Slipping.

[Needhelpasking4help]

I'm too tired to type my story but I don't want to feel alone but feel unable to bother and worry people in my life. Sorry.

I went to the park very early this morning thinking it would help me to feel better marching round for an hour but I spent the whole time fantasising about my suicide.

I came home and got very panicked and upset and I don't have any more diazepam but then calmed down a bit.

I was referred to crisis team the other week. Sorry

I got through the day but now I feel very bad and I can hardly move my body. I had a little drink which took the edge off

Called crisis team over weekend. been to dr this morning. had major drama with mother and had to ask her to leave the house. although i don;t have the stomach for it anymore i want to bleed.

i made a playlist of the songs i remember being on a tape me and my sister listened to in my dad's van when he would take us the lake district.

Daniel - Elton John
Wuthering Heights - Kate Bush
Woman in Love - Barbara Streisand
Drive - The Cars
Tracks of my Tears - Smokey Robinson
Love and Affection - Joan Armatrading
I'm not in love - 10cc

I'm sure there are a few I've missed but those are what I can remember. Listening to Decks Dark by Radiohead on repeat just now. Turned it off now.
Dr prescribed more diazepam, higher dose zopiclone and sertraline.

Glad to hear you were able to see the doc. Hopefully the changes in medication will have a positive impact, though sometimes it can take a wee while for the changes to be felt.
Would keeping a little bit of distance from your mum help for a while? Give you sometime to concentrate on you, until you're feeling a bit more steady. It could be quite stressful to manage an already difficult relationship when you're really not feeling good.
I've been feeling flat today myself, so have decided to go out for a quick walk in the sun, I know it will lift me a bit, even if only temporarily.

Hi Dolly, thank you.

Yes, I've asked mum for space, and thankfully my sister is my guardian angel on earth and is very helpful at mediation but she is on holiday with her in-laws and her family just now. Felt bad bothering her - but I hope I didn't take up too much of her time and she is happy I am more settled and so I do hope she will get back to having fun.

She's coming back this week and wants to stay over this weekend for a night. I'm really very thankful for her and trust her more than anyone.

I'm feeling really physically fatigued after the high stress of the morning and walking to doctors and back.

Sorry you are feeling flat. I hope the sun lifts you up xxx

I'm glad you have such a lovely sister to help you. Try and put your feet up this afternoon. I always try and get stuck in to a good lighthearted book if I'm feeling shit, it lets my head escape reality for a while. I actually find music has the opposite effect and can make me feel more sad, but I guess different things work for different people.

Thanks ended up walking a bit further than planned, so back in a sweaty heap, but feeling a bit better. Hope you have a nice restful day now OP. Great to have visit from lovely sister to look forward to!

Ohi Kitty. Pushed myself out of the house and walked to the shop. Going to collapse now though for the restr of the day! Started to feel really fucked up with the diazepam, nice cocoon, but got in, out and home ok. Music off now, I agree but it penetrates me deeply and sometimes helps me to feel alive.

hi dolly, cross post there.

Drinking wine prob not best with the drugs but enjoying the buzz to be quite honest. I'm watching wolf of wall street. Back to reality tomorrow.

Just wanted to say thinking of you

thank you Here. Just made a plan to meet a very old friend, who I know has been through similar. We are meeting tomorrow for coffee/lunch. Looking forward to it and glad I reached out.

Well done, OP. A brave move, but a good one.

You're doing so well !

Enjoy your time with your friend. Reaching out is a big and positive step. Xx

Just wanted to say that I feel for you OP. Well done for getting to the Drs and arranging to meet up with your friend. It's great that you're being proactive. I finds it helps me if literally "count my blessings". It always gives me a little lift if I step back and am thankful for the rd of over my head, the food in my tummy, the people who love me etc. Exercise is great too if you can manage it. Will keep you in my prayers

*roof over my head

Your making great steps! Keeps going! I feel like things have got a little bad recently, I'm hoping it's just a 'blip' but it's been going on a few weeks now x

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you've been feeling so low but are pleased to hear things might be a bit easier now.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

A man woke me up about 20 minutes ago walking down the street screaming "fucking bitches!" And now I'm awake I can hear so many noises and I'm getting really scared thinking there's things here. I'm alone. I'm so frightenede

I can hear the same noises inside and outside and worried about the things in the wall

Oh sweeties - your mind is playing tricks on you with noises in the wall

How are you feeling now? It's so easy to freak yourself out with noises especially when it's dark outside, hope you managed to find a distraction. If you ever feel in danger call someone, whether it's the crisis team or the police, or someone else nearby who can help. There's always someone out there op

Hello I'm ok.

Hope you have a better night tonight op