Anxiety related procrastination ruining my life

[SilverHairedCat]

I'm a highly accomplished procrastinator. Never do now what you can put off until tomorrow. It's anxiety and performance related - total fear of failure and imposter syndrome (IYSWIM).

Its biting me on the arse at work, where my depression and anxiety has been steadily affecting my productivity over the last 10 months and is getting to the point where I'm on the cusp of being put on performance plans. Not a shock really.

Has anyone overcome this? How did you do it? Any practical advice?

To do lists make me worse - I re-organise them and re-prioritise them multiple times a week.
Journals look pretty, achieve nothing.
Speadsheets are my absolute love. Great for faffing with for hours.
I can stare at the same screen for hours and make no progress.

Yes I have been struggling all day... feel like screaming at myself! I don't even know why, it's so stupid!!

And I do struggle with anxiety as well. Lots of medication!

I struggled with hideous procrastination for years and years. I broke it finally by giving myself far too much to do. I took on more and more work, got a book contract, signed up for an MA until there was no space at all in which to procrastinate. It worked.

Hello all. Started off with lots off good intent, and the day sank away from me due to IT issues (2.5hrs wasted) and watching stupid dog (stole chicken carcass out the bin last night). Add in discovering my motorbike is 2 months out of date on its MOT because I've let my paperwork get out of kilter and its been a weird one.

This is me, too. Thanks for the thread. Due to my work at the moment, I am better at dealing with the immediate stuff but anything bigger than basic tasks I kick into the long grass. Again and again and again. I also have a huge fear of failure.

It's really helpful to hear other people experiencing the same...does it make you feel quite pathetic as these things should be straightforward and you should just get on with it? I tell myself off a lot...

Maybe I should have this thread moved out of 30 days only?

@Pinkandproud yes I feel pathetic a lot. I'm seeing my boss tomorrow and expect to be put on a written warning for performance. I feel sick, and like a child on the naughty step, but also that I have no good reason for my behaviour. I don't know what to say to her.

It would be good to have it moved @SilverHairedCat. Do you know for sure that your boss has issues with your performance? I'm fairly new in my role and I think my boss has been patient with me because of that, but I have a feeling my grace period may not last much longer. I haven't done anything wrong but I'm definitely not doing everything I need to be doing. I just get overwhelmed quite easily and it all feels too hard, so I procrastinate instead

Yes, she definitely does. She also told Occ Health that she wants to put me on one with an action plan, but they told her to back off or she'll make me more sick, so I don't know what she will actually do.... I know tomorrow is a day for confronting all my professional failings and I really REALLY don't want to do it. Not least of all because it's going to last for HOURS like all her meetings do and I can't face it.

Silver good luck today. Have you someone coming into the meeting to represent you? Are you in a union?

You might find that an action plan will help you, if it's a simple list of what you need to do. I feel more overwhelmed when a role or task is too vague. If I can tick things off it helps.

Also are you sure you don't have ADD? It is woefully underdiagnosed in girls / women because we are less likely to have the hyperactivity aspect.

Thank you. I'm up and procrasti-MNing with breakfast before I shower. I'm in a union, noone coming in with me yet. Good point actually, as if it's a formal warning I'd have thought I'd be offered the option of bringing someone before it's served. Maybe this is a precursor to that.

Definitely no ADD! This only flares up from time to time.

Good luck today. It sounds as though you have a good track record of effectiveness and work in a big organisation? Hopefully they will see this as a MH issue and approach it accordingly.

OMG. Thank you so much OP. I have been hating myself recently for my lack of motivation to exercise, cook, clean, look for a new job and didn't realise it comes from my depression & anxiety. I even cancelled a session with a counsellor yesterday because I wasn't sure I could articulate what was wrong with me. I feel like this is a real light bulb moment for me!!

Good luck @SilverHairedCat, will be thinking of you. I hope your boss is understanding and supportive and that you're given a good opportunity to explain the circumstances.

Just checking back to ask if @MNHQ could have this moved out of 30Days only...are you OK with that Silver?

Have asked for it to be moved to Chat now. 😊

Lovely boss. No written warning yet, am on an action plan so need to pull my socks up. Lots to do. I have a headache.

Chat isn't long lasting yet, so MNHQ have offered to pop this into Mental Health to keep it running.

How is everyone this evening? At least we have carriage returns back! 😂

Glad you're not on written warning, SilverHairedCat . Is it a useful action plan? Sorry my workplace isn't as formal so I'm not sure how it works!

Mental health topic works just as well for now

Well I'm still at work as I've been procrastinating all day and not getting something done which I now have to stay and do... I work quite independently which is really not helpful for me sometimes!

Does anyone else find it better working in a team or where you can bounce ideas off each other or similar?

Glad you have more veld this thread, it's really important to try and tackle it as it's such a dehabilitating condition to have. I've got an application form to finish that I started 2 weeks ago. The closing date is this Friday and although I've done most of it, I'm still hanging on to complete it until the last minute! I had all weekend to work on it and I did nothing. I know I'll be up till midnight on Thurs completing it.... Why do I do this to myself??

More veld? I meant moved!