so heres my story

[Uupumus]

Wife gets pregnant. i say it that way becasus she was on the pill at the time, but it turns out 'not always taking it'

its not too bad a pregnancy, but she is sore and off work for half of it because of bad muscles in iher side (same as i get cause im overweight)
i have to do pretty much everything, and im stressed about everyting, being a good parent through affording a baby, and making the house nice.

month and a half b4 the baby, i go over my ankle and sprain it badly and chip the bone. ive got alot of medical knowladge, so i know whats wrong, but i cant afford to be in a cast because without me workin we are shafted royally.

im not sleeping, and when the baby finally comes ive been awake literally 3 and a half days. i consume enough energy drink to get the 2 hour drive done and get through everything (like the 8 hours holding my wifes leg in the air standing on my broke ankle) that it starts causing me heart problems. (had to get medication because the caffine, lack of sleep and stress are killing me and sending my blood pressure into the stratosphere.

the next month, im looking after the baby most nights and bottle feeding her becaue my wife is tired. Im doing my duty, but i just want to die.

we are now a few months, in, and im no less tired. the house is a hole, because whenever one of us cleans is dosent stay that way for long. the baby is well, the wife is worried about me. and although she thinks im sleeping now i just pretent to sleep and wish for death.

Im not suicidal, not trying. but i really dont care about being alive. I play with my beautifual daughter and smile. but there is nothing behind it, she is amazing. but there is nothing left in me. i literally dont remember the last time i actually felt something. the docter says its a discociative state, and they can last a little while some times a day or so. i havent the heart to tell him (ususally cause my wife is there) that its been like this since the hospital. every time i feel a pain in my chest or my head i hope its the last one.

so cheer up. it could be worse as everyone keeps saying.

@BrightYellowPostItNotes .......did you read the part where his wife was on the pill? In a trusting marriage, if the pill is the choice of contraception, why should condoms be required?

Your post is very unhelpful given the OP's situation and mental state.

OP - you should ask for this to be moved to Relationships as AIBU is a nest of vipers most times and someone will be along soon to explain to you why this is all your own fault. Best wishes.

@BrightYellowPostItNotes .....x posted!

OP, is there any possibility that you could take a few days (paid) leave from work and either visit family or book into a hotel? I'm not talking about a big holiday, just a few days(or long weekend) in a different location to break the current cycle of exhaustion. You might find that you can sleep in a clean, quiet room away from personal and work stresses.

Getting a couple of good nights' sleep will at least give you the mental clarity to decide what to do next. I agree that you need to go back to the doctor and explain what's been happening.

You have a beautiful little daughter who needs you. If anything happened to you, what would happen to her?

Get help asap, for her sake as well as your own.

OP you have made the hairs on my head stand in end because I have lived what you are describing through someone I love. Being low and not sleeping can cause the dissociative state that you are describing as well as psychotic episodes in people that have never had a psychotic episode before (and might never have one again as they recover). By a psychotic episode I don't mean violence or aggression but believing things that are not true or being uncertain what reality actually is (losing touch with reality).

You need (as in our situation) rest/ change of what is making you so unhappy / stressed and medication (citalopram in our case). If you can't do all of these do what you can. Please pursue meds they can make a huge difference. Coming off them led to minor relapse in our case and then straight back on them so was no where near as bad as the first time.

What I can promise you is recovery is possible- I felt so worried and terrified that this person would not recover/may never be able to work again. The reality was improvement in weeks and working again within months. I appreciate you are still working. Nothing is more important than your health and your families health. Nothing. You don't care about your self at the moment but you will as you recover. Please please get to your doctor and prioritise your health over everything else so that you are able to recover for your family if not yourself. Xxx

'And the wife can get up at night wither her, all i have to do is look after her for 4 or so hours at night, and work, learn the locla language and clean, cook, do the garden and renovate the house....to be fare the wife makes me break fast some days'.

Have you spoken to your wife about this as it reads that you believe you are doing the majority of the work.

It takes 2 to tango and if you didn’t want the baby then you probably should have told your wife. It sounds like the current set up isn’t working and maybe you need to evaluate between you cleaning / who does night feeds etc. Going to the doctor also sounds like a good idea

I get that you were doing the lion's share of everything while your wife was struggling in pregnancy, but why are you still doing everything now that she's not? Gardens and renovations need to go on the back burner while your baby is small, so unless there's some financial/safety reason why you have to do them, just let them go. The two of you should be focusing on keeping your baby alive and well, and feeding yourselves/paying the bills. Everything else can wait.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this op. Please go back and see your gp. I hope things improve for you soon.

