Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Is it ok to have a suicide plan

37 replies

allinit · 07/04/2019 07:46

Not to alarm anyone, I'm not going to do it now.

I'm having a very hard time physically and mentally, have problems eating, sleeping, crying a lot etc.

Been to GP- offered meds but I'm still trying to get used to medication side effects from illness.

I've just got myself in a big hole crying every day, thoughts on a loop, I. An see how this has gradually escalated from despair to very low mood to going completely into a shell feeling that actually nobody can help me and whatever I do, I can't help myself.

I'm fully in control atm and although I think about Suicide a few times a day, I can always manage to process these thoughts and push through.

I just wondered if anyone else had a plan of how they would end it, not intending to do it, just to make them feel safe. It's like the feeling that you are in control. It's a logical thought not a drama, something that makes me feel safe. Or is this escalating more and do I need help Blush

OP posts:
Stormwhale · 07/04/2019 07:51

Often suicidal thoughts are a coping mechanism, when things are just too much to bear. However it does sound like things are getting worse as you are needing to think this way.

I would urge you to reach out to your gp, or if you are already under mental health community services, to give them a call to ask to be seen.

My husband was recently like this due to an anxiety spiral. It was all too much so he was thinking about suicide, had a plan, but didn't want to do it. They put him under the home treatment team/crisis team as an attempt to keep him out of hospital this time. It has been working well and he is feeling a bit better.

There is always hope that things can improve, unless you commit suicide, then all hope is gone. Reach out for some help OP, and hopefully you wont have to feel like this forever. Flowers

Surfskatefamily · 07/04/2019 07:52

Its not ok..its a big alarm to give it this much thought.

I have been there and honestly was so close. What stopped me was thinking about how it would hurt my parents and husband.

I went to my gp and got a referral to a mental health charity who assessed me via phone that day and then i can seen within a week.

Go to your gp, dont play it down. Just tell them youv got very serious thoughts and you need help asap

Surfskatefamily · 07/04/2019 07:53

Ask for support as the meds arent alone getting you in the best place

Surfskatefamily · 07/04/2019 07:54

Have you got photos of the people you love around your home?? I find having lots to look at helps

I hope this gets better for you asap

CherryPavlova · 07/04/2019 07:55

No, it’s not OK. You sound really very unwell and need more effective care and treatment. You sound like you need looking after. I would urge you to go back to your GP as a matter of some urgency and be open with them about the issue.

Original poster
allinit · 07/04/2019 07:57

Thank you so much- I am a logical thinker and this helps me see things from a different perspective.

When you are alone in your own thoughts so much you just don't get any perspective. And yes exactly it's a huge fast spiral.

I saw my Gp and for one reason or other I feel very let down and am scared to go back, like there is a block. I'm afraid of more medication. Literally none of my family have ANY idea what goes on in my head all day and night, none at all.

If I have this plan with no intention of carrying this out it just makes me feel I have an option. Thank you 🙏

OP posts:
Learntoloveyourself · 07/04/2019 08:01

You are very unlikely to get better without medication IMO. I urge you to go back to your GP and show them this post. Medication saved my life 12 years ago. I was where you are now.

Sending Flowers to you

Stormwhale · 07/04/2019 08:03

OP, what you need is a referral to the right people. Is there another gp you can see? If not I think your best option would be to present yourself at a&e. They can put you under the crisis team from there. You will not necessarily need more medication, but you do need support.

DogHairEverywhere · 07/04/2019 08:29

If you've lost faith in your gp, see another one, either at the same practice, or take yourself off to a&e. It sounds like you need more help to reach a better place. Talk through your options with a gp, explain you are reluctant to try different meds and see what they say.

MNHQ
SophieLMumsnet · 07/04/2019 09:22

Hi OP,

We're so sorry that you're feeling so low.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources, in case they might be helpful. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well. Flowers

Original poster
allinit · 07/04/2019 09:24

Thank you- the advice is good. I need to pluck up courage to see the lady Gp at the surgery

