Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi #3

[Fairydust26]

Can you believe the last threads full up?! We had a great support network going on the previous two so come and say a big hello and join us.

I don't think I can find a more accurate description of how I've been today 😂

In a nutshell

That's brill Bippity. I've watched it a few times now. Just catching up on posts as I posted quickly at work.
Hope you are starting to feel better now. I am finding bus drivers very contrary recently. They'd nearly tell you to f off.

The guy I work with today had a strop in work. He is the bosses son so he ended up calling his mother saying he'd had enough and was going home.
I know the children were being rude and cheeky but I'd left him on his own with them while I did the cleaning. I started to get a bit paranoid wondering if I took too long cleaning, was he angry at me and not the children.
It made me feel awkward as I don't like the tone he took with the children.
I told his mother/the boss that I felt uncomfortable and imagine how the children felt.
I probably won't sleep tonight as I'll be over thinking it.

I'm ok now, though my DP says I have a motor mouth 😂 I don't, I'm just trying to get all my thoughts out and if I say them out loud it makes clearer for me. I couldn't stop cheesing on the bus when I was away to pick my DS up, no idea why. I have my appointment with the therapist tomorrow so I'm starting to worry about that, as I know my thoughts are racing, but I can't help it. It's just what happens sometimes and I can't control it.

In work the other day and all I had in my head was 'Polly put the kettle on' why? Why are you in my head!

I don't know if this is just regular happy or something else. As I had been low for slow long (a good 8 months) it was bad, almost had to stay in hospital. Now it's gone the other way. I haven't done anything stupid or been reckless or anything like that. I do get a bit agitated as I feel that everyone is speaking, walking, talking slow and I feel that I can finish their sentences before they've finished.

Just seeing that written down makes me look insane. I'm really not. I'm fully aware of everything around me. Music as well, slower songs sound A LOT slower than when I heard it before, and I think that's weird, why is it so slow!

I think I'm going to stop taking sertraline. It's definitely that. I stopped taking citalopram years ago for the exact reason. Long story short, high, crashed, gp, antidepressants, high. Came off them. It was all a bit of a blur to be honest at that time. Actually this whole week has been a bit of a blur too!

That does sound strange bippity. Although I do get baby shark stuck in my head from to time or the irish version of George Ezra's shot gun.
It's strange that your GP didn't say anything about it. I'd be looking for another one.
There are 2 GPS in the clinic I go to and I refuse to go to one of them as I (and many others) feel that she doesn't listen.
When I went in about my anixety I made sure to request the male GP as he's better and always makes me feel at ease.

I found it strange too, given my family history 🤷‍♀️ just didn't seem bothered at all, especially when I said I started hallucinating. Ok then. I have CBT tomorrow so I'll mention it then, but I'm not really holding out much hope for that either. I remember a couple of weeks ago, she asked if I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I said no. And then last week she said that my DP should take my debit card, I said no, I'm not going to do that. And surely they can't diagnose anyway, just messing my head up even more.

I've been a bit busy the past few weeks ok, I get that, and as a result I've survived in very little sleep. But that's not through choice, it's because I've had to. And at night when I should be tired (even though I'm tired in the morning) I think right I'll go to bed super early, I don't, my brain just goes ping! As soon as night time comes round and the cycle continues.

Is anyone else feeling drained this week? Sort of feel like everything takes too much energy to do. Expect boot camp. I push myself to go to that. (So I can eat chocolate)

I don't have that problem at bed time bippity. I am so tired I fall asleep usually without too much difficulty. My problem is it'll happen at 3am, or 4 or 5 I'll suddenly be wide awake.

I feel like I'm losing control: I feel like when I go tomorrow to say please help me, because I don't know what's going on. No one is helping me. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I actually haven't been able to cry, I had one melt down at work about a month ago and I just burst into tears. It was a relief, but at the same time (and this is my impulsiveness coming into my play again) I was so close to just grabbing my bag and leaving, with a massive middle finger, fuck all of you. Thankfully I didn't, or I would have made everything so much worse. But since then, its more anger and I just want to scream into a pillow.

And I'm hearing stuff again, I keep thinking I can hear my DC crying, he's not , he's in bed fast asleep, even though I have head phones in.

Best of luck today Bippity. Hope you get answers today. Tell them everything you told us.

