I didn’t go to A&E...
I thought I was immintently at risk of dying 
, it’s a horrible horrible feeling .
The only trigger was walking down the stairs and crossing the street. We had to use an open stairwell which is 8 floors high , as lift wasn’t working , it knocked my balance and I started to wobble and then thought I was dying . I don’t know how to explain that without sounding crazy . By the time I made it to pharmacy I thought I was going to pass out . Its like my world of safety is getting smaller and smaller every day. The safest place of all is locked in my bedroom but I can’t stay there . Everywhere else , is a challenge beyond belief .
GP is remarkably unconcerned - just nods at her computer screen then hands me a script for more Prozac. I do have a crisis team but was told they’re only there for suicidal thoughts or hallucinations , psychosis etc , which thankfully I don’t experience. I’m not suicidal either .
Haven’t harmed myself seriously but have three big friction burns to my arm and elbow so that’s not good . Have ordered dressings and stuff from Tesco to try sort that out . I can’t harm myself seriously , don’t have the nerve to do it .
I’ve been this way for ten years now though , my mother is the same , has had ECT and all sorts ... my father too is terrified of crowds, father’s mother took her own life twenty years ago due to bipolar ... you wonder if it’s genetic .
I’m on a list for high intensity CBT but been warned it’s a long list . I’ve had CBT twice before , once for two years due to childhood abuse .. it helps at the time but it’s hard to ‘generalise’ it and apply it to new situations if that makes sense .