MN please dont let me down, I really need you

[naswm]

I am shaking so much I can hardly type

dh started treatment today and is suffering horrendous side effects. It is horrible to watch. It brings back so much torment.

I want to get in the car and drive far far away from here and take all my pills.

I love him so dearly - but I cant watch him like this. I am trapped in this life. My DSs are asleep upstairs. I love them so much too. They need me. My dh needs me. But I cant cope with them.

How am I goin to get through this?

I badly need a drink but am even frightened to do that.

bree is LGJ, naswm.

It sounds very hard for you right now, and I am not sure I can be of much help to you, but I couldn't ignore your thread.

Deep breaths - you can do this naswm, although I know it must feel unbearably hard for you right now.

Look after yourself.x

I wnat to get in my car and drive and drive and drive until I dont knwo where I am, and then sleep and never weake up

That feeling is understandable.

I saw your other thread - you have so much on your plate right now. It's hard but you can be strong.

Yes it is....nas petal - did the intense course get sorted???

no declined

Will your other therapy continue - you sounded positive about it on the other thead, finding a peaceful, trance like, state. Does that help?

By the way - I'm sorry if I am saying all the wrong things naswm. I just felt really drawn to trying to be helpful here.

no bad this week
last one next week
noting left to do
washed hands off me
I hate this

i can only guess at some of how you are feeling, as you know our situations are a bit similar, i posted a thread yesterday about how crap i felt, but today i feel more positive

mega dont say that - nothing you said is bad

{{{nmega]]]

It will get better though - you were dreading today and you're now slap bang in the middle of it all. Will dh's sickness last long or is at it's worst for the next few hours? It will pass, you can get through it - you will feel better - be strong my love.

Is there anything practical that anyone here can do to help, naswm?

Are any mumsnetters living nearby?

That's what I wondered naswm? Where are you? I hate the thought of you sitting there on your own and scared.

naswm - are you ok?

its not sickness. Cant into it all now, too upsetting. He went into acute reaction - boday shut down to try to cope with poison. Vioolent shaking, bit tongue, coudnt bear any weight, or speak. Thought he woas going to fit

naswn lives in London - that's all I know

I need a cuddle

oh nas

Oh dear - ok - sounds horrific for you all. I am so shocked that you are expected to cope with all of this on your own. I feel really helpless.

I assume he is in hospital?

How awful, naswm. It must be so hard for you.

No mercy - I believe he is at home with naswm - she had to check on him

no he is home - upstairs in our bed. with DSs in rooms either side. I am hiding downstais

Am breaking my rule to give naswm a big virtual cuddle [hug]

Of course you are scared. Do you have any support - professional or friends/family?