Anxiety related procrastination ruining my life

[SilverHairedCat]

I'm a highly accomplished procrastinator. Never do now what you can put off until tomorrow. It's anxiety and performance related - total fear of failure and imposter syndrome (IYSWIM).

Its biting me on the arse at work, where my depression and anxiety has been steadily affecting my productivity over the last 10 months and is getting to the point where I'm on the cusp of being put on performance plans. Not a shock really.

Has anyone overcome this? How did you do it? Any practical advice?

To do lists make me worse - I re-organise them and re-prioritise them multiple times a week.
Journals look pretty, achieve nothing.
Speadsheets are my absolute love. Great for faffing with for hours.
I can stare at the same screen for hours and make no progress.

Thanks Destiny, I'll read it tonight.

I contacted our work employee support service and have already spoken to a counsellor on the phone. Lovely Irish chap. It was essentially a counselling session. He got deeper into the issues in 30mins than the last lass did in 6 hours. I'm to call back on Tuesday for another chat and to work out a way ahead there. I'm also getting a call tomorrow with login details for an online CBT course.

Glad you’ve found some decent support! A good counsellor can make all the difference and some are definitely better than others...

He was very insightful. I didn't think telephone counselling could be effective, it appears I was wrong. I thought it would just be an assessment call, but it was more in depth than that.

I'm really suffering with this at the moment and have dug myself into a few holes. I'm waking up at 2 or 3 am every night with a knot in my stomach. Can't face getting up and doing work to alleviate, so surf for a bit and then fall asleep at 5ish, only to have to wake up at 6.45. It's horrific.
The title and OP of this thread taps into the existing anxiety/knotted stomach/fear I feel and I cant't even read the thread! I am saving it for reading when I can manage it.
Has anyone tried hypnotherapy? I feel like there's some kind of switch inside me that needs flipping. The potential to just get stuff done is there, but I can't access it.
thansk for reading. My shoulders are hunched round my ears whilst typing!

and I am doing stuff at work but micro-procrastinating on here and other sites by just dipping in every time I get a bit stuck on my work

feck

This is me right now. I feel like any time there's not a straightforward way of doing a task I put it off and put it off. My previous jobs were quite process-driven so I found it easy and always achieved highly. My current job is a lot more about building relationships and working on long-term projects so I find myself getting overwhelmed because of all the steps involved...and even determining what those steps should be.

And that's why I'm typing this here rather than work on the stuff I really need to do...

Does anyone also find they're terrible with life admin? I put off filling out forms and doing administrative things all the time. I've had admin things on my to do list for years.

Procrastination was my middle name. I would meet deadlines by coming in and tackling it first thing in the morning. It always surprised me how easy it actually was. Then I would spend the rest of the day wishing I could be like that all the time, while shuffling papers around my desk and answering emails.

This is me to a T. Currently off work with stress which is hugely contributed to by my need to be a perfectionist and if I can’t do something immediately I throw my toys out of the pram and declare myself a failure.

University days were spent cramming essays in to the night before they were due so it’s not a recent thing.

I too have awful anxiety.... about absolutely nothing at all. It’s terrifying.

This is my life. I moved jobs a few times so my procrastination wouldn't be found out. I'm dyslexic so crap at time management and priority setting. But it's the anxiety of things/me not being perfect and feeling like a failure 24/7 which bite me in the ass all of the time. I hate it. My DH doesn't get it, he powers through all his work but I can't do the same!

You lot are my people.

This is me too and it's fair to say it's ruined my life, to the point I don't even work anymore. I have the loveliest husband who has worked so hard to build us a lovely house and has to come home to it looking a mess every day, even though I've had all day to do something about it. Financially we're regularly in a precarious position due to my shit management, something I try not to let him realise. I managed to just about control it for many years (it's not new - I failed my degree by procrastinating most lectures, failing to hand in any work and not even bothering to show up to exams) but it's definitely now controlling me. I'm 20 weeks pregnant and supposed to be taking pre-natal vitamins, obviously, and aspirin for pre-eclampsia, but I'm not because I keep procrastinating picking them up, and even the fact that I'm putting our much wanted unborn child at risk doesn't seem enough to make me do it.

