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Original poster

*i need this discussion*

75 replies

aintnoregular1 · 05/03/2019 22:12

I’m not too sure what I need and what I feel I will benefit from reaching out to Mumsnet.
My day looks a little bit like this:
9am - I am bloody amazing and quite frankly untouchable
10am - i give up and want to die
1030am - I’m looking good today (everyone is totally checking me out).. strutting around
11am - going to go and end my life
12pm - singing along to music in the car feeling on top of the world
1pm - I want to die but don’t want to hurt my family
2pm - being mischevious at work and laughing with colleagues whilst feeling elated
3pm - can’t even think about making it to tomorrow

So you can see where my frustration and confusion comes from. It’s exhausting and I want to know what’s going on.

OP posts:
Gingerkittykat · 06/03/2019 18:51

The busyness you describe in your head sounds a lot like the symptoms of bipolar I had last year. Not being able to get my mind to stop racing enough to concentrate on one thing at a time before my brain was telling me to move onto the next thing, suicidal thoughts, lots of noise and intrusive thought in my head.

The answer for me has been mood stabilisers, and also valium to take as required to bring my brain down to a more normal level.

I currently do tai chi and mindfulness exercises but when my brain was whirring it was impossible.

How is your sleep pattern?

How long has it been going on? Is it getting better or worse?

Creating a mood diary is not essential, but could be helpful to work out any patterns.

Original poster
aintnoregular1 · 06/03/2019 20:14

All of the replies are very interesting and helpful to read.

My sleep pattern is all over the place. I am all over the place but sometimes that's quite fun. I don't know how to explain it without sounding ridiculous. The intrusive thoughts are horrendous and very real. It's like there's two different people

OP posts:
Gingerkittykat · 06/03/2019 20:53

It doesn't sound ridiculous at all.

Aaaahfuck · 06/03/2019 20:59

I have anxiety so can't identify with the mood changes in the same way. But do understand the not feeling like your self. I really think you need to see your GP. Could you write in a diary why you've made the appointment and how you were feeling?

Original poster
aintnoregular1 · 06/03/2019 21:56

It is good to hear that others have similar experiences.
I have never had any trauma or anything bad happen in my life. I have no reason to feel down and nothing I need to talk about and that makes me reluctant to see the gp in case they want me to talk.

Is there such thing as just having an onset of feelings all over the place? It is tiring

OP posts:
Original poster
aintnoregular1 · 07/03/2019 00:52

And here I am... it's 1am. I need sleep

OP posts:
SleepWarrior · 07/03/2019 01:02

Can you listen to an audio book or something similar to filter out the noise inside your head? BBC player usually has a good selection of things to listen to. Flowers

Original poster
aintnoregular1 · 07/03/2019 09:53

I always have something on in the background when I sleep. Sometimes I tune into it and sometimes I don't. Thank you for the suggestions

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Original poster
aintnoregular1 · 07/03/2019 14:41

It's not a good day

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 07/03/2019 14:45

I’m sorry OP.
You don’t need a reason to be unwell. I have depression. No reason. I just do.
What makes you so worried about seeing your GP? You have symptoms you can talk to them about. You don’t need to give your entire life story. They can help.

Original poster
aintnoregular1 · 08/03/2019 02:49

I don't know what to say to my GP, and it very much depends on how I feel at that very moment. I will talk to them like a fellow GP If I'm feeling good. I have never seen the GP about anything mental health related because I have mainly always kept myself to myself. I believe to everyone else I live the life of a normal person with sometimes chaotic moments and that's a running joke with my friends and colleagues. My dark times, although intense, are fleeting, so much so that no one would ever notice. I don't reach out and I 'manage'.

OP posts:
noego · 08/03/2019 07:33

So you are aware of all these moments?

And in your experience they come and go, so just let them come and go.
Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non peace...............it translates into peace.
Anything you fully accept will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.
It is counter intuitive to accept because the mind wants to do battle with the mind and that creates conflict.
It is the conflict that creates the anguish, but from a place of serenity it can be observed.
The mind is a bully. Watch it. Don't fight it. Ignore it.

Original poster
aintnoregular1 · 10/03/2019 14:33

I'm feeling really not good today!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/03/2019 16:56

If you’re not managing then you must speak to your GP. Lots of things can help but you won’t be able to access any of them if you don’t ask.

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/03/2019 17:00

What age did this start, OP?

Original poster
aintnoregular1 · 10/03/2019 17:17

I has mainly started in the last couple of months. I have had periods where I have felt low since I was a teenager but haven't we all

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 10/03/2019 17:49

Go to the doctor as soon as possible. If there really isn’t any external trigger or life event to make sense of this I think the potential physical causes should be ruled out.

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/03/2019 17:49

Don’t mean to scare you! Just mean it could be thyroid or imbalances of some kind.

Wolfiefan · 10/03/2019 17:52

Depends. People do sometimes feel sad or upset. But periods of actual depression all through your life? Not sure most people do.

Original poster
aintnoregular1 · 10/03/2019 19:30

I have had times where I have felt in a very bad way. I don't know much about depression so don't know if I can give those times that label. What is the GP most likely to do?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/03/2019 21:35

Depends. I had CBT and do take medication. They can do all kinds of things. Ours offers a reading list at the library, work book or individual CBT, some kind of computer based course. Even gardening on prescription!!
It all depends on what exactly is going on. If I’m completely honest I’ve probably had anxiety and depression in some form or another for most of my life. Finally I have found what works for me. I can’t even begin to explain how good that is.
The first step is to speak to a GP. They can help. I wish I had done it 20 years sooner.

Original poster
aintnoregular1 · 11/03/2019 00:10

That's good to know. I will see a gp

What could be the explanation as to why I feel so good, almost untouchable and then not good so quickly

OP posts:
Original poster
aintnoregular1 · 11/03/2019 17:36

Is this bipolar depression or my personality

I will go to the drs although I know the pressures that there are and I am concerned I will be giving a prescription of something and sent on my way, leaving me with no real answers. I have never taken any medication. I don't even take paracetamol

I am going bonkers

OP posts:
Girlwhowearsglasses · 11/03/2019 17:49

OP the easiest thing will be to take your original post to the GP and show them. This will start the ball rolling. I think if they see what you wrote they will have a protocol of questions to follow - usually with a questionnaire to fill in about ‘how you’re feeling today’ (these take a couple of minutes and help a GP or therapist to gauge where you are at that moment and if you need help. This will be multiple choice so you won’t have to verbalise or ‘say’ anything scary to get your feelings across.

If you’d broken your leg and you couldn’t walk you’d go, right ? Well this is exactly the same.

If you’re 25 you’ve probably not had much of a reason to frequent the GP for anything much - but remember we all pay for our NHS and it’s there for us to use. You arent wasting their time.

Please go!

StormTreader · 11/03/2019 17:59

It really sounds like you could be manic-depressive - everyone does have "good days" and "bad days" but cycling through euphoria and despair multiple times in a day for no real reason definitely isn't normal.

I think the key to the difference between "is it just my personality or do I need to see the GP" is "is it disrupting your life to the extent that its a problem? Do you feel like it's making you suffer in your life? Do you feel like you're not in control of your own life and that your cycling moods are actually in control of you?"
It sounds like from what you've said here that the answer is a loud YES.