What helps you when you want to be dead?

[onlyoranges]

When you want it over. To not be here anymore. How do you shift your mindset. What do you do. I’m talking about self help techniques not counsellors or services. Thanks

I try to get thru the next five minutes, sometimes it's even just 1 minute, then another, and another.

That page of questions and actions printed out and laminated and even if it takes me all day and then repeat the next day, for therapy options I have Samaritans,

My other therapy options are the regional counselling service,
local suicide charity,

friends and family who have seen me struggle and are supportive,
CPN
GP - all 4 are well clued up on MH

escalated up as needed to crisis team/liaison psychiatry / a&e attendance cos cant keep safe,

card before you leave scheme - info for those who aren't aware

The ‘Card Before You Leave’ scheme is intended to ensure that any patient with mental health issues who is considered safe enough to go home, is given a written appointment for a full psychiatric assessment within 24 hours. The ‘Card Before You Leave’ system aims to ensure people remain tied into services when they are particularly at risk.

home treatment team, (this can be for up to 6 weeks to try and avoid hospital)

hospital admission,

There are so many ideas thanks so much. It’s good to feel it’s not just me. I have never told friends I feel suicidal nor that I have tried twice before I had my dcs. It’s good to not feel so alone. Thank you for your kind words.

WRAP plan (mentalhealthrecovery.com/wrap-is/)

Care plan and crisis plan

Apart from all that I can link in with the MH charities in my area if needed.

I have a care package due to my physical health but as soon as my MH starts to decline, it is flagged up to the managers who liaise with SW (who is also an approved SW) and we have put provisions into place for these times

Its still hard all of that but I am trusting my "well" mind over my "ill and completely irrational" one. It wants to destroy me at times.

@onlyoranges handhold from me,

I had full-time suidical thoughts for over 2 years, I spent most of it in hospital and a lot of it on observation to protect me from my biggest enemy - myself

It's absolutely horrible.

@onlyoranges Jeepers no you're not alone. One thing that helps me is having a strong network of people to whom I can say that I'm struggling, I can literally tell them I am feeling suicidal and we can make a plan from there.

I can share some more suggestions if that would help?

On the forums I don't talk about my situation (unless I want to, and I don't right now) but I can listen.

Another pointer is have you ever come across the MN Stately Homes thread?

Op for me it's exercise - it's odd but intense exercise to point of being very out of breath / tierd helps me deal with my head as I can't think crazy thoughts through it.
I'm struggling with my newborn and pnd as I can't use this coping technique due to birth injuries etc.
I've found forcing myself to do something. Posative every day eg a walk, going to shop, library for a book I'll like etc is helping . Some people do posative jars, not for me, where when they are not feeling low they wrote down things they are posative about and put them in a jar and then when low they can read them back to remind themselves of the good in their lives.

I hope your okay x

Cbt helps to challenge your possibly unhealthy core beliefs and help your brain switch off from obsessive thoughts.
I cannot stress the importance of the right antidepressants.
I also got to the point where I didn't want to talk about the past anymore.

if the thoughts are really strong, then jusr thinking about how I get through the next 30 minutes. Then repeat.
Asking for help - my mum, husband or best friend stayed with me at all times for a few weeks.
Knowing I have had the feelings before and they have passed and I am glad I didn't act on them.
Thinking about the DC.
Eventually finding the right combo of meds.

You are not alone.

I have had periods where I could not imagine any circumstance in which I could feel happy. I remember telling the Crisis team that I wished they were Dignitas. At the time it wouldn't have mattered if someone gave me a million pounds and I could go anywhere in the world and have anything - I just felt nothing but a dark feeling of panic and wanted to escape by ending it all. I said I could tolerate it for a period but living like this wasn't an option. All the while holding my beautiful 6 month daughter...

I remember really holding onto the idea that the feelings were temporary but a decision to end it was permanent. Also the Psychiatrist on the Crisis Team was very positive and he just kept saying 'we will get you better', the fact he so much confidence made me feel like it was possible.

I don't know if that helps. I hope you can find some help that works for you.

Everyone is being so supportive and it means so much thank you. Thank you! erinaceus yes please share if you can.

• Drawing and art making. I have lovely art materials of many kinds.
• camomile tea
• coffee. A strong coffee stops the suicidal though abruptly sometimes. (No, I don't understand this one either, also, use in moderation to avoid insomnia.)
• Samaritans
• TV quiz shows, back-to-back episodes of
• Sitcoms, back-to-back episodes of
• iPhone games and browser-based games
• Staying in bed a lot
• having a shower
• going outside for a moment.
• Read MN classics
• puzzles like sudoku

Those are the in-the-moment things that get me through minute by minute.

