I think I want to go now

[blameitonmyjuice]

I think I’ve had all I can take .

I’ve phoned NHS 24 and they will phone within the next hour but I am exhausted . I’m so very unhappy and scared permanently and I can’t keep going any more . I’ve been asking and asking for help and no one can give it . Family say I’m causing my own problems and burdening everyone else while I’m at it . I don’t know why I’m posting , just to feel less alone while I wait on someone calling back .

Just a wee update :

Saw my usual GP on Tuesday . She has given me mirtazipine which has made me very sleepy , very ‘flat’ but I’m not as scared as I was ... to take 15mg for a fortnight and see how we go . I’m a big lass (21 and a half stone) so very cautious : if I gain weight I’ve to stop it immediately.

I’ve spoken to uni re money and have a form to fill out . GP said I’ve spent a lot (we worked out together how much) on ‘stuff’ but she thinks that might have been symptomatic of depression ... I’ve also applied for a part time job with KFC meantime .

Still very lonely but ... fingers crossed .

Mum much the same as usual - her family helping her as and when .

I’n also going to my aunts next month for 2/3 nights then another relatives for a few nights after that .. I think that will help more than anything . I really hope . Train to aunts involves a change but I’ll book assistance all the way .

Good for you, I hope things start to look brighter for you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, you can do this- you ARE doing this ! X

That sounds really positive OP, you're on the right track.

Thank you . Very wary of travelling to my aunty’s - what do I do if I have a panic or feel ill on the train - but I can write out lists of ‘what if’ . I just wish I didn’t feel so lonely . My mum used to tell everyone how proud she was of me - now all she says is how frustrated she is with me . Sister is the same . No one phones for me . Nothing .

You can write out lists of ‘what if’ (good idea!) and lots of other things!

Luckily you are not so young that you can’t see your mother’s attitude sometimes comes from her own problems.

You can be proud you take good care of yourself. You get help when you need it. You make some changes & try some things.