I feel suicidal all the time

[wombatsandaplant]

Thought I’d start a thread here as I like to have somewhere to write down a few things and this way is easiest.

I had a thread running on another forum, but they removed it because it was inappropriate for a forum. All it was was a support thread but oh well. Clearly mental health issues are inappropriate for public.

Anyways, I have a lot of input from mental health services, so on that front I’m good. I just feel fucking terrible all the time though. I always have my suicide plan up to date and ready to go. I have so many attempts it’s ridiculous. I have psychosis and severe depression, anxiety, ocd.

Today I feel awful, I’ve had a three hour nap, and I’ve been in bed all day. I just can’t see it getting any better, things just keep getting worse.

I hope you can find some relaxing activities this weekend that the hallucinations don’t interfere too much with.
Well done on keeping your appointments!

Such a lot to deal with OP. How is your weekend going, has the intensity of the voices/delusions decreased at all? Sounds positive that you recognised you overstretched yourself on Wednesday, it's all good learning I'd say whatever anybody has going on in their week is mixed more often than not, but managing the intrusion of chaotic stuff from your inner world impacting on your ability to function in the outer world is a very big struggle at times, so I'm rooting for you here, hoping that you're finding the space to relax, rest and get some respite from the voices. Very useful that you've got more focused support coming up on Wednesday, keep your eye on that goal if/when things feel overwhelming.

And keep posting here if it helps

Oops sorry, that previous post was from me. Need a tutorial on this name change business!

I stupidly went out for the day yesterday, didn’t even do much just went to a beach for 10 minutes and a cafe, and I feel really ill today. I just want to die. I skipped my psychologist appointment this morning as I couldn’t get out of bed. I feel real ill.

Sorry you’re not feeling good today. Maybe you need something to drink/eat?
Were you able to reschedule your appointment?

They’re every week so I’ll just go next week. I’ve had lunch. I feel a touch better but still really bad. Everything is just stressing me out.

I feel a bit better now, just exhausted though. Tomorrow will be better, I’ve got dog training in the morning.

I guess the dog training is for your puppy? Or is your older dog misbehaving? I hope you feel much better tomorrow morning.

It’s for my puppy, he’s four months nearly now.

I’m really struggling today. The aliens are everywhere and they’re shouting stuff at me.

Hi op I felt similar a few weeks ago I was convinced someone was coming for me and the floor was moving.
Do you know where you are? Are you in your living room/bedroom or somewhere you are and can recognise.

Is there anyone you can call to pop over?
I'll be lingering in this thread. Don't worry about the aliens they're far too busy with the storming of Area 51

Just to add it's really good you've come on to tell people how you are feeling.

Do you find the countdown/grounding things work for you when things are getting loud?

www.therapistsb.com/blog/post/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique

I’m in my bedroom, my dad is in the house but he’s going back to his (he works abroad) on Monday I think. Got the psychiatrist tomorrow at least.

Are you doing a bit better this evening?

Nope, if anything I feel worse unfortunately. But it's nearly bedtime at least.

Try to get to that appointment tomorrow, even if it seems impossible.
Think of something pleasant & easy you can do after- maybe brush your dog(s), or sit outside with a cup of tea.

Went to my appointment. They can’t increase meds anymore, so it’s a case of living with the aliens and psychosis and reducing stress as much as possible. Frustrating, nothing ever seems to work out for me.

I feel like I’m unhelpable. I should just stop everything, there’s no point taking meds if they don’t work properly, I may as well stop them and see what happens. Who gives a shit cos I don’t,what the fuck is the point. I just want to go away and never come back.

You are intelligent- you know suddenly stopping meds could be dangerous and make you seriously unwell. If you get very sick, you may not be able to participate in decisions about your care.

Have you done any research about your conditions/symptoms/medications? Maybe there is something uncommon that would help you.

Well done on getting to the appointment.
What have you done for fun today?

God I feel awful. Every tiny little thing is making me so stressed. Which in turn is making me want to kill my self. Currently curled up in bed.

@wombatsandaplant I'm sorry to hear how overwhelmed you're feeling this evening. It has taken a lot for you to get through this week, you've shown a lot of resilience and it's OK to need to retreat at this point to a safe space like your bed - is that a safe space for you, generally? I don't want to assume that it is, but sounds like you might get some comfort and rest there, away from some of the stressors.

Have you let anyone else know how vulnerable you're feeling tonight? Is there anyone else you can confide in about your suicidal feelings?

Is your dad around? Maybe let him know you’re not in bed sick or just tired- that you’re very stressed.
I hope you feel better in the morning.

My dad has gone back to where he works now. I’m really struggling with everything. I feel closer to killing my self if I’m honest. I just I dunno, I’m just really not doing good right now.

Sorry you’re having a rough time. What activities sometimes help when you feel like this?

I had a 3 hour nap which helped a bit.