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Mental health

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Original poster

I think I want to go now

55 replies

blameitonmyjuice · 05/05/2019 17:59

I think I’ve had all I can take .

I’ve phoned NHS 24 and they will phone within the next hour but I am exhausted . I’m so very unhappy and scared permanently and I can’t keep going any more . I’ve been asking and asking for help and no one can give it . Family say I’m causing my own problems and burdening everyone else while I’m at it . I don’t know why I’m posting , just to feel less alone while I wait on someone calling back .

OP posts:

Dhalandchips · 05/05/2019 18:01

Is it worth calling Samaritans for a bit while you wait?

Bobbindobbin · 05/05/2019 18:02

You are not alone and you are not worthless. Please please remember that. Can you talk to us ?

Original poster

blameitonmyjuice · 05/05/2019 18:03

I’m scared to . I’m not sure what they would say or suggest . I’m worried now I’ve told 111 that I’m going to find myself locked up . My relative told me people laugh at suicidal people , she said doctors will just laugh at me and tell me to grow up . I haven’t even got the balls to do anything .

OP posts:

Bobbindobbin · 05/05/2019 18:04

Your relative is a knob cheese!! No one is or will laugh at you. Are you safe now?

Original poster

blameitonmyjuice · 05/05/2019 18:05

I am though . My dad told me he wished he’d never had children, that having children destroyed all he wanted .

My mum has multiple MH issues and my family have told me since I was 5 or 6 that I’m the cause .

I became suicidal at university in February , was advised to move home to my mum’s as literally nowhere else to go , short of being admitted to psych unit at uni . I wish I hadn’t come home . Family have told me I’ve ruined my mums life .

OP posts:

Original poster

blameitonmyjuice · 05/05/2019 18:05

I haven’t done anything just sitting on the edge of my bed . NHS 24 said someone will call by half 6 or so .

OP posts:

Bobbindobbin · 05/05/2019 18:06

you are not to blame for anything .

Original poster

blameitonmyjuice · 05/05/2019 18:09

I don’t know how I fix it . I got angry at my mum and said some horrible things . I’ve hurt myself (not enough to cause worry, I’m not brave enough) . If NHS 24 say to do meditation or self help cbt think I will just cry . I genuinely don’t know the way to sort it .

OP posts:

Original poster

blameitonmyjuice · 05/05/2019 18:11

Stupid really I spend all day every day scared I’m going to drop dead , to the point I won’t even climb the stairs sometimes , I don’t know how that then becomes feeling suicidal , you’d think that would be the last thing that would cross my mind .

OP posts:

WildFlower2019 · 05/05/2019 18:11

Often people blame others because it's easier to do that then look at themselves and admit the cold hard truth.

So your relatives blaming you? Much easier to blame you than actually look inwards isn't it?

It's easier to blame your child for your failings in life than actually look in the mirror and admit to yourself that you didn't pull your finger out of our arse and actually try to change things.

It's much easier to blame society, the government, circumstances, your children... anybody but yourself.

Worth remembering....

Madratlady · 05/05/2019 18:13

I have worked for nhs 111 (which I think is the same as nhs 24) and have also been a nurse before having children. I can assure you that I never saw anyone laugh at suicidal people. We also couldn’t get anyone locked up, nor would anyone - doctor or anyone else, want to lock you up against your will, inpatient treatment is usually voluntary unless you’re a danger to those around you. What people will want to do is help you. Well done for taking the step to call.

EducatingArti · 05/05/2019 18:15

Take care and look after yourself.
It is so horrible to be where you are I know, but it can get better, honestly.
What helped me in the end was regular counselling/ psychotherapy and learning to hold a firm boundary with certain family members.

MNHQ

LilyMumsnet · 05/05/2019 18:16

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Walnutwhipster · 05/05/2019 18:18

Your relatives are dicks. There is help but I know it can take time. Please hang on in there it will be worth it and I promise you no one will ever laugh at you. xx

Original poster

blameitonmyjuice · 05/05/2019 18:27

A doctor phoned and asked if I could come along to see them at local out of hour’s centre , at half eight . I don’t know if i should pack bags or something . I can’t go home if I go out , but wouldn’t know where else to go . Stupid .