I think post-natal depression with my first child, now about four and a half, was what really made me lose control. I have a (fairly tenuous) grasp on the depression right now but I suppose being able to control that has meant I've had to let go of my management of the procrastination and I don't know where to go from here. I can't get much worse. Sometimes I go for days without even brushing my hair, but the thing is that I'm really good at hiding all this from people. There's nothing medical or in terms of supplements that I can realistically take while pregnant, and to be honest I wouldn't keep to any medication schedule anyway.

Oh and yes, I'm dyspraxic but knowing about it doesn't help me do anything about it. I'm not even in the UK where you can get support for that sort of thing. I'm just a walking disaster and hate myself most of the time. It is good to know others go through the same but to be honest writing it down, facing it and admitting it has left me in tears rather than feeling better.

Sorry for the essay.

In typical style, I have saved the useful looking PDFs provided on this thread with the idea of reading them later. I know it won't happen.

Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that the little things in life matter. If you can't do the little things right, you'll never be able to do the big things right. And if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made, that you made.

@Ringsender2 I used a hypnotherapist, 8 think she can do Skype sessions. m.facebook.com/Verity-Vale-Hypnotherapy-733207743525877/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel but there are lots of them out there. Very relaxing. Unsure about long term strategies, but did help me to sleep!

@SharpLily massive unmumsnetty hugs and lots of for you. How do you feel about talking to your midwife at the moment? It sounds like you probably should. But I think you know that. They're are medication options even in pregnancy. As for your current pills and potions, can you pop them by your bed and have them just before you got to sleep? Ask your DP to help you to take them at night?

I realise there are things I can do, and daily I make decisions to do it. And then the moment comes and I just think 'tomorrow'... That's the problem, it's got so much of a hold on me now.

Wow! I've found my people. I really thought I was the only one that did this! Thank you OP for starting this thread.

I have to say that this thread really motivated me to get stuff done today. Ie I washed the dishes straight after dinner, which is tiny but I just did it

@SharpLily I'm really sorry to hear that. HUGS I set two alarms for each of the daily medications I take, I can't risk missing a dose but sometimes I snooze 1 alarm which is why there is two. DH thinks it's mad but my whole morning routine is divided into alarms so I can make it into work on time. Would that work for you? Some days I don't shower and stay in PJs until 15 mins before DH gets home, then I change and brush my hair, I try and look together for him and my mum. Otherwise I'll lose it totally, so I get it. I'm also battling with depression.

I've come close to losing 1 job and after the fear made me manage the procrastination a bit better but now that's gone by the wayside. But this thread has usefully put together my understanding of my cycle of finishing tasks.

Whenever I need to do something I feel anxious about doing well / needing to be perfect < which triggers procrastination < which makes the fear of failure bigger < which begets more procrastination until the deadline arrives then it starts all over for the next thing I need to do

It's all bloody hard honestly. to everyone on this thread.

Well, the works employee support line is coming up trumps. That'll teach me not to call then when I'm told to (10 months ago). Online CBT being organised, saves me dealing with anyone face to face, but I can change to that if I want.

Can I please have their number?!

@SharpLily I'll find the login, maybe you could say you're my sister....?

OP we sound like the same person.

@SharpLily they've changed it to employees only, it used to extend to the household, so anyone who lived with you, so that won't work . Do you have access to anything like it? This is a company called Health Assured. The last lot were rubbish so I gave up on them after one phone call, so far I'm pleasantly surprised with these guys.

@WildFlower2018 hello!! How are you?

I've had a crying session on DH this afternoon when he said I flew off the handle. I probably did... I've explained what's going on and how I'm feeling. He doesn't really get it, but he's trying to understand bless him.

@SilverHairedCat it sounds like we're both lucky to have very nice husbands but, like yours, mine simply can't understand. He just gets on with things and finds it weird that I admire him so much for something he sees as so basic and normal!

Unfortunately I don't have access to anything like that where I am. I have briefly experimented with a couple of therapists but it hasn't felt at all helpful. I'm pregnant at the moment and can barely move with PGP, which kind of lets me off the hook for a while as I can blame that rather than myself, but I know that for both my daughters' sake, after number two is born I have to get a handle on this again. It's not fair to my family and it makes me very miserable.

And I'm at it again today...anyone else struggling with procrastination this morning?