Will I ever be a good mum?

[Haribosmum]

As I am typing this I am crying. DS2 (5 months)is upstairs crying his eyes out and I just want him to go to sleep. DS1 (3yrs) has been sent to bed because I can't cope with him. I just feel like such a crap mum, like I should be able to look after my boys. DS1 has his last day in childcare on Friday because se are moving to New Zealand in 3 weeks and I honestly don't think I can cope. My doctor diagnosed me with PND 3 months ago but I stopped taking the pills last week because I just felt so tired on them. My husband doesn't understand how I feel and I just want to be a good mother. Please can someone tell me what to do? I'm not the person I used to be and just feel so guilty.

i think it sounds like you need to go see your doc again. Is it like this most days, do you have good days.

sorry i haven't got any answers for you. but will bump for you.

bump

You poor thing. Have you got anyone who can come round and let you have a break for a bit?
It does sound like you need to talk to your GP. He might be able to give you some other meds that suit you better.

You must be pretty busy and stressed with such a big life change. Children so young, won't be helping matters. how much of this is just about having abad time TODAY, or is this a feeling on most days?
Of course you are not a crap mum, you clearly care about your boys and I'm sure they love you dearly
(I'm at home with two baby boys myself - its not all fun and games is it?

sorry I dont have anything to offer you in way of advice but I would like to offer my virtual support. I would guess if you are movning to NZ in three weeks time that you have been pretty busy of late so are you just perhaps too tired right now? I bet you are a good mum really but you just can't see it now because of everythign else that's going on.

ah dear, you poor thing. I am sure you are a good mum but if diagnosed with PND then you are obviously feeling very down. Are you bappy about moving away or is this a contributing factor?

Is DS2 ready for a sleep, will he eventually fall asleep? Maybe make your self a cup of coffee and have a little time for yourself then go and get some fresh air this afternoon.
Wouyld be wise to make another gp appt and maybe ask DH to come along with you. It may be wise DH seeing what a professional says to you to make him realise how you are feeling.

you're moving to NZ in 3 weeks? the stress is getting on top of you - you're not a crap mom!!! i think you should see your GP again and talk about your meds. there are other ADs out there to try.

try not to be SO hard on yourself. and look at everything you are dealing with. my son is 3 next month (he's my only one) and there are days i want to hide!

one thing i do when i am super-down is try to list what i am positive about, what i have accomplished, something to read and look at when i feel like i am crap and doing nothing. no matter how small you may think it is, write it down. it does help. and it gives you something to look back on when you are feeling better. and you will

hugs

i felt like this when my dds were 6mths and 2yrs 6mths

i found sending dd1 to childcare a couple of days a week helped - both myself and dd, and ultimately dd2 and dh as well

do you work?

why dont you go and see gp and try different pills? there is nothing wrong with being on meds

Meant Happy not bappy!

although obviously you ahve to wait til you get to NZ to start childcare

when you DO get there i would consider it to be a priority. seriously.

Firstly, you might actually already be a good mum - being a good parent is about much more than the ability to have unfeasible levels of patience with children when they're being difficult.

Have a few mins for yourself and then gird your loins to do battle with the screamy infants (meaning, go and cuddle one of them, obviously).
I have a nearly 2 year old and a nearly 6 month old and I promise you, 'total baby meltdown' happens from time to time. Juggling a toddler and a baby is just like that and it's no reflection on you.

It sounds like you are hugely stressed - the move to NZ is a major life change and anyone would find it tough to contemplate. But you will cope.

Then when you have a moment come back here and tell us something lovely about your children.

Did you tell your doc that you have stopped taking the pills??

Perhaps you should go back & ask for them to be changed if they are making you sleepy?

sorry, i started posting ages ago & got distracted..meantime loads of posts All much better than mine

Hun, I had PND most of last year and a little bit earlier this year. Doc prescribed me some medication, but said I would feel worse for the first two weeks, before I felt better.

I took the prescription and thought... heck, if I take these, my kids will be without a mother! Feel worse before I got better - , I was feeling suicidal - quite bad tbh.

So I took myself off to Holland and Barratts and stocked up on the following:

Cod liver oil
Busy B and C
Star flower

and of late: St.Johns Wort.

Together, they really helped.

Can I ask, if you have a thyrid issue too? If you dont know, then go ask for a blood test; Depression can be a product of thyroid problems - read up on it on the internet if you can.

And lastly my friend, take a big hug. In your current state, you are doing really really well. No one! NO_ONE knows what its like to suffer depression until they have gone through it themselves, its awful. Be encouraged, you are not a crap mum, you are tired and feeling down. Your children love you. And another thing.... kids are quite resiliant and very forgiving. When you catch your breath, and move on from this moment, take time out, sit down on the floor with them, get puzzles out or something.

We are for you hun. Take care. xx

Oh I am soooo happy about going back to NZ. I have a horse over there and he's such a good listener (lol).

I have good days and bad days but have not felt this bad in a couple of weeks. I think baby has finally given up and gone to sleep but ds1 will be up soon. I find I smoke so much when I've got them both! Did stop whilst pregnant but if I didn't smoke I think I'd have to find some other vice.

Oh God I feel so useless. I feel like I came cast ds1 aside since ds2 arrived. No wonder the poor kid plays up with me.

And you guys have to stop writing nice things! Everytime I manage to compose myself another new message pops up and I start crying again!

Oh and had my thyroid tested and it was all ok.

thats good hun; one thing you dont have to worry about. xx

While ds1 is still asleep, go get a coffee, sit with your feet up and enjoy the peace and quiet.
When they wake up can you go out to the park or something so ds1 gets some time to run about.
I'm sure everyone has days when they reach the end of their tether with their kids (I do!), no way does it stop you being a good mum.

the nice things aren't meant to make you cry, they are to cheer you up. Please dont cry, lots of smiles

OK going for yet another ciggie (or as ds1 calls it 'a blow' - do hope he doesn't tell anyone 'mummy and daddy have gone for a blow ) and the I'll wake ds1 up because he's been banished for ages now and then make some bottles and take the dog for a walk when ds2 wakes up. Thanks for your support guys guess I'd better start taking the happy pills again.

just hang in there..be good to yourself (oh gods, i sound like that sainbury's line of food!) see your gp, definitely. and know a new chapter of your life is just around the corner.... i hope the rest of your day goes well..and that the sun is shining there, too.

Well just back from our walk and I feel much better after my 'episode'. DS1 wanted to go through the 'big big tunnel' (a loooong tunnel that used to be part of a railway line. It scares me silly! It's just so dark in the middle and as you walk through the end seems to get further and further away. And then if a truck or bus goes along the road next to it it sounds like a train is coming! . Honestly there could be a 20ft drop in the middle and you wouldn't know until it was too late.

Anyway thanks to you all for your nice and caring comments. I think I will go back to the doctors when I get some time (with 2 small kids and all!). And next time I'm having a bad day I know where to come!

glad you're feeling better
MN can be great for helping you feel better...