Well it went well. I have to see the psychiatrist again as she said I was far too restless and hyper. I honestly think it's the tablets they've given me. But yep, looks like I'm being diagnosed as having bipolar disorder

I think it's the tablets though. I've had highs and lows throughout my life, but this is the worst it's ever been. I'm not being reckless or anything like that. Well I bought an Alice in wonderland China mug today, but it was so pretty! And a cat in the hat stuffed toy haha because I liked that as well. And I never treat myself, so thought fuck it.

Maybe you're just not on the right meds to manage your condition. I don't know I'm new to all although when I read other threads on this forum I think "yep that was me 10 years ago" or "I felt like to that when DS was born" I thought it was all normal.

I've never really thought I had normal moods. I do have some awareness when something isn't quite right. I've thought that all my life, why can't I be like everyone else, just chill and relaxed and not going through the roof and destroying my life. It horrible.

BippityBoppity87 glad your eventually going to get some answers, being on the wrong meds would make sense as sertaline isn’t supposed to be used in treating bipolar(don’t quote me on that though have read it somewhere!) hopefully you get some answers soon and the best form of treatment for you.

All it's done is make everything worse. This is exactly what happened when I was on citalopram, and I said this happened the last time and I didn't want to be on it. But it was either that or feel miserable.

I don't know. Is it quite a common side effect? I thought it was.

I'm bobbing around all over the place, just sitting int he parenting room waiting to pick my DC upon my own, and I feel like bouncing off the walls!

I actually feel like I've taken speed or something.

Oh Bippity I don't have bipolar but I absolutely have that feeling like I'm on speed, my diagnosis is PTSD so I don't know if I'm on the right thread.

I sometimes wonder whether people who don't experience it must imagine that the speeding feeling would be a good thing but in reality it's terrifying, isn't it?
Also, I recognise the looking like I'm coping then having a tearful meltdown at work. Unlike you I really did resign from my job recently after a tearful day! I'm a contractor so I've got work when I've finished this one.

I'm glad you've got another psychiatrists appointment. If the appointment itself increases your anxiety can you write down some of your thoughts before you go so you show a clear representation of your symptoms?

lancashire and fairy I get nausea, sickness and diarrhoea with my anxiety. It's common but can be debilitating. You have my full sympathy. If it's really bad keep a symptom diary, your GP can prescribe for it.

GalwayGirl I hope your ear has improved now but if not I think you might need more antibiotics? It's nearly a week since you posted but I do think you need to go back to your GP if you haven't already.

PTSD is a funny thing, I don't have good days by which I mean I never have days without having PTSD attacks. So I only have bad days or worse days.
Mental health services don't seem to know what to do with me, in the words of the song the drugs don't work and as I'm not ex service personnel there is no support. NHS counselling services won't touch me because I'm too extreme, I've been waiting to see a psychologist for 18 months.

So here I am, in a suspended state. Some nights the PTSD nightmares are so bad I get 2 or 3 hours sleep at most. I'll go for days like that until I get to a point of exhaustion where I sleep for 12 hours straight.

Sorry for the moan.

My sleep is all over the place too. I can go for days on very little sleep and then I'll crash and burn and sleep for 12 hours. Next time I'e been told that I'll need to fill out a mood questionnaire as at the moment I had only been feeling out the depression one.

Started off at 28/30, then it dropped to 26/30, then 0/30 and then yesterday I think it was something like 6/30 so very much all over the place!

Meandbobbymcgee. Terrible that you have to wait 18 months to get help. It just baffles me. You need help, you're struggling but you have to wait.

Bippity hope you're feeling better today.
I just had to hand over E60 I don't have for a new car tyre. I went in to get a slow puncture fixed to be told my tyre is dangerous. Well and truly cured me from my black Friday shopping.

Got a PB in my park run this morning. I think their clock is broken. Stayed with a friend last night we stayed up till near 2am watching films and drinking gin.
Wrecked now but waiting for the Ireland Rugby game.

I'm feeling better still a bit hyper. But I work in a bar, so I can et away with it haha. I just come across more bubbly and energetic, so it goes fairly unnoticed. And I'll chat to anyone.

If I was in an office, I think it would be a different sorry!

How's your knee this weather? I'm fading now. Feel like I could just go to bed.
Trying to arrange another date with my guy but seriously finding time is hard. I'm busier now than I ever was and when I'm free he's not.
Come on Ireland.