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Original poster

I know i am

47 replies

Drinkingtoomuch · 07/07/2019 19:35

I had my first baby last year. Got pnd. Df has two other kids. Love them to bits. But ex has always caused a lot of stess. Right down to declaring my child should never be born. Despite her having multiple relationships encouraging them to call him dad.

I am no perfect. Neither is dF. I only say this to avoid a drip feed.

Mum of other two complains how she does everything. Ignoring the facr that with his hours i actually do everything beyond the weekend we see the kids. And even then it js me in the parent role as he is tied up with ither work.

I don't want to hear ltb.

I know he can be a git. And i have screwed at him many a times over how he is failong our family unit (sc included)

My concern is - due to all this stress and drama with the ex, df being useleas at best, while getting to grips with being a ftm.

I have resorted to alcohol. Never enough to be pissed. Or even tipsy beyond the odd night.

But i am drained. I am broken. And infucking depressed as the odd window of break when he is home that i should get, i get more work instead.

I find myself crying a lot. And feeling like when we have his kids unless i keep quite and nod and agree and do whatever they ask, df included, if i don't, I'm dirt that should be blanked and ignored like i don't exist.

Am i being unreasonable by considering despite how much i don't want sc to have life messed up even more, that i need to find a way to focus on my littlw one and give is both a chance of a life?

OP posts:
Choice4567 · 07/07/2019 19:38

You do sound very stressed out by everything, and I didn’t want to read and not reply. But I’m very sorry I’m not sure who the people are that you’re referring to in your post and how they relate to you/your children.

Choice4567 · 07/07/2019 19:39

I’ve tried reading it again but I’m afraid the whole post is very confusing

Babymamamama · 07/07/2019 19:41

Not unreasonable to want to focus on you and your little one. But you’ve had a child with someone who already has two others and it’s not their fault so they deserve to see their dad and their half sibling. This is all important. Can you get some help for your PND and drinking from the GP? Things will get better but drinking is not the answer. Hope you can get some help.

Original poster
Drinkingtoomuch · 07/07/2019 19:46

Oh i completely agree. I don't blame the children. I love them and understand they've been through so much.

The only one i ever blame is my DF.

The kids are awesome. Their only "downsides" are purely through kids being kids and also kids going through a lot.

I have no anger towards them.

I have anger towards my df. I will ask him to please parent his two and even take mine off my shoulders for a bit so i can get my head together. He will swear he will. But it never happens.

Today i got made to feel the bad guy cos he was on the console witb his other two with the baby ate (and o washed up and cooked for them all) and i nicely asked if he could wipe our childs hands. But suddenly i was a dick for expecting him to stop a game for that.

But i only couldn't cos i was in the middle of cleaning up after cooking and cleaning for them all...

My problem lies with df

OP posts:
Original poster
Drinkingtoomuch · 07/07/2019 19:48

I just need one window of break. Just a little one. Not to dismiss sc. They are awesome and 100% part of my family.

But atm i need a brwak from my own kid. Ive had a year with none. It os hard being a new mum and then instead of a break getting more kids to watch

OP posts:
Far2go46 · 07/07/2019 19:52

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/07/2019 19:54

So when your partner has his kids you end up being the default parent for them as well as your own child.

You are still struggling with PND and self medicating with alcohol. Your partner is being a git and reacting badly when you call him out on it.

Firstly, go to see you GP about the drinking and your low mood.
You know that long term you can’t stay will him if he will continue like this but focus on your recovery until you feel a bit stronger.

Original poster
Drinkingtoomuch · 07/07/2019 19:55

Far2go... i know i am being unreasonable over drinking. I am awarw my post screams very much "me me me" but i also made a clear point i do not blame the kids. Snd tbh i do not even blame df as i appreciate he is in an awkward position.

I do blame myself as i am aware i am ths only one that can control my feelings and drink. Doesn't stop it being hard and I'm asking for a way to control this.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/07/2019 19:57

You are allowed to be me,me,me if no one else is looking out for you

Original poster
Drinkingtoomuch · 07/07/2019 19:58

Chaz - rhat is my plan. But I'm scared. I'm scared it will risk me keeping my daughter. And i am also scared it will then come up in df constant court case for the kids. Then he will hate me even more.

