I'm ready for the end

[JustBex]

Hi, I'm not hoping to achieve much by writing this I just need to be heard I think.
Anyhow I think I'm done, I really do feel like I'm ready for it all to be over. I just don't see the point in me.
I doubt I'd be missed hugely, my stepson wouldn't even notice I was gone until he wanted something and whilst my partner would he'd move on quick enough. The only one who would miss me would be the dog and I'm sure even he would be better having someone else look after him. I just feel so pointless and empty, but most of all ready to go.
Sorry to be a drag but I guess I just needed to see if seeing it in writing changed how I felt.

Please keep posting. A year ago I felt exactly like this and now I can't believe I ever did. Things will get better I promise. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour.

You will be very important to the people in your life and as others have said suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary feeling. Focus on your amazing puppy, dogs adore their owners and love unconditionally , your pup will need you but more importantly will want you. My boys (dogs) get me through soo much, they are the best listeners. Please seek help and take care of your puppy

You matter. You matter. You matter.

And you matter to your pup who quite clearly has centred his little world around you. Take things minute by minute for him until you can see things through happier eyes. Whether that be with your gp’s help, or counselling, or just slowly turning the corner noticing one little thing of beauty or joy each day.

I know how desperate life can feel. @Potentialmadcatlady
Explained things better than I ever could.

You matter OP.

Thank you all. Just re-reading all your kind words. It helps when the nights are so long and my brain won't stop telling me all the worst things about myself.

Nights can be shit I know. Maybe try a different GP yours doesn't sound very supportive

@TheoriginalLEM the GP has been okay. The tablets he has given me though are making me feel worse. I'm told that is just short term. I hope so as don't feel strong enough to fight what they make me feel. I hope you're okay.

@JustBex

You need to give you medication time to work. I promise you will feel better .. just don't give up and take each day as is comes. I have had dark times in my life when I have watched loved ones die from cancer but I have managed to keep going and things do get better. Have you thought of being referred to a counselor so you can talk about how you are feeling? There are some good people on this site who genuinely care about you but I think you need someone in your real life to give you some support.

take each day as IT comes sorry about the typos

What is the medication you’re on?

Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day

@Aridane Sertraline

@JoObrien7 GP has referred me to see someone. Just waiting for an appointment. Thank you

@JustBex

Have you read about this drug? Here is a link for you to read

www.drugs.com/sertraline.html

ah ok , i see that he gave you something.

It is very shit starting ADs but it does get better I promise.

@JoObrien7 thank you. Ironically I'm the mental health lead in my role and have had lots of dealings with Sertraline over the years. Was very against it as a drug due to the side effects, however the Dr was insistent that this would be the better one. Thank you again for the link

Just keeping this little guy close for now. He helps

My calm!

Seriously cute

He's absolutely beautiful and you can see that you are his person to love. You matter and I can read from your words that you're a nice, thoughtful, kind person who had become totally overwhelmed and lost due to all the stress you're under. This is temporary and it will get better. Not overnight but it will get better.

Take pleasure in teeny tiny things like your puppy cuddles and try to feel small things xxx

It sounds like you’ve been pulled in so many directions. You poor love.

Give yourself some time for the meds to work. Cuddle that GORGEOUS puppy. Get some more help. So glad your OH now knows.

And keep coming back on here.

@Awks @ByeByeMissAmericanPie thank you both for your kind words.
I hope it gets better. I don't want to leave him, you're all right he is super cute and he wouldn't understand if I never came home again but right now it all feels really pointless, more to the point I feel pointless. All I do is cry, at least that is what it feels like. I really do appreciate all of you. Thank you

You're not pointless if you're making someone happy. And that someone is your dog. (And, in a way, me, because I'm in admiration of your strength and the way you're pushing forward!)

Oh your dog is the cutest!

Hang in there, I hope you feel better soon. Just remember no matter what you're going through it will always pass

@JustBex we are all here to chat to you. Keep taking it all a minute at a time. You will get there even though it seems bleak sometimes. Your puppy is lovely, what a sweetie x

Ah your puppy is very cute. We got a sproodle puppy in August and my favourite thing to do at the moment is to take him for a walk in the local woods. I'm sure being around the tress has been so good for my well being and I look forward to it and go there every day if possible.
Sit and have a cuddle with your puppy and like others have said take it minute by minute , sending a big hug

@JustBex you will get through this! I know the darkness you feel. I know that feeling of absolute dread when you make up in the morning and your heart starts pounding. This is an imbalance of chemicals and you WILL feel better again when your medication starts to work.

Take care of yourself and your precious little pup xx