I’ve name changed for this. I’m a regular.
I feel really, really worthless. I suspect I have Aspergers. I come across really rude to people. When I try to lighten the mood and joke, DH says I sound rude.
Also, DH is an averagely sociable person. He doesn’t go out much with friends or anything but he has a few good friends. He likes to host. Several of his friends and their wives (sometimes kids) have stayed with us (not all at the same time). DH says that I’ve been rude/cold towards them and that they would have felt it, too.
Now, I admit I hate having house guests. I’m very, very introverted and hate my space being invaded by overnight guests. But I’ve tried to be more hospitable but I really don’t enjoy their company.
DH, on the other hand, loves to host. He admits that we are not compatible that way. He is an extremely good host to not only his friends but my friends and family, too.
Anyway, I often feel worthless. I’m not well educated. I work but not at a high earning career type job. I’m not generous with money. I’m not the most patient person. I’m not kind. Sometimes I think I could even be evil. I lose my temper with my dd sometimes. I’m not houseproud. DH loves to keep a lovely home but my cleaning is not up to his standard. We are trying to sell our house and he often criticises my lack of initiative when it comes to doing up the house. I try my best but it’s not good enough.
I’m an average person at best. I’m not a good daughter or sister. I can
Go on for days without speaking to my family. I even avoid answering their calls some days.
All in all, I think this world will be better off without me in it. My DH and DD might miss me at first but in the long run, I think they are better off without me.
When I’m dead, I want to donate my organs and use whatever that’s remaining for medical science and the rest to be put in a biodegradable body bag and buried in the woods. At least then, after death I’ll be more useful to this world than when I was alive.
I’m just venting. Thank you so nuch for reading.