Bugger - I just posted a very long post to tell you my story of hope and then my stupid phone died!
Anyway, just to say Babette that you will get through this and things WILL improve mentally and physically. I had a horrendous breakdown two years ago, and didn't sleep literally for about 2 weeks after an awful time following a head injury, post concussion syndrome and other horrible cognitive problems.
I was given a first gen antipsychotic on top of lots of other psychotropic meds to calm me down, and eventually Citalopram got me sleeping and sane again. The antipsychotic did mess me up though and I ended up with tardive dyskinesia from it after only a week on it (and being told that it wasn't possible to get TD from it after such a short duration, and low dose). I saw five neurologists before one agreed with my self-diagnosis that I had TD.
My story could be a lot more detailed if you want but I will spare you all of it - my point is, I did recover from such a horrendous time and know just how debilitating sleep deprivation can be. I spent nearly 2 weeks with no sleep at all and was literally crawling up the stairs because I was so weak. One friend said she had wondered where I was for ages as she hadn't seen me on the school run and thought I was going through a mid-life crisis! Haha, that would have been much more preferable!
I'm not 100% back to normal and my stupid TD is still here, but I AM in a happier place and am expecting DC2 in June, so am looking to the future with lots of hope (and also hoping that the sleep deprivation doesn't send me down the same spiral again..!)
Best of luck to you, please let me know if you want to hear any more of my story. I can totally empathise and know exactly what you are going through. Stay strong - you can do this.