Should I realistically wait until after these to start taking them? Assuming it's not the best idea to start just before? I am always fine at social events as I'm distracted, it's when I'm around my son or at home that I lose it.

Oh @tempnamechange98765 looks like you are having challenges at the moment.

Only you can decide what is best for you but I'd say that the side effects aren't that drastic and if you were to decide to start sooner rather then later you'd be ok.

Day 19.

Not happy, not sad. Even mood - but, rationally, very worried for my impending life changes. I was awake in the night thinking what if I have made a mistake?

Practically, keeping busy. Working out what my last day for this job will be and preparing admin for the next. Preparing handover.

Resigning from various committees and cancelling various 'nice' but unpaid gigs - I am moving on!

Not sure if it's a rebirth or a professional suicide though. Whatever, a change was needed. I hope it's a rebirth.

Tell me how you all are. I need to get out of myself. Others are more interesting.

I have been assessed and I am starting therapy from November 1. :)

My goals today:

• sort out work admin

• go to the shops, including post office, in the afternoon

Just normal stuff is for me a titanic effort (as in Titan-like, not ship hitting the iceberg hopefully).

But I can do it.

Day 1 today. Started on 25mg. Tried it a few months ago but fuzzy head was unbearable so stopped after 4 days.
I think I'll need lots of support to get through the first few weeks.
Took next week off work so less pressure there.
Chat soon x

I spoke to gp yesterday and she has recommended a phased return to work (anxiety doesn't get better in 2 weeks). Emailed work and they will call tomorrow. Massively anxious/worrying about discussing. I will get punished by colleague when I go back. Dread seeing her. Thoughts about this are stopping me from doing anything else..

Welcome @jogalong! I am really suffering with laboured breath/fuzzy head today. Actually thinking about quitting after day 30 because the headache, tiredness, fuzzy head is not worth the improvement. My worse anxiety has subdued but I wonder if it's circumstantial, me removing myself from the situation rather than medication-induced.

@ThingDoer agreed that anxiety does not get better in 2 weeks but I had some definite improvements after 2 weeks. Today they seem to have gone backwards but it's probably because I am forcing myself to do a lot of challenging stuff. I wish I could take some time truly off.

Day 20. Thinking of quitting. Fed up with this exhaustion.

Morning @MonnaLIza
Sorry to hear you are feeling so rough. My feelings change across the course of each day... hope you feel better later.

I've been feeling less exhausted - I think it might be the vitamin D - my blood test showed I was low. Have you had that checked?

But I'm not at work at the moment. Just agreed with my boss to go back part-time over next 2 weeks then back to normal. Trying to work on my resilience to difficult colleague - grey rock and be true to myself.

Truthfully, I'm afraid of going back but I need to...

I took sertraline for 8 months a couple of years ago and it really did help. I had awful side effects for the first few weeks and then they gradually subsided, but it took at least 6 weeks before I really began to see a difference.

You’ve made it through the worst part of the side effects but in my experience they weren’t completely gone for at least a month. I would definitely suggest you don’t stop taking them now after only 20 days, I would stick with them for at least a couple of months. They do take time to work and although you may feel some improvements in the first few weeks you need to stick with them to really feel the difference.

Hi MyNewBearTotoro and ThingDoer morning :)

You guys are right. I need to give it a chance. I have calculated that my worst exhaustion symptoms are 8 hours after I take the tablets so I am going to take it around midday so I get exhausted at 8 pm and I can chill.

Out for work today, getting out of the house always makes me feel better.

What are you lot grateful for?
I am grateful for:

• my family: they luuuuuuvez me :)
• my general health (apart from the overthinking brain/anxiety!), I have a strong body, I am a little ox! Female ox... but definitely not a cow.
• my 'brave' - it's faltering a bit now but I am having the courage to change path, to be true to myself.

Took my 1st tablet yesterday and feel awful today. I was tired and light headed yesterday but could manage that. Woke at 4am with awful diahorrea and nausea. And worst headache ever. Dd has been sick since weekend so hoping this is a virus and not the meds. Don't feel like I can take today's tablet Incase I feel like this again tomorrow. Had to take the day off work which is not good.
Not sure what to do. My headache is terrible.

@jogalong I had a terrible headache and nausea too but no diarrhoea. Lasted about 3-4 days and I was off work - you may just need to give into that. But it lifted after that and I feel no ill-effects. In fact over the last few days I've felt a rising wave of optimism.

@MonnaLIza I am grateful for: my family too - they love and care for me too; my health - also strong and healthy despite abusing my body into obesity; secure job and full pay while off sick - not everyone so lucky- that is allowing me to concentrate on getting better.

I've agreed going back to work part-time for a couple of weeks. This is a relief.

I’ve been taking sertraline for 8 weeks now and can see a big difference. I’ve not tried antidepressants before and was very apprehensive about taking them. The first 4-6 weeks were so hard, especially week 3 & 5. The tiredness and mood swings were my biggest side effects, most days during the first month I would feel ready for bed by 3pm it was so hard to work. Please hang in there ladies, I’m nowhere near where I want to be, but me now compared to me two months ago is a completely different person. X