OP posts:
Babdoc · 07/04/2019 09:35

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time with depression, OP.
As PPs have said, having an actual plan for method of suicide, as opposed to just vaguely wishing you were dead, is a marker of severe depression, and you need psychiatric help.
Don’t be reluctant to take antidepressants for fear of side effects. These often reduce after a few weeks, and if not, there are many different tablets that can be tried instead.
If your GP is not helpful, then see another one at the practice - there may be one who subspecialises in psychiatry.
Depending on where you live, there may be an open access 24 hour psych service where you don’t need a referral from the GP, you can just turn up and be seen. I know there’s an excellent one at the Royal Edinburgh Psychiatric hospital, for example.
Please also consider confiding in a close friend or family member how you are feeling, or phone the Samaritans. A supportive person to talk to can help to break the endless loop of depressive thoughts and reassure you that you are not alone with this. Depression is an illness, no different to having cancer or a disability - it’s nothing to be ashamed of or to keep hidden. And it needs professional treatment.
Reach out and let people help you, OP. You deserve support, and you can and will recover with the right treatment. God bless.

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 07/04/2019 09:59

It's ok to know how you would do it as long as it remains hypothetical. I how how I would do it. As soon as it becomes how I WILL do it, it becomes a problem.

Please do see your GP. They can help a lot.

Wolfiefan · 07/04/2019 10:03

No it really isn’t.
@thesnapandfartisinfallible. Then it’s too late to seek help.

Babdoc · 07/04/2019 12:09

thesnapandfartisinfallible, when psychiatrists grade severity of depression, using a scoring system, having a definite plan for method of suicide carries a high score and is a marker for severe depression. Please don’t tell OP it’s ok - you may deter her from seeking the help she desperately needs.

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 07/04/2019 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wolfiefan · 07/04/2019 18:17

Erm no it’s not ok. It’s unhealthy and a sign that the OP needs help.
And when you’ve quite finished swearing at me you should know I say this as someone who has depression.

Original poster
allinit · 07/04/2019 19:45

I appreciate all your comments and discussion. I've had a really busy day today so have had moments where I haven't had the compulsive thoughts.

Not sure if anyone else has had this but I feel a huge buzz from knowing I have my plan, the letters I will write to people etc. It makes me feel happy, in fact having that control is the only thing that makes me feel good. I can step back and see this is completely disturbed.

It doesn't help that I am also starving myself and dropping weight rapidly, exercising compulsively. I realise this is upsetting the balance of my brain. It just makes me feel so good to have this control, the only good and happy feelings I have.

OP posts:
Original poster
allinit · 07/04/2019 19:47

I can also see how people who appear perfectly healthy and normal commit suicide out of the blue. How many other people seem to be functioning well but enduring the secret life of torture inside their own head?

OP posts:
icannotremember · 07/04/2019 20:02

I started taking anti depressants again in February and it was realising that I'd been googling "how to make suicide seem accidental" that sent me to the GP. Thoughts of suicide are one thing but plans are another. Even if you have no intention of acting on it, the thing is the plan is there. I don't think most people have a suicide plan. I don't now I am on the right medication and feeling a lot safer. You do need to get professional help. No one in my life other than my DH and three very close friends have any idea I was feeling and thinking that way- I'm good at covering it up to the rest of the world. There are probably lots and lots of people who seem fine but aren't. And all of them, including you, deserve to be helped and supported to feel better. It really is possible.

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 07/04/2019 20:12

You can have depression and still be a twat. It's people like you who scare others into not asking for help by telling them it's not ok to feel like that. Same as how people are too scared of social services to ask them for help when they need it. Who the hell are you to tell anyone what they can and can't think?

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2019 20:17

You need to see your GP again op. You really don’t sound well Flowers

Wolfiefan · 07/04/2019 21:06

Either you’re just spoiling for a fight or you don’t understand. By saying it’s normal you’re suggesting that it’s fine for OP to ignore this and continue until they become suicidal. By then it could be too late. What I’m saying is it’s not healthy and it’s not normal to feel like that and it’s an indication of needing RL help and support.
By you just carry on being rude and making out this is a normal way to live.
It isn’t.

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 07/04/2019 21:35

No what I'm saying is that it's a normal symptom if depression and she can talk candidly to her GP. If I'd read your post 6 months ago I'd be dead because I was terrified of telling the doctor in case they sectioned me. In reality they were very calm and matter of fact about it and it helps to know that you are not wrong in the head, a lot of people have these thoughts and they can be treated like any other symptom.

Wolfiefan · 07/04/2019 21:40

OP is asking if it’s what other people think and do.
Or do they need help.
They need help.
Shall leave the thread now as you seem to be determined to misunderstand me.
Feel free to apologise for detailing the thread and swearing at me too. I shan’t see it.