I am safe at the moment. I am asking because I am trying to find a way of helping myself before I feel like this again.
Over the past few months I have been having overwhelming suicidal ideation which cumulated in a serious suicide attempt three weeks ago. I took a number of steps in order to keep myself from doing something like this since then.
However, the suicidal thoughts have not improved at all - I will be ok, but then will have just intense, unbearable feelings of not being able to go on. I have written letters and have been researching better methods, but have not acted on any of this. But it is so, so hard. I do not want to hurt the people around me. I do have things to look forward to. But when I feel like this, none of this seems to really matter and I just want it all to stop.
I am seeing a counsellor through IAPT and had previously spoken about the attempt a few weeks ago, but have done my best to reassure them (and everyone else in my life) that I no longer feel like this. I am worried that disclosing that I still feel at risk and repercussions, will have implications for my job. And if I don't die, I quite want to keep my job...
So any thoughts on what else to try? I have spoken to a close friend, I have tried to stay busy, I am doing lots of self-care, I am seeing the IAPT counsellor, I called the Samaritans and I have tried to hold myself accountable by reminding myself that it possibly upset others.
Post edited by MNHQ