OP posts:

Sakura7 · 05/05/2019 18:29

You are not to blame OP, your family have let you down.

Nothing stays bad forever, take a deep breath and remind yourself that this will pass. And the doctors, Samaritans, etc, are not going to judge you, they are here to help people in your situation. Your family are full of shit.

Do get help and keep posting here if you want to

Topseyt · 05/05/2019 18:40

If you can go along to the Out of Hours then do.

Your relatives sound like clueless arseholes at best. Nobody will laugh at you for your depression. I have a 16 year old DD who has serious depression plus an eating disorder. A few months ago she was very close to being withdrawn from school and probably admitted to a unit. Nobody laughed at us. She has now been medicated for several months, having proper therapy and is now doing a lot better.

Please go and try to get the help you need. You have ruined no-one's life. Your relatives are being dickheads and totally unhelpful. Not what you need right now.

Keep talking here. Many of us understand, or have cared for someone in a similar situation to you.

stitchwitch84 · 05/05/2019 18:52

Hi OP,

I'm so sorry you feel this awful. I've been there and it's rough.

It might be worth packing a bag, and prepare yourself for a stay on a ward. It might well turn out to be the best thing that could happen for you. It was for me, it turned me around and saved my life. Took a long time, but I got there.

Have an abundance of hugs and good wishes. I hope you make it to your appointment and that things turn a corner for you.

Whatistheworldcominto · 05/05/2019 18:52

Please go to the out of hours OP, they're there to help people in a health crisis and that's what this is.
And Doctors don't laugh at patients who are ill, no matter what that illness is.
Try MIND too for some help and support as your family is not supportive. And Samaritan's are there to listen, I have used them before, via message and it really helped to pour everything out, no matter how jumbled it seemed in my head.
I obviously don't know about you or your family but just one thing strikes me from your OP - little children are not to blame for their parents choices or actions - they are the responsibility of the parent.
'This too will pass' it may not feel that way right now, but it will, and you will be stronger for it.
Much love OP 💐

Bobbindobbin · 05/05/2019 18:55

Please please go, you are worth it. Keep
us updated if you want to.

KindleAndCake · 05/05/2019 19:10

Hi OP, I'm so sorry you are going through this, your relatives are really not helping you, you need some time away from them to start you feeling better. Poor mental health sucks, I'm right there with you. Not as bad, but then I live nowhere near any of my relatives anymore. It can get better.

milksoffagain · 05/05/2019 19:17

You deserve to be listened to; you deserve to be heard.

Your family's attitude towards you sounds disgusting and they don't deserve you. Don't let their rubbish destroy you!

Children are born innocent - it is the adults around them who have fucked up their lives NOT YOU by not asking to be born.

You deserve better so go and get it. Let the doctor know exactly how you feel and take a packed bag with you.

Take care, I send you huge hugs and wish you all the best. I hope this doctor doesn't let you down. xxxxx

milksoffagain · 05/05/2019 19:19

Please let us know how you get on if you can x

Original poster

blameitonmyjuice · 05/05/2019 19:26

GP now phoning instead , family have decided not a good to leave the house alone (and they won’t come with) .. not sure what GP can or will do over phone but will speak to them when they ring . Absolutely exhausted . Have stopped crying at least . Thank you so much for all the lovely posts , it is goos to feel you’re not alone iyswim .

OP posts:

stucknoue · 05/05/2019 19:32

You are not alone. If you go to a&e there's a mental health specialist, some areas have specialists on ambulances and they bypass a&e. None of us can say what you should do, but if you were my daughter I would take you to a&e. My daughter is your age and I've spent several nights sitting for mh triage, they were lovely and managed to get her stable,

If living at home is the issue then your gp and council can find solutions in your area, supported living of some kind. There's support I promise. Please remember that there's people here who genuinely care.

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