You are clearly a very loving man who is justifiably overwhelmed.
Can you try talking to your wife about division of labour? Things seem very unequal at the moment.
Please go back to your doctor without your wife and talk about how things are, including your potential issue with energy drinks.
You sound like you might believe the man has to do everything, but that's not the case. And having a heart attack from stress and caffeine is the last thing anyone wants, even though I understand how much of a relief it feels that would be (been there).
This will get better. But you must start to prioritise your own health. I hope in Finland there are the services to enable you to do that, I have heard it's better than the UK in many ways.

This is not a dissociative state. If you were in a dissociative state you couldn’t write this post on mumsnet. I think you are in pain but you need to help yourself.

If you’re working then you shouldn’t be getting up during the night. Also, antihistamines can help you to sleep, as can diazepam. But if you’re eating too much sugar and not getting any physical activity then you’re not going to sleep.

I don’t think it sounds like a dissociative state at all. It does sound like depression. Medication would help (you are right about increased impulsivity and suicide risk in the first weeks though) but it sounds like that isn’t something you’re ready to consider, so I won’t go there.
What would make the most difference to you?
If it’s losing weight and improving your heart health maybe speak to your doctor about metformin. It can be prescribed for weight loss to reduce cardiometabolic risk.
If it’s sleep, it’d help to know why you aren’t sleeping. If it’s your mind keeping you awake, something like cbd oil could help. Have you looked into sleep hygiene? A long walk outside in the evening, no screens for an hour before bed, fresh air in the bedroom, cut out caffeine (after 5pm at least if you’re dependant), chamomile tea, a warm bath etc.
Mood wise, try keeping a journal of 5 nice things each day. It trains you to notice them again, which is a skill you can lose. Little things like sunsets, compliments, nice conversations (even with strangers), your daughter taking pleasure in something, the smell of her hair. It might help you learn to reconnect with the world.
I’d speak to your wife about doing her share too. If you can’t explain the reasons you need this I’d phrase it as a transaction: “why don’t I mind the baby whilst you have a long bath/ see your mum/ whatever she’d like, then you can take over for an hour this afternoon so I can xxxx.” You need to take time to do something you’ve enjoyed in the past/ something relaxing for you even if it takes a few weeks for you to relearn how to enjoy things/ relax. The best advice I was ever given was to do something for myself every day (I often forget to follow it, but notice the difference when I force myself to do it regularly).
Good luck, and keep talking on here.

You are struggling and doing too much. Talk to your wife again, even if she cries, she needs to do a lot more for the sake of your health.

And as for the idiotic "Why didn't you war a condom" question. Ignore it. You believed your wife and had no cause to doubt her. Now you know better.

You need to go back to the GP...ALONE. Be honest. I know you need to work but can it really get much worse than this inside? Keep posting here too. Friends come to you in all manner of ways x

You really need to lay off the energy drinks, even if you're tired and think they'll keep you going. You need to try to look after your body a bit.

It won't always be like this, you just have to keep going, take it day by day, minute by minute. See your GP and try some anti-depressant medications.

If you're worried about your wife getting pregnant again and don't trust her to respect that you're not ready for another child, then you need to take care of contraception yourself.

You sound really unwell OP. Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing. You also sound depressed. I think you need to speak to your GP about getting anti-depressants and counselling. You deserve to be well

Can you try meditation., deep breathing exercuses etc?

Please today buy off Amazon
DR GUY MEADOWS "Good Sleep Guide" and also online "Sleepio" app. You can and will get through this OP. I have been there and survived. You can survive, be happy and look forward to life again. Please believe it!

I agree that it would be a good idea to double up on contraception now. You are not in a position to have a second child. A pregnancy where you’re off work half the time is not pretty good in my experience. Most of my friends and I were able to work up to 36+ weeks bar the odd day off for appointments.

I agree that it might be worth trying a couple of nights away to sleep. Are any family able to visit to help out?

Do you know where you stand with your employer/the state if you took some time off on the sick?

First thing and most important - if you are finding the energy to have sex with your wife, wear condoms (or possibly even get a vasectomy). You can't rely on your wife for contraception and bringing another child into this would be an abject disaster.

Your wife needs to step up. Yourvwife needs to support your wellbeing as you suppirted her pg.

Go to see your doctor without your wife in tow and be honest with him/her.

Cruelstepmother

This is so sad. I wish you lived on the Isle of Wight - I would come and help you

Its comments like that which are the ones that make me amazed at just how kind some people can be on theis board, take a bow for offering:)

Mate, sounds to me like your just overloaded at the moment and a bit depressed can you please talk to your doctor and tell him or her just how your feeling?.

And please ignore some fo the comments on here!