What helps you when you want to be dead?

[onlyoranges]

When you want it over. To not be here anymore. How do you shift your mindset. What do you do. I’m talking about self help techniques not counsellors or services. Thanks

I think of my kids and my pets that need me to be here. Have often not wanted to be here but I couldn't do that to them. Also living in constant hope that tomorrow will be better. Trying to do small things each day that make me feel better, reading a book, going for a walk, yoga class, etc x

I'm trying to think but I'm not sure that there are any self help tips for getting out of that dark pit.
Self help and self care like meditation, long walks, baths, mindfulness, spending lots of time in nature, to me are "top ups". They maintain good mental health. They don't fix things.
If you feel like that the only advise I could give would be to seek professional help and be in for a long slog of a road to getting back.
You're valid, you matter, and you deserve to not feel like that. I hope you get the help you need x

You need to find out what is causing these feelings, first and foremost.

I came on to start a similar thread. Wishing I was no longer alive consumes my waking moments. I go through the motions with work and family but I just want to be able to flick a switch and turn life off. I have to keep going for my family but every day feels like torture. I was a little better over the summer but returning to work seems to have triggered yet another bad episode. I too would also welcome any advice. Desperate.

Go see your GP asap.I feel the same and have done for a long time. Didn't think I'd make it to 40, now mid 50s and because I never got it properly sorted out,of coursework it's all come clashing down. Have made a few suicide attempts but haven't got the guts to walk off a tall building. Anyway, I went to see my GP this week and they referred me to the crisis team, who have given me details of services and places you can go to talk to people in the same boat. I'm going to my first one this evening. If I had the money I'd go to dignitas. Good luck.

Thanks everyone. I’ve seen my GP lots of times, crisis team, support groups etc. Had counselling off and on for 30 years but I still get these feelings sometimes fleeting sometimes for weeks. I just wondered if people had strategies they use. I’m done with ‘services’ I think I’m some cases they have made my issues worst rather than helping as retelling my story over and over and over has disconnected any emotion from it. So, for the people who live with this I just wondered if you’d found anything that helped.

Getting out of the house helps me, even just for a walk or bike ride. I think its the fresh air and change of scene.
Have you got a bike OP? if you haven't then I'd advise you to get one.

Hi Op. I know it’s hard to really concentrate on other things and thoughts when these thoughts are in your head. But I always try to put some music I like on and try and distract myself. I’ve also started reading more and using colouring books. just little things but I find I get very absorbed in these activities that I don’t think of much else.

It took me ages to figure out what worked for me, and now I have a few things that do help. One thing I have observed from talking to other people who experience these types of thoughts and feelings is that what works for one person might not work for another person which for me had the effect of making some other people's suggestions seem maddening! For me, I have a series of things that do help and I tend to work through them one by one until I hit the one that helps that day or that time. I am happy to share what works for me, but it might not help you. (There was a thread once where lots of people shared their ideas, which I found really helpful at getting new suggestions.)

A big swig of night nurse or some other knockout medicine to sleep through the misery. There's usually a distraction when I wake up. Not often a good one but something to tide me over until the next time.

My dog helped me immeasurably. Although I'm sure that wouldn't work for everyone. Good luck in finding something that works for you. Please don't give up x

I try and sleep in the hope that things won't be quite as bleak when I wake up. And I think about my dd and how it would change her life. Hth

How are you doing OP ?

Hi onlyoranges,

When threads like yours are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well (although we do know how exasperating that can be!)

Sorry for hijacking your thread onlyoranges , and we really hope things look brighter for you soon.

Cittigirl you are right. The one and only reason I haven’t done it is my dcs.

wolfywolfy thanks for checking in on me.

MN I have had 20 years counselling off and on. Believe me I’ve tried getting support. I just think for whatever reasons for some people, like those kind enough to post on here getting through life is tough. People talk like counselling is some magic cure but it isn’t always which is why I was asking for support from people who live with these feelings. Thanks for the links.

Sleep, and rest in general.

Getting out of the house and doing some exercise. Personally, I find swimming is mood-lifting.

Watch/read a really involving book, film or documentary - take your mind off it, in other words.

Do something creative, like painting or crafting something beautiful.

Imagine how you would feel is something really and truly fabulous happened - if one of your dreams suddenly came true. If the idea of it lifts your spirits, even a little, it shows that there is still the possibility that you can care about something in the future.

Imagine how much pain and trauma you would cause for those left behind.

Good luck, OP

I have a very simple reality check. If I feel suicidal I ask myself would I kill myself if I would feel better. The answer has always been No. I have always felt better be that with help if medicines or just time.

... oh yes, and the thing I've discovered, too late in life, is that so much of how we feel emotionally is actually down to the comfort of the physical body. This is why rest and exercise and so important, but other things matter too, even the level of comfort of your living conditions, etc. So my top tip is to be physically comfortable, as far as possible.

For me, it was the right combination of meds. It's like a miracle, honestly. I used to spend so much time crying and wishing I was dead, ever since I was around 17. And then with the right meds, suddenly it stopped and doesn't happen anymore. I actually love my life now.

Reminding myself that whatever it is I'm feeling won't last forever.

I tried and very nearly succeeded, so I can look back on that and think actually things did (eventually) get better.

i work out, it literally gives me an amazing high, the indestructible kind- crossfit has improved my mental health far more than anything else.

getting outside in nature, going for bike rides and walks.

tidy a room in your house and even do a bit of diy- start a mini project, like up cycling, focus on something else

breathe deep and when ever the feeling gets too much call a friend and literary talk it through

Have anyone else's problems been caused by family dysfunction, abuse etc?

Well, I am a statistician, and I know that it is hard to know what causes what at the individual level. But in my case I think family dysfunction, abuse and neglect were contributing factors. Is this something that you want to talk about?

@erinaceus - yes, if you want to. Can't talk right now but I could message you. Unless you're happy to talk on the forum. thanks.

Have a read of 'The Power of Now' by Eckart Tolle.

He found the answer to your question.