Best way to check if I have BPD?

[Buckingfrolicks]

My relationship is falling apart not just with my DP but with my adult DCs.

I wonder if I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Certainly all they think I'm an over sensitive, emotional person who takes everything personally and gets into rages.

I've looked online and yes there are things that I recognise in me in the descriptions of BPD, but not all.

Is there anyone UK based who could suggest where to turn for a proper diagnosis?

Thank you

You'd need to see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis I'd imagine, certainly that's how I got diagnosed.

Armchair diagnosis is dangerous, although tempting.

The NHS will only refer and offer support to those experiencing significant mental health problems, and even then there are long waiting lists. Unless you are willing to see a psychiatrist privately you are unlikely to get a diagnosis in the UK. The process can take years and have many unintended consequences such as other people throwing it at you as an insult or to undermine you.

If you want a diagnosis to help your personal development then you can read some books and try some of the strategies they suggest.

The other thing to be aware of is the effect of labelling. If you label yourself then you may pay attention to those aspects which confirm your beliefs and ignore those that don’t. You may also feel powerless and your mental health become worse as some people start to think that disorder ‘justifies’ their behaviours.

Anyway, good luck.

I have this diagnosis and was diagnosed 4 years ago. There are a couple of online test that are accurate but most I would not trust. Try and get a referral to your mental health team.

GP and referral to psychiatrist/Community Mental Health Team. When you go to the GP make sure you are not referred to depresson/anxiety services.

thank you everyone. Iris I have been worrying about the consequences of being 'labled' by my family, and how that would then justify their own not so great behaviours. I can't decide if I'm being villainised for trying to parent/be the person I am, or if I'm really unreasonable and mentally ill. But whatever it is, the cycle is there: x happens, I say Y, and they say 'you're unreasonable oversensitive etc' then I either get very angry indeed (and they then say 'ooh look you're out of control and unreasonable') or I doubt myself and shut down.

I think in a way I may as well try to do the steps and ideas for retraining my mind, even without a diagnosis.

Or just leave!

There is a very very depressing forum, bdpfamily.com, where I just get so confused about whether the mainly men complaining about their women partner's behaviour towards them, is because the women have BPD or because the men get comfort from labelling their wives and partners in that way, and thus use that lable to justify and continue what may well be their own crappy behaviours.

@Buckingfrolics I have also read some really depressing stuff about 'how to cope with a BPD friend' etc, when I was trying to read something positive and hopeful about not screwing up my friendships!

However it is positive and hopeful actually and I started a thread on here recently after being dx'd and all the stories of how much correct therapy has helped was SO heartening. Things can get better, ignore the stuff that makes you feel worse, if you do have BPD it will only hurt you all the more.

There are some awful articles about how people with BPD are manipulative etc.

There is a lot of stigma and a lot of nasty and depressing stuff on the web about BPD - particularly women with BPD. It is a label that is frequently applied to women who don’t shut up when told to.
Often when partners or other family members start offering amateur opinions on ‘your’ BPD it is to avoid dealing with their own role in the relationship.
BPD can be a demonising diagnosis - and I say this as someone with a diagnosis myself. My emotionally abusive ex used it as a weapon against me - it was always my BPD that was the problem and not his appalling behaviour toward me. The fact is that the PD unit I was assessed at describe me as very high functioning and a ‘quiet’ borderline - this just means that I don’t behave like a typical BPD and often pass for non PD.
Unless your behaviour is causing you or close friends and family (that you trust) distress and difficulty then I’m not sure how helpful it would be to get a diagnosis.
It is always a good idea to try and reach our potential and of you think that you will benefit from learning to manage your emotions more effectively and to reduce or prevent destructive behaviours then there are ways to do that without labelling yourself as having BPD!

iris yes my behaviour is causing huge distress to my DC and DP - or am I hugely distressed by their behaviour to me? That's the nub if it.

I'm being blamed for everything that is wrong at home - both adult kids living back home.

While i have huge faults,I'm not as bad as they imply. Fucking hope not anyway, and my friends say I'm not.

I think my DP is a chronic enabler and conflict avoider and let's everyone walk all over him which drives me "mad" as we now have lazy entitled DCs who think I'm a bitch for wanting them to eg wipe down the kitchen after using it, and a bully for criticising their dad for not expecting them to do it.

I agree with what Iris says. I personally wouldn't recommend rushing for a diagnosis of PD as there is a lot of stigma around it and it can really stick with you. There are however ways of learning to manage your emotions and explore where these behaviours come from without getting labeled with a personality disorder.

If it is impacting on your family life you may want to look at services you can self refer to such as IAPT services which provide CBT based stuff or if you have a recovery college where you are they can sometimes do workshops on emotional coping skills though I think provision of this is really patchy and variable.

It does sound like you have some conflict in your relationship so some counselling as a couple or just for you to explore that might be helpful.

I do often think there is a tendency to stick a PD label on behaviour that is not really that surprising when you look at what someone has and is dealing with.

Maybe take a look at some DBT resources and see if they help you? You can either Google it or look for books by Marsha Lineham on Amazon.

They've helped me a great deal. I've had a lot of (largely ineffective) mental health treatment, but been told that I'm not a borderline as I'm too polite and pleasant!? Anyway, I've decided I don't particularly want a diagnosis as H would likely use it against me.