Wife gets pregnant. i say it that way becasus she was on the pill at the time, but it turns out 'not always taking it'
its not too bad a pregnancy, but she is sore and off work for half of it because of bad muscles in iher side (same as i get cause im overweight)
i have to do pretty much everything, and im stressed about everyting, being a good parent through affording a baby, and making the house nice.
month and a half b4 the baby, i go over my ankle and sprain it badly and chip the bone. ive got alot of medical knowladge, so i know whats wrong, but i cant afford to be in a cast because without me workin we are shafted royally.
im not sleeping, and when the baby finally comes ive been awake literally 3 and a half days. i consume enough energy drink to get the 2 hour drive done and get through everything (like the 8 hours holding my wifes leg in the air standing on my broke ankle) that it starts causing me heart problems. (had to get medication because the caffine, lack of sleep and stress are killing me and sending my blood pressure into the stratosphere.
the next month, im looking after the baby most nights and bottle feeding her becaue my wife is tired. Im doing my duty, but i just want to die.
we are now a few months, in, and im no less tired. the house is a hole, because whenever one of us cleans is dosent stay that way for long. the baby is well, the wife is worried about me. and although she thinks im sleeping now i just pretent to sleep and wish for death.
Im not suicidal, not trying. but i really dont care about being alive. I play with my beautifual daughter and smile. but there is nothing behind it, she is amazing. but there is nothing left in me. i literally dont remember the last time i actually felt something. the docter says its a discociative state, and they can last a little while some times a day or so. i havent the heart to tell him (ususally cause my wife is there) that its been like this since the hospital. every time i feel a pain in my chest or my head i hope its the last one.
so cheer up. it could be worse as everyone keeps saying.