Today I took my first Sertraline tablet

[MonnaLiza]

Hello fellow MH sufferers.

Today I have taken my first Sertraline tablet. I had severe depression in my 20s and then struggled after my first child was born, and then again when my mum was ill... and now... the fourth time in my life in which I stare the Black Dog in the face.

Apart from the first time I have always managed to get through the darkness by soldiering on... willpower ... wait ad it will pass, and it did pass eventually.

But this time I felt medication could help. My GP also though so, considering I was sobbing in his surgery. I was prescribed Sertraline.

I waited a few days, but after a rather bad meltdown Wednesday night I decided to get on with it.

So I took my first tablet today and not sitting on my bed terrified about it with my eyes wide open as if I had been taking some form of acid instead of some safe medication that millions of people take everyday.

Tell me to get a grip! And also tell me i'll feel better soon as I am in so much pain.

Day one for me. Hope it’s ok to join you all.
I have been on Citalopram in the past (5 or 6 years ago) but didn’t like the side effects (anorgasmia, hair loss, sweating) but this is my first time on Sertraline. This time the darkness has been creeping up on me since July & I’ve been periodically ignoring it & trying self help stuff (yoga, gym, 5htp, SAD lamp) but I admitted defeat today & saw my GP. I’m always anxious in general, but this is more a pervasive low dark mood that’s getting worse. Final straw was finding myself last night googling intrusive thoughts about suicide.
Its taken me so long to seek help this time because I don’t have a tangible reason for feeling so persistently low. Last time I felt like this I was going through a divorce & so it made sense in my head that I’d feel shit. I have been to the GP 3 times between July & now (saw a different one then) who asked me for a reason, did blood tests (all normal) and told me to “go for a walk” Suffice to say, that didn’t help & just made me feel like I was being overly dramatic about it.
I also currently feel like a fraud because I spend a fair bit of my work life taking to clients about ensuring they look after their mental health...and here I am, struggling on for months. I am functioning (just about) but putting on my happy face every day is getting more and more exhausting so off to the GP I went.
Been prescribed 50mg Sertraline. Took the first one mid morning (used to take the Cit at night but GP advised morning) and so far feel ok...except for the fact I have pooped the entire world out of my butt this afternoon (day off work thankfully). I have hope from reading through that this will only be a one day thing (pray for my belly) because my job involves visiting clients in their homes & I don’t know how that’s going to work out.
Sorry for the essay, once I start I can’t seem to stop!

Hello and welcome to @HyperemesisandPND and @calmama and @fannycradock and a big friendly wave to all :)

@Hyperemesis, how are you doing? What you describe sounds really difficult.

@calmama, I had to write for my former job and hated it! There was so much pressure associated with it. I was a prolific, competent writer but really did not enjoy it. I do not think Sertraline affects creativity, I was still able to write in the very first weeks of being on it.

So now it's my day 53-54-55 and I am doing very well, really the best i have been doing for ages. I have a new, steady job which has taken a lot of the financial uncertainty of being freelance away and I have a job that I enjoy and which requires some walking to the office which makes me super happy!! I forgot how important for wellbeing exercise is - just moving your body - or I had not forgotten it just at home it was really hard to motivate myself to do it... now there is no choice as i need to get to the office!

I truly cannot believe that I am writing the words "super happy" referring to myself. :)

Right, sorry I just want to mention about the anorgasmia on Sertraline - this is only my own experience, an experiment of one, but I have to say that after a few weeks it disappears! Sorry if it's TMI but just wanted to share a bit of good news.

How did day 2 go @FunnyCradock?

Hi @MonnaLiza
Thanks for asking. Thankfully my tummy is much happier today so I made it to work and although it was hard to make myself go I seem to be better when I’m there as it’s a distraction from my noisy brain. I had a training session this afternoon & felt really drowsy & tired during that, probably because I’m not used to sitting still. Felt fine this morning but I have a slightly woozy, slightly sick, thumping heart feeling at the moment. Am wondering if I should take my tablet in the afternoon or evening instead of the morning. I think most people seem to take it earlier in the day & the GP suggested morning so my sleep isn’t affected. Chronic indecision goes hand in hand with my current mood so I can’t decide what to do! I always took my citalopram at night but appreciate this one may be different.
Lovely to hear you’re feeling positive now. I have read the rollercoaster you’ve been on to get to that place and that’s really helpful to be prepared for. Congrats on the new job. I think a massive part of how I feel is down to my job (NHS nurse) but I don’t know what else I could do.

Happy to hear about the anorgasmia being temporary. If it happens I’ll ride it out (‘scuse the pun )

Hello MonnaLlza and thank you for asking how I am. I'm really struggling today. The nausea is actually a little better which I am grateful for but I had some kind of panic attack earlier where I just couldn't seem to catch a breath, my whole face was tingly and I was shaky and hot and so lightheaded and dizzy. I felt so strange it was horrible. Sorry if this is a bit rambly. I still feel weird and tight chested now although it's a lot better.

Morning all a quick post from the train to say @FunnyCradock as a NHS nurse you are an Angel! Of course you are stressed. If you want to change job I am sure it's possible but of course it's harder to think clearly when you are unwell. It's early days but I have to say changing jobs the roof has lifted massively for me. I have taken quite a large pay cut though and my life has changed from being able to do anything I wanted (within reason of course) to having to count pennies! No international travel for me for a while...

@HyperemesisandPND glad the nausea is better but sorry to hear about the panic attack. There are apps that help breathing and relaxation, I have one on my phone which really helps me. It's called Relax and it's light version is free. The full version is 2.99 I believe. Must go as it's my stop. Sending you all lots of good vibes.

