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Mental health

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Original poster

Letting someone go...

27 replies

Ella1980 · 02/12/2018 22:47

I feel a lot of the time like I don't want to go on with living. I don't want to be talked out of it, nothing anybody can say will make things better. And I don't understand that if that's what I really want, just to not have to face living, why people wouldn't be accepting of this? I hate it when people say that others would be upset. Why if it's something you want? Why can't they just let me go?

OP posts:

FissionChips · 02/12/2018 22:50

It’s hurts others because they can see the value in you, they care about you even if you don’t care about yourself.

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 22:52

MN will likely delete this.
If it’s what you want it’s only because it’s how the illness makes you feel. No mentally well person would want to leave their life/family/friends.
Have you sought RL help?

Original poster

Ella1980 · 02/12/2018 22:55

I'm having counselling but they are not going to wave a magic wand and make everything better. I cannot stand myself, I think that's the problem mainly.

OP posts:

FissionChips · 02/12/2018 22:55

Have you tried medication?

Original poster

Ella1980 · 02/12/2018 22:58

I have considered it but to me it just masks the problems in my life, it's not going to take them away. Thank you for being there x

OP posts:

Mrsjohnmurphy · 02/12/2018 22:59

I understand, I hate that people say that suicide is selfish, it's so not, it's just pure desperation. I get it, but it is a momentary thing, there are times where I have tested methods, and maybe one more thing would have pushed me over.

These things usually resolve though.

Please just keep on keeping on, take things minute to minute.

Don't try and justify, just breathe.

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 23:00

I have anxiety and depression. I need medication to help me do what I have to do in order to feel better.
You wouldn’t leave a physical illness untreated.
Please seek RL help. ASAP.

Original poster

Ella1980 · 02/12/2018 23:02

Thank you. This year has just been another horrific year for me-mum diagnosed with cancer and currently suspended from work (absolutely unreasonably). I'd resigned from job but now new employment may not be able to take me as suspension not addressed yet. Just feel like the world hates me.

OP posts:

FissionChips · 02/12/2018 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mrsjohnmurphy · 02/12/2018 23:06

People say "get help" medication that does nothing except numb you, talking to people paid by the hour to misunderstand you and offer only placating bollocks as help, I get.

If your life is shite, none of this helps. I wish I had the answers.

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 23:07

My medication doesn’t take away stressed and things that are difficult. But it helps me face them.
And it’s not the only tool. A GP can advise you. Mindfulness, medication, exercise, CBT?

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 23:08

X post. My medication doesn’t numb me. I’m me but calmer, less likely to panic and happier too.

Mrsjohnmurphy · 02/12/2018 23:09

That's good wolfiefan, which one do you take?

Original poster

Ella1980 · 02/12/2018 23:10

The weird thing is, I'm not sure I want to feel better if that makes any sense? It's like I can't be bothered to fight with all of the traumas any more.

OP posts:

Mrsjohnmurphy · 02/12/2018 23:14

Same here, I have zero hope and have just given up. I survive but don't live

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 23:17

I’m on Prozac but actually due to swap. Eek!!
It’s been brilliant.
I love my kids and my husband. On my very darkest day I know it’s temporary. I couldn’t leave them. But I do need help and support to climb out of the deep dark hole.
I found the depression made me feel like I couldn’t/wouldn’t/it wasn’t worth getting “better”
I won’t let the illness win.

Original poster

Ella1980 · 02/12/2018 23:18

That's exactly what it feels like for me-just getting by bit knowing that things are going to ultimately be ridiculously difficult x

OP posts:

Original poster

Ella1980 · 02/12/2018 23:20

I only have my kids for half of the time (not my choice, I left my abusive ex) so they'd be OK if they weren't with me. I don't feel like their mother any more anyway tbh x

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 23:24

It’s the illness that makes you feel like that. They may not be physically with you all the time but they would certainly miss you dreadfully if you could never be there again.
Please seek RL help. ASAP.

FissionChips · 02/12/2018 23:25

Your children would not be ok, your death would affect them greatly and most likely lead to them developing their own mental health problems. That’s just how it is.

Just getting by and surviving for now is an achievement. You really should contact your gp to discuss getitng further help.

LEMtheoriginal · 02/12/2018 23:31

It sounds like a horrendous time for you OP. No wonder you are struggling. Are you on any medication? It might help.

It sounds like things are shit just now and you have some tough times ahead but you'll get through it and you will find happiness again. I cant guarantee that of course but its highly likely. But if you kill yourself - thats it. No going back and you will fuck your children's lives up forever.

Original poster

Ella1980 · 02/12/2018 23:32

My youngest would, but my eldest wouldn't so much as his dad had spent years poisoning him against me. Just as an example, he told my son I was being disrespectful to him (my ex) when I got engaged. He told my son he did not wish for him to attend the wedding because again, that would be disrespecting his dad.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 02/12/2018 23:34

That’s not about you and how your child feels about you.
You must seek RL help.

FissionChips · 02/12/2018 23:36

Look, you are not thinking straight, at all.

Phone the docs in the morning and get help.

Justaboy · 02/12/2018 23:38

Met up with a friend of mine the other week have'nt seen her for around 2 years or so, was very supprised to hear that a few of lifes problems had piled up on her and that she in fact become very depressed. Fortunatly she was almost made to seek help wihich she did , shes been on somethimng don't ask me the name, but shes now very much better almost her old self again!.

She said that she didn't realise just how bad a state she was in and found it difficult to belive she could ever get out of the depressed state but FWIW, she has:)

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