Psychopathy in relationship questions?

[hollybatgirl]

Hi all, I need some advice, I've been in an on off relationship for the past year and we have just started 'dating' again, when I say dating I mean we've been out and done a few things together, no sex but we have kissed. We've flirted and sent very flirty texts, I need to know what he is wanting from this so I've text him this morning and asked him, he replied saying it depends on his psychopathy! I wasn't aware he has any form of mental health problems (we both work in a mental health hospital) so I asked what he meant and sent a screen shot basically saying 'Lack of ability to love or establish meaningful relationships, failure to learn from experience' so I'm really confused now. Is he using this as an excuse or is this something so far out of my control that I need to walk away? I've told him many times in the past I'll be there for him and he needs to talk to me but so far he never seems to unless its about work or I ask him outright, I've told him in the past I love him but he never responds and I'm now beginning to feel he's either hiding this from me or he's using it as an excuse to flirt and feel good without the relationship side.

So basically I'm wondering if this is normal behaviour for someone with this condition, any help would be much appreciated please.

If he’s a psychopath he’s incapable of feeling emotions in a ‘normal’ way.

Of course, not all psychopaths are dangerous murderers. Google James Fallon to find it more about functioning psychopaths.

However, it just sounds like you’re not going to get what you want from this guy and he isn’t willing or able to give it to you. Which he has basically explicitly told you. You’re only a few dates in. Cut your losses now.

I've been with him on and off for the past year, we've known each other about 4 years now as we work in the same place. We broke up at Christmas and have been 'dating' for the past few weeks so I do have feelings for him. I'm just wondering if it is at all possible to have a relationship with him having this or if I should just walk away? I'm really confused as he's hard to talk to and I feel so bad in myself as I have such strong feelings for him and I was happy when we were spending time together as we were happy :(

I'd assume from the text exchange that you aren't going to get the proper relationship that you want with this guy. (A mental health professional version of the "it's not you, it's me" line). The sensible part of me would draw a line here and walk away. But given your history and feelings perhaps you need to have an actual conversation with him to find out how literally he means it. Just brace yourself first to hear things that you don't want to. And be prepared to politely walk away if you won't get what you need from him.

He’s just being a dickhead, probably wants to think he’s special so has given himself the diagnosis.

Walk away, far away.

I've told him we need to sit down and talk about things as he has replied to me earlier saying he was joking, not sure its fair to joke about such a thing considering the field we both work in.

Thanks for the advice guys, FissionChips I love that you've called him a dickhead, very spot on :)

You might be better off posting on the relationships board, lots of good advice there.

You sound lovely btw, I really hope you don’t waste your life on that nob.