I think, I don't want to carry on anymore

[beeswaxxx]

I'm a namechanger and I want to give up... life is awful and I don't wnat to have to suffer anymore but i dont hae the guts to end it so im stuck arent i?
no one cares about me or what i do or wat happens ot me, no on ewill miss me im just too fukn cowardly to do it. take the step into oblivion and peace, it wold be so beautiful but im too scared

dont kniw why im posting it here, none of you relaly know me or cn do anything to help either so its all pointless sisnt it?

sory for bad spelling, i can't see properly wat im doing, lol

bbeswax i've just caught your thread and i'm glad you got through last night, i know these black holes are dreadful, i'm glad you got through to today. yes, life can be soul destroying, my mother says its just our lot as women, i don't believe that but i think its what has got her through the last 60 years. i don't want to feel that its my lot, our generation were brought up with better expectations of life. can you get your gp to sign you off work for a bit and get away from home too if you can. you need some time out - just to relax properly and switch off -i think on top of your depresiion your are alnost certainly exhausted and dhclearly isn't helping, he can't relate to what you're feeling so its difficult for him to understand - even a couple of days away could give you a rtest and a new perspective on things when you get back. are there other drugs you could try and counselling , you really don't have to carry on like this but there are ways of getting through. dh and ds might take you for granted but i'm sure thhey love you very much and would be devasteted if you did anything drastic. you could tell dh how bad you got last night, now you're calmer its a good time to bring it up, appeal to his male sense of wanting to 'fix' things without trying to allocate blame -hard i know. anyway good luck and keep mning its what its here for ((((((((()))))))

pleased you back ad chatting to us again huni i was worried about you xxx

I am glad you came back online beeswaxxx, I was worried and have been thinking of you.

I agree with a lot being said here today. Maybe you should try and have a day or two away from your family, just to get some breathing room. Go to a spa for the day, treat yourself.

I had pnd and I wouldn't have come throught it so well if I didn't have the support of my dh and our families, so it is time for your dh to stop faffing around and really help you. How can he live with you and not notice how bad you are feeling?

beeswaxx, your menfolk sound like they need a serious kick up the backside!

why not strike? do your cooking and cleaning but refuse to lift a finger to help them. they're both grown men, they won't starve but they might start to appreciate all you've done for them

i also think you need to invest some time and money in pampering yourself. go for a massage, have a weekend at a spa, get your hair done. it all sounds superficial and silly but it'll make sucjh a differance to how you feel to be spoilt for a change

as for the depression since childhood, i do understand how wearing and draining it can be to fight it for so long, to never remember not being depressed. i tried to kill myself when i was just 11 and i'd been feeling depressed for years already at that stage. i don't have a solution for you, i still get the dark days but it does sound like your gp is a treasure, you need to go back to him and tell him how you really feel and let him help you