Anxiety related procrastination ruining my life

[SilverHairedCat]

I'm a highly accomplished procrastinator. Never do now what you can put off until tomorrow. It's anxiety and performance related - total fear of failure and imposter syndrome (IYSWIM).

Its biting me on the arse at work, where my depression and anxiety has been steadily affecting my productivity over the last 10 months and is getting to the point where I'm on the cusp of being put on performance plans. Not a shock really.

Has anyone overcome this? How did you do it? Any practical advice?

To do lists make me worse - I re-organise them and re-prioritise them multiple times a week.
Journals look pretty, achieve nothing.
Speadsheets are my absolute love. Great for faffing with for hours.
I can stare at the same screen for hours and make no progress.

I'm getting out of all this at the moment. Am 21 weeks pregnant and am really ill with what appears to be pneumonia - at the moment we're (we as in me, husband and doctors) hoping to keep it under control enough not to be hospitalised but not sure I'll get away with that! Anyway, it absolves me of having to do anything at all, so I currently have a really good excuse for being shit. The lengths I'll go to to get away with my bad attitude are incredible!

Morning all. I thought I'd cracked it and was on the mend then had a huge bout of intrusive thoughts last thoughts (mostly about death in various grisly ways) as I was going to sleep last night. Had a panic attack, kept DH awake for ages even though he's not well and needed to be up early this morning, cried myself to sleep eventually, had a very disturbed night of awful sleep and bad dreams where I spent most of the night fighting. I feel sick to the pit of my stomach and I'm working from home today for various reasons and can't afford a day of procrastination.

FFS.

How's everyone else doing?

How's the health and the pregnancy @SharpLily? I missed your last post.

Feel for you. Not much advice but similar problems so will look for some...

I am the Patron Saint of Procrastination. It is fuelled by or the cause of anxiety and depression. Like SharpLily it has ruined my life and I am currently not working as I am both physically and mentally ill with stress.

But I won't give up.

I've just started reading Sane New World - Taming the Mind by Ruby Wax. It's the first book (and I've read many a dozen) which is helping me understand how my brain sabotages me repeatedly. There is hope for change through neuroplasticity. Ruby explains it well and her book very funny.

I've just found this thread to OP and all who've contributed.

I'm getting better, thanks @SilverHairedCat. Feel pretty shit still but the pneumonia is under control and I'm on the mend. Now I'm just anxious because at some point soon I'll be expected to get around and do things again :D. Not funny really but I'm feeling pretty cheerful, even though I've found excuses not to meet up with a good friend today, something I know I would have enjoyed but couldn't face getting myself out and about.

I'm interested in some of the books people have mentioned. I'm not sure there's any point trying to deal with this while pregnant - I'm particularly hormonal at this stage anyway, but am going to put some things in my Amazon basket for afterwards.

Can I join please? Identify with so.much of what pp have written. I'm currently procrastinating having lunch...ffs. I'm a perfectionist and am self employed but lacking in motivation to do anything today and this is not unusual...

I've had a shitty day of not doing anything at work and feeling low/anxious. And feel so stupid and annoyed at myself for not getting on with things as part of my anxiety is being behind at work!!!

Any support would be lovely

This thread explains so much! I’m glad you got it moved out of chat back then. I need to read those PDF links and have a think about how my procrastination is related to a fear of failure (And how I essentially equate failure with not being ‘brilliant’).

How is everyone getting on? How did the online CBT go @SilverHairedCat? Have things been getting better at work?