Aargh its version not "it's version". Autocorrect fail.

Nausea was my problem, and finishing was traumatic, the see-saws

Day 38
Feeling good. Not great, just good although a lot better than 38 days ago.
Still get bouts of diahorrea on and off. Fuzzy head reduced hugely.
Back to see Dr next week to decide on dose.
If dose is increased do I have to go through all the horrible side effects again?

Hello day 61 and nearly two calendar months. Even mood, no side effects and a calm about the troubles that life throws at me that I have never experienced in my life before. I am doing a lot more exercise as walking to the office (I clock about 20-22,000 steps at weekdays!) and I get up at 6 every morning. I stay in bed a bit longer at the weekend but without that feeling of dread I used to have. I take my chill pill in the evening when I go to bed. How's everyone doing? Sorry if I am not updating more often but it's harder to find the time to Mumsnet now that I work full time.

Great to hear @MonnaLiza. You have been such an inspiration to me since you started this thread. So thank you for being so honest. It has made me realise all the horrible side effects are just part of the joys when taking meds. It's definitely a tough road and I'm so glad your feeling as good as you are. You have given me the strength to carry on. I'm now around day 35 and still feeling the side effects although a lot less. On a plus side I'm feeling more content, happy and have stopped sweating the small stuff. The over Thinking things was really crippling and thankfully that's all settled down.
So once again thank you and I'm delighted to hear the great progress you've made

Thank you so much@jogalong you are an inspiration to me too, like all the people who write here and struggle. Now that I haven't got the "shark alarm" turned on at all times I realised how horrible it is to live with it.

I also wanted to say that I had quite a big dip around day 35 followed by the biggest, best and constant improvement the following week (6 weeks). In case anyone was feeling better and then has a dip.

Must go as I am on my lunch x

@MonnaLIza and @jogalong so glad you're both feeling better! I had a real dip Sunday, Monday and yesterday. Today is day 30 though and am feeling better. I hope I'm not going to go downhill again though. I've been so up and down. GP thinks I should up the dose to 100 so I'm going to do that Saturday. Wonder if I'll have side effects? Are you still on 50 @MonnaLIza ?

@MonnaLiza just wondering what kind of dip did you have around day 35? I slept really poor last night, had awful dreams my dad had died suddenly and I woke up crying. And now this morn I have terrible diahorrea
Not feeling the love today.
Anyway off to work now.

@jogalong I am so sorry I did not see your question until now!! My dip was very fuzzy head and feeling I was in a sort of cloud. Did not like it at all, and then after a few days it was so much better.

I think I am at day 70-ish and thought I'll do a recap.

So it's day 35 and thought I'd do some comparisons about how I felt at the beginning and feel now - in no particular order:

SLEEP
Beginning: terrible dreams, insomnia, very difficult to get out of bed, sleep as escape.
Day 35: less anxious dreams, less insomnia, still difficult to get out of bed, still sleep as escape.
Now: still very vivid dreams, hardly any insomnia, can get out of bed (get up at 6 for work), sleep as rest.

EXERCISE/PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
Beginning: erratic, unmotivated.
Day 35: very little because always tired. Mindset slightly changing.
Now: walk to work, do 20-22,000 steps a day, about 90-95km per week.

ANXIETY SYMPTOMS
Beginning: very severe at all times.
Day 35: fluctuating. Some happy moment not anxious at all!
Now: hardly any anxiety - some panicky moments but generally very stable.

DEPRESSED FEELINGS
Beginning: Always there, no joy in anything, suicidal ideations.
Day 35: Feeling kind of 'grey', no suicidal ideation, some moments of levity.
Now: No depressed feelings. I feel I can cope with life.

ATTITUDE TOWARDS FOOD
Beginning and now: kinda rubbish really. Filling up with food, just wanting sugars. I am starting to want to change this.

SIDE EFFECTS OF MEDICATION
Beginning: headache, feeling spaced out and super tired. Clenchy jaw.
Day 35: occasional headache, tiredness is starting to subside, a bit of clenchy jaw.
Now: I am still not as bright as I was... more forgetful... or maybe I am just deluding myself...

MORNINGS
Beginning: dreadful. Hating the idea of a new day.
Day 35: dreadful but I can take it.
Now: Get up and go - no feeling of dread.

Seeing it comparatively makes me realise how far I have come. :)

Thanks for that update @MonnaLiza. I'm delighted to read how far you've come. And I really needed to read this right now.
At the moment I'm feeling low. Not as bad as before starting meds but still not feeling good at all.
Head is fuzzy at times also. And insomnia is still here.
I'm just hoping things will take a turn for the good again soon as I was so positive at the start that I'm just wondering now was it more a placebo effect. I'm around day 40 so I suppose all I can really do is keep going and hope things improve soon.

@jogalong i am sorry to hear this! I have read that it takes 6-8 weeks to get better and sometimes up to 12. Are you on 50? Maybe you need a higher dose?

Hi both...@jogalong I'm on day 35 and not feeling great either. Upped dose to 100 five days ago and been having jumbled thoughts and feeling very tired and down. Possibly is the side effects of the higher dose.

@Hairydogmummy

I wonder if I am feeling better also because my situation has changed in practical terms from a stressful, precarious job to a much less stressful, stable one. That helps a lot too. I have changed my life.

So speaking of dreams last night I dreamt I was working as producer for a Russian TV station and we were going to show a world scoop... Trump's sex tapes. OMG they were bad.

Hi all. I'm feeling a lot better these past few days. I think my low point early this week is work related. There is very little I can do about it at the moment. My job is very stressful although I only work part time which is a help.
When I'm off work my mood seems to lift so I'm happy with that.
Onwards and upwards!