*i need this discussion*

[aintnoregular1]

I’m not too sure what I need and what I feel I will benefit from reaching out to Mumsnet.
My day looks a little bit like this:
9am - I am bloody amazing and quite frankly untouchable
10am - i give up and want to die
1030am - I’m looking good today (everyone is totally checking me out).. strutting around
11am - going to go and end my life
12pm - singing along to music in the car feeling on top of the world
1pm - I want to die but don’t want to hurt my family
2pm - being mischevious at work and laughing with colleagues whilst feeling elated
3pm - can’t even think about making it to tomorrow

So you can see where my frustration and confusion comes from. It’s exhausting and I want to know what’s going on.

I think you need to see your GP.
It sounds like ultra ultra rapid cycling bipolar.

It can be linked to the menopause- not sure how old you are if that’s relevant.
Also can be exacerbated by some antidepressants etc.

Please do see your GP.

I have this and have a diagnosis of BPD, sometimes the cycling between moods happens over days, not hours, but when I'm in one mood I can't imagine ever feeling differently, so for example I'll book a doctor's appointment when I'm depressed and can't see a future, then if on the day I'm feeling happy I'll cancel it, or if I do go then I won't remember how low I felt to be able to talk about it.

Sorry pressed too soon- meant to say- that whatever is going on, you can get help. There will be help for you. And you need to see someone IRL to get that help and get better

Sounds like a standard day to me.

If I'm lucky.

At the moment I only seem to have to down bits, but I'm feeling hopeful as there's a lot of it on my fb newsfeed so I'm guessing it's partly the time of year.

Thank you for your quick replies! I don’t really understand mental health but all I know is I don’t feel quite right sometimes. I hate going to the Dr’s.

Medication can be poisonous for my body.

I went 3 days with no water and felt terrible and tried to not eat but then realised I didn’t know why I was doing it

OP have you always been like this or is it a new thing?

I have had bad thoughts before but I haven’t really highlighted them as a problem and have just recognised that we have bad days. Recently it’s been changing lots very quickly.

I’m going to write a diary

Do you mind me asking how old you are? Don't answer if you don't want to.

25 years old

Please go to see your dr. Medication isnt the only option but you need to keep yourself safe. Your dr can get you assesed and give you telephone numbers of helplines so you have a point of access should you need emergency help.

I am very similar to you and have a diagnosis of BPD. Its not the same as bipolar. I am on meds for anxiety however many of the people in my support group (referred from gp) don't take meds.

Please get help - you don't need to feel like this x

I was also going to say it sounds like Borderline Personality (also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality). There is lots of help available as well as support groups and it's not just about medication. As others have said, please do go to see someone and get help.

Shall I create a diary first? Thank you for your replies

No. But do write down how you have been feeling as it will make it easier to start a conversation with a gp. Even if you copy your OP. I think thats a good summary.

Ask to be referred to local mental health services.

Sadly, nothing will happen quickly but get your name on the lists! You can self refer to many services- ask your dr for contacts. These can be nhs also.

From your OP you will notice that thoughts move around. They come and go. Thoughts do not last. Whether that is positive thought or negative thought.
The secret is to not latch onto them. Let them come and go.
I would suggest that you try mindful meditation.
A meditation that is mindful of the mind and what it is doing to become mindless. I.e. Able to watch thoughts without attachment.
HTH's

I have tried mindfulness but my mind feels too busy and then I need to go and do something else.

I have had a similar day so far today. I believe the dr will not see me

The mind has been busy..........yet you are still here. Let the mind do what it wants. It is only the mind.
The heart has been doing what it wants. The appendix has been doing what it wants. The blood has been running through your veins without hindrance.
Let the mind do the same. It cannot harm you.

Just watch it. Observe it. do not believe anything it is projecting.

Thank you for the above message. What you've said is very true.

Intrusive thoughts are difficult and maybe I need to learn more about mental health

Can I talk freely on here?

Many do, many don't, but it might help so that posters can direct you to a specific service that you may need for help and guidance.
It may be cathartic to write it down and get it out there.
Be careful though as what you write might identify you to another member of MN.
There is a guideline page somewhere on the site.

I think using what you’ve written (and perhaps write) on here would be a good starting point for an appt with GP.

This sounds like bipolar and must be massively hard to live with. I think you should get down to your GP pronto, you shouldn't have to live like this when treatment is available. Hugs to you, it sounds awful.

Rapidly cycling emotions is one of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder. I'd definitely go and have a look at if you fit any of the other symptoms.

Please do see your GP, they are there to help.

I have just signed up to a club. This will make things ok

And I love music, which always helps. What helps other people?