I know i am

[Drinkingtoomuch]

I had my first baby last year. Got pnd. Df has two other kids. Love them to bits. But ex has always caused a lot of stess. Right down to declaring my child should never be born. Despite her having multiple relationships encouraging them to call him dad.

I am no perfect. Neither is dF. I only say this to avoid a drip feed.

Mum of other two complains how she does everything. Ignoring the facr that with his hours i actually do everything beyond the weekend we see the kids. And even then it js me in the parent role as he is tied up with ither work.

I don't want to hear ltb.

I know he can be a git. And i have screwed at him many a times over how he is failong our family unit (sc included)

My concern is - due to all this stress and drama with the ex, df being useleas at best, while getting to grips with being a ftm.

I have resorted to alcohol. Never enough to be pissed. Or even tipsy beyond the odd night.

But i am drained. I am broken. And infucking depressed as the odd window of break when he is home that i should get, i get more work instead.

I find myself crying a lot. And feeling like when we have his kids unless i keep quite and nod and agree and do whatever they ask, df included, if i don't, I'm dirt that should be blanked and ignored like i don't exist.

Am i being unreasonable by considering despite how much i don't want sc to have life messed up even more, that i need to find a way to focus on my littlw one and give is both a chance of a life?

It sounds like your biggest problem is lack of support from your partner

I know it's difficult when you're on a downward spiral, but please don't go down the drinking route. Think of the children if not for yourself. Go and speak to a doctor and sort the PND properly. I've had both PND and Post Partum Psychosis. Adding a depressant like alcohol into this mix is not going to help and will become a vicious circle.

I had support for pnd. But due to baby going on very well she claimed a lot of mine was emotional and not to do with her. Shame as she was lovely and helped a lot.

I out some blame to df ex as she will use windows to complain about doing it all but he takes her to court a lot to see them more.

I will be the first to say discipline wise he sucks. He does. But he loves them and has spent thousands to get some basic agreement in place. He has eow, but due to working 5am till 2am eow himself he is unavle to have them more. I would be happy to have them but it wouldn't be fair to them and i understand where their mum is coming from thst aspect. Biy she wont even allow holidays even before me

I apoligse for any typos. O Cant stop crying

Tbh without sounding like I'm goinf doe rhe sympathy act, all iknew how tondo before was cut. Or when things got too bad i tried to end things. Now I feel si trapped as i never want any ig the kids ti go through that yet wt the same time. I just can't cope anymore

Your post is a bit confusing

df is 'usually' dear father. do you mean dp as in dear partner

regardless of the confusion you are not being unreasonable to need a break - or at least some support. You sound a very caring personin a very challenging situation

Oh Love, don't do this to yourself.

Please seek help for your drinking. Even if you aren't yet a 'full blown' alcoholic, it's a very slippery slope!! See your GP about counseling, attend a support meeting like AA.

As far as HE goes, right now focus on YOU and getting to grips with your drinking and your life. Once you do you'll know what to do about HIM. And that's all I have to say about that, as Forrest Gump says!

Please see if you can find someone you can talk to. If not your GP then please try to find a Health Visitor that you feel comfortable with - PND is an absolute bastard and I'm not one bit surprised that you've fallen into having a drink to try and cope considering everything else that's going on. You will get through it and you will be okay but you really, really need to put yourself and your baby first, please talk to someone. For PND there are Guided Self-Help groups available locally (and online) - when you have your head clear of alcohol please have a look and see if that sounds like something you would be able to access, there is so much help out there for you.

Df keeps telling me i will have dd taken off me if i am honest about drinking issues as i have depression history. Is that not teue?

You need to let your doctor know about the stress, the dad & his other children, your crying, the alcohol..... everything!

I am under mental health team anyway. But weve3had a whole new changw over. None of my original people that new me are part of the team. I am still in touch with my old care worker, as family/friends. But i have no wish to ruin that by thinking I'm using her

I know it sounda like I'm putting off everything. But i know where my relationsho is really heading and Im scared of isolating everyone

Whats hard os he can act so caring and sweet. Then when it comes down to it he plain blanks you, to the point you get frustrated. Then suddenly you're the bad guy. It feels so manipulative

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly - AIBU can be a little robust sometimes. to you, OP.

If you are under a mental health team then why has none of this been picked up on?

Your partner is kind of correct in thinking it'll be an issue for your daughter. There is a high chance that social services can be informed and you may have to work with them. Time to sort things out.

Most people can act “caring and sweet” some of the time.
But some of the time is not enough.
And trying to scare you about your depression & alcohol use isn’t caring or sweet.

Your focus needs to be on you and your baby, and getting whatever help you need.

Hasn't been picked up on cos of the change over/fear i have ot opening up.

Little girl is very loved. Wll milestones plus more being hit. My life is my daughter and sc. They are not my issue.

You are more at risk in a custody battle if you haven’t asked for help when you need it. Asking for help is a good thing. It shows you being realistic and reasonable and want to do your best for your child.

Please ask for help before things get too out of control

Thank you. So if i ask it won't come to him using it against me? I never drink beyond coping. I'm never drunk around my daughter. Ever.

He might try but courts are sensible. They consider the whole picture.

It’s good you’ve started to think about things. That is the first step. I’m sure you will find lots of help and support on here if you need it. But definitely get the GP to help you too and point you on the right path. Your fiancé sounds like he could make some improvements to his attitude by the way.

My family is my world. I want all children to be happy and settled

Work on yourself first the rest will follow. Good luck.