The longer term things are ordinary and boring: eat and sleep and exercise and rest and have human contact and have peace and quiet all in a balance. Have meaningful work and hobbies. Have friends (family more of a mixed bag in my case). Put things in the calendar to look forward to. There is no way I could have done any of these longer term things whilst I was in the moment-to-moment crisis bit and for me the moment-to-moment crisis bit literally lasted for months at some points.

There are loads of ideas which I either tried and didn't like or just thought were so off-the-wall I never tried them. A few that spring to mind are

• have a bath
• get a manicure
• get a massage
• play with a pet
• knit

There are more which I might remember in a bit.

I've had lifelong mental health problems caused by pretty comprehensive childhood emotional abuse - panic attacks, severe anxiety and social anxiety, ptsd, was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression in my late 30s and this was before I started having suicidal thoughts. I've now made three attempts on my life (my family only know about the one two years ago) am in my 50s and have spent most of my life alone, having never been able to form long-term relationships. The longest lasted two years. I'm now in crisis again (I was on the point of turning up at A&E last week and probably will at some point) and need to be with people. My only sibling's (we've never been close) response to the suicide attempt was to effectively turn her back, her response to this latest crisis is that 'lots of people are on their own'. And no one else in the family seems to think there is anything wrong with this. She's now married with children but until she met her husband 20 years ago was an unstable, emotional wreck and would be dead or in prison if she'd had to live her life alone. Anyway, it's too late for me, I just want to go.

That's okay. It really is. How you feel is valid. It's shit to struggle like this. Some people struggle like this. I ask sometimes "why me?". Everyone has their struggles, and this is mine.

Do you have peer support? For me this is one of the single most valuable things. I need to be able to say "Help! I have fallen into the pit of loneliness and despair!" to people who understand and not be met with patronising responses. I find MH services patronising a lot of the time, and have met a few clinicans who are exceptions to this and whom a value hugely. (None of those work for the Crisis Team.)

I don't mean, it's okay, as in a breeezy "no worries!".

I mean, it's valid and understandable and you have articulated how you feel clearly.

@erinaceus "Do you have peer support?"

No, that's the thing, I've moved around a lot (trying to escape this shit but obviously making it worse) and now find myself more or less totally isolated. Went to stay with a friend for a while after the suicide attempt and she was helpful up to a point but didn't really want to talk about it. I've been to a crisis centre a couple of evenings this week but don't want to keep going there.

"Help! I have fallen into the pit of loneliness and despair!"

My sister knows this about me but seems able to live with it.

Okay.

How are you with online support?

I'm fortunate to live in a big city where there are loads of fellow mentals my age and demographic. There are loads of people so there are loads of everything.

@erinaceus I live in a big city too (I'm well past the going out drinking phase though), probably should move to a village at this stage and take my chances there.

Finding this support forum helpful anyway, glad I found it.

Thinking about you OP

Please try to stay strong. Ending everything like that that is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Sending hugs xXx

Do you have any pets OP?

If not have you considered getting one?
Cats are pretty much self dependent & are lovely little friends at times when you are feeling lonely & down.

setagorrah I’m sorry your life has worked out like it has. It all seems so unfair doesn’t it some people seem to sail through life with bad stuff hardly touching their lives whilst others seem to be drowning in it. I know that feeling just wanting to go, for it it be over where there is nothing because nothing means no pain and as I posted asking for support what do I have nothing to offer other than someone to say I get what you are saying and life is really really shit sometimes but look at all the other people on here who feel the same. The bravery and courage on this thread is humbling. You are not alone we are standing together as people who have endured terrible events and times but still carry on. I really wish I could be of more help

erinacecus I try to find support networks, I’ve joined groups etc but it hasn’t really worked and being involved in services has sometimes over the years done more harm than good really so I decided to disengage with them and it’s made no difference either way. I agree with you about other people being a great source of support definitely it’s just finding them! Which is why I reached out to the MN community. I really didn’t think I’d get so many people knowing how it feels and taking the time to reach out.

MN is one place. There is a great crowd on Twitter if you stick to the cat photos bit and avoid the debates with MH professionals who are also on Twitter.

I think it was ultimately not inflicting suicide on my DC was the only thing that actually stopped me.

I think my life is better and those feelings rarer and less intense because I've become more selfish and also I've accepted no one else really does care about me. I have my DC and that's it, friends will come and go so I don't invest too much in them.

Working full time helps but only in a job where I'm happy enough.

Distracting myself with DVDs etc when the feelings are strong so I'm not dwelling on them.