As much as he is scared to play the bad guy - he is a good dad. If anything the fact he is so soft is part of the problem as it is stuff most would say no to. But understandably after all they've been through he wants his sc to be happy. Can't blame him for that

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 07/07/2019 19:58

Well stop doing that then. He needs to parent his children but he won't if you keep doing it.

exWifebeginsat40 · 07/07/2019 19:59

do not do not do not get into the habit of drinking at your anger or sadness. that way devastation lies.

source: raging alcoholic, hurt everyone i love, 5 years sober one day at a time. still sad and angry, but heavily medicated now!

Blanca87 · 07/07/2019 20:00

He's not a good dad, pal.

Original poster
Drinkingtoomuch · 07/07/2019 20:00

I did just that this afternoon, i saw on ghe kids face they were the only ones that saw the result of that.

Children don't deserve that.

They got a quick rushed dinner which didnt look nice at all. They were a bit out of place. All while me and mine hid in our bedroom. That just seems so cruel. I couldn't do that again for my little girl or for them

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/07/2019 20:01

PND is a medical condition. Drinking is not uncommon in people with poorly managed depression. Courts are not going to use it against you unless you were pretending there wasn’t a problem and refusing help.

Ozziewozzie · 07/07/2019 20:01

This is a tough one.
Firstly, I think you feel trapped and over whelmed by the whole situation. In your mind, you want your life to be happy and simple and straight forward. The reality is the opposite. You’re tired, overwhelmed, frustrated, resentful and desperate to feel ok again.
You resent the kids, but tell yourself you don’t ( this is understandable by the way)
You resent your dp for having the sc, because you just put more pressure on yourself to be perfect.
Most of how you feel, you don’t say with any honesty. Ie I just wish I could have time to myself and you all just did off ‘ because you feel you’d look like a raving loon. Instead you just keep going but meanwhile you’re becoming more over whelmed and more resentful.
In a good day, you feel you can cope and that it’s going to be ok. But then when faced with it all it’s like a slap around the face.

Asking dp to wipe babies hands, wasn’t because you needed help with this. It was more a case of ‘my god, I’m drowning here yet you’re sat there with your kids relaxing oblivious to it all and me. ‘
The drinking is what you use to do something for yourself and to help take away some of the crappiness you feel.

I understand your post ( at least what you’re saying despite the words etc being fuddled)

Do you have anyone you can trust?

Original poster
Drinkingtoomuch · 07/07/2019 20:02

That is my fear. I know i am on the line to be an alcoholic. The only reason i not pissed and only merry and maybe slightly tispy come the evening is tolerance.

Sept i asked df to please support me in cutting back so i can balance as stress is a huge factor
He screams he will unless it doesn't suit him. Which hurts me and makes me turn to drink more

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 07/07/2019 20:03

Is df your father or the babies father

floraloctopus · 07/07/2019 20:04

DF? Your father?

Original poster
Drinkingtoomuch · 07/07/2019 20:05

Ozzie - everythinf you have said is exactly how i feel. I have always needed a simple life or i end up ill. Being a new mum is hard enough. Without the sudden abuse along witb it (they had been separated 6 years at this point btw)

I feel like i can't breathe. And i never see him enough due to work to see any light. We get odd momemts. In general he makes me happy. But i feel like there are hands around my throat constantly

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/07/2019 20:05

I assumed DF = Dear Fiancé

Original poster
Drinkingtoomuch · 07/07/2019 20:06

Df is fiance and daughters father

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/07/2019 20:08

And he am his ex are at war and you are caught in the crossfire

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/07/2019 20:08

he and

Starlight456 · 07/07/2019 20:10

If I am honest I am still struggling to get it .

What ex says is irrelevant . She complains she does everything because she does . You may be In the same position but that doesn’t make her comment any less valid.

Is ex actually working in the week . Unless he is away from home he can still do something even if he is out while baby is asleep he can provide emotional support.

Does he have his children every weekend ? Tell him you are off out for the day leave him with the 3