I need advice. Not in a good way

[thumperstopthumping]

Please, please no judgement. And I know I'm going to get the MN 'get some real life advice' post but right this second I just need some support/advice on here.

If I were to phone an ambulance and say I think I might kill myself. What then happens? I have children, a house, a partner, etc. I don't know if I would but I can't shift the idea and have been sitting in absolute tears for hours now, I have a splitting headache and can barely move. I feel like I'm in so much pain but there is no real injury. I am very depressed but I suppress it hugely and sometimes it just breaks me down. I've been very worried recently that I have BPD, and think it's a very real possibility that I do which is terrifying.
So yes, if I really selfishly phoned an ambulance and said to them I think I might kill myself tobight, what then happens? Do I get sectioned? Do I lose my children? Social services? I'm not saying I won't phone in the case of these things, but I need to know for my own sanity (ha) Please help.

Please give your local mh crisis team a call, in some areas there is a mh triage car working with the police, it’s a car with a police officer and a mh nurse on board who can deal with both. Don’t worry about social services they are there for support not to break up any family. Call any of them, ambulance will help too. The crisis team would be the best to help you though

Gosh - it is probably the fact you are unable to access your medication that has made things so bleak OP. I am glad you can get them tomorrow. Is there any mileage in trying to ask the Dr for a prescription with a few months meds to save you some money.

Crisis teams will visit you at home every day or other day etc for a limited period of time. They keep track of how you are, talk things through and work on coping mechanisms, and just chat.
Stopping your antidepressants won't have helped, as you know - no judgement, you couldn't afford the prescription which must have been awful.
No-one here will pretend mental health care is great, but it's better than nothing.
It's not a magic solution no, or fun, and you will have to wait, but go to A&E or call 999 if you need to.

I'm trying so hard to find this crisis team thing. I can't find the one for my area, it must have one it's a big place but it's got all the surrounding areas (but not close enough they'd come to me I doubt) but none for me. I'm so fucking confused.

Others have given good advice on who to call I'm not to sure on that myself so won't try add to that

I'm so sorry you feel like this ! I came off anti ds cold turkey years ago and I was hit with a wall of depression ! So I'd imagine you are feeling worse due to that and will pick up once you take them again so try hang on to that thought that things will definitely improve again soon

I'm a paramedic.

If you called 999 stating you felt suicidal then yes an ambulance would be sent. Police would only be sent if there was a risk that you were violent/or your children were at risk of which neither seems the case.

You would be given the option of being taken to the ED. We cannot convey straight to a MH facility unless it's pre booked. There are no MH EDs anymore.

At the ED you will be referred to the on call psych team and be given the chance to speak to someone there. This may take hours. There may be other MH cases in the dept and you, as any other patient will go in order of Priorty.

You will likely be asked about your home and family life. A report may go to SS but this doesn't mean your children will be removed from you.

It's highly unlikely given the tone and construction of your posts that you are that unstable that you will be sectioned.

I imagine you would be discharged in the very early hours with a follow up from your GP.

*info relevant in the trust I work for.

Hi,

I can’t imagine how you’re feeling but with the right support you can get through anything.

I think we just need to absolutely check, you’re not seriously considering suicide? Is this a cry for help and support? The MN network are absolutely the most amazing bunch I’ve ever come across and there’s plenty of us who can sit here all night and talk to you and point you the right direction so you can start to unmuddle everything that’s going on.

Every problem has a solution. Don’t ever feel like it doesn’t. Sometimes you just need extra support.

Please, speak to us and let us know how you’re doing and if you manage to speak to anyone in person / over the telephone x

Thank you bucking I think that was your name. I know it's all exacerbated by the sudden stop of antidepressants - they're sertraline 50mg tho so didn't think they'd have such adverse affects. He doesnt have any money either. Just a really rough month on the financial front, but like I said I can get that sorted tomorrow. I really wanna speak to someone tonight, but getting very stressed over not being able to work out who. My head hurts so much that I can't properly concentrate. I tried to just wake my partner up gently but he sorta snorted and rolled over :( I was a little scared to wake him up properly as I think he needs a time out from me right now.

Whoever said about have I looked at BPD, yes I have, a stumbled upon an article about it when I was doing an assignment. And I really do think i have it, sadly. It was always a running joke as teenagers about my spontaneity, being an extrovert, falling head over heels in love, finding emotional turmoil so awful, and I've just kinda always thought that I felt deeply but I think this might be a pointer towards BPD.

I know you've said you're reluctant to call 111, but that would seem to be the quickest way of being pointed in the direction of the crisis team, short of going to A&E.

111 May be able to give you the number of the MH crisis team. Where abouts are you roughly maybe we can Google for you

frankie that is really helpful advice, thank you. I appreciate it.

I'm starting to feel a little better. I've stopped crying. My headache is easing up a bit, and it is starting to all look a little easier. I'm now torn. I wish to speak to someone in the midst of it all because when I am like this is the only way I can convey properly what I am feeling. When I had PND it took me going into the midwife in floods of tears for her to realise that I really wasn't coping. But that could take hours, and I couldn't get to a&e due to finances and DP starts work at 8am, and I have to get DS1 to reception, DS2 to nursery and I have University in the morning. So I could go to bed. And probably be ok tomorrow and get on with it, but then I don't know when this is next gonna happen again - so it seems smart to access help now regardless, as I just know that when I'm 'normal' I cannot explain how bad it is, and I chicken out and put some weird fake front on which I guess is just my coping mechanism.

If you call one of the crisis teams you have the number for they should give you the correct number if they can’t help you. Just call 111 if not, they are really good at talking and can get someone to help you

West Yorkshire LEM, I can find York, Wakefield etc but not where I am.

www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Suicide-information-and-support/LocationSearch/329 this is from NHS although they also advise 111. Let me see if I can find anything else

Hey Thumperstopthumping.

Firstly, I think you're really brave for talking about this and I really hope you're okay.

Secondly, it sounds like you're feeling horrendously lonely and trapped in your own thoughts and feelings. In a time like this when we need help, unfortunately the only people we can rely on to help at any time of the day, without giving up on us or reaching a breaking point(because it's their job) are the emergency services.

If you were to call an ambulance the most likely thing that would happen is that they would assess the risk you pose to yourself and from what you've said on here, they'll probably take you to A&E. They could take you voluntarily and you would probably be given a bay somewhere quiet until the psychiatric team comes to assess you. From their assessment they could come up with different options, could be that they discharge you with a referral to your GP, they could refer you to a Community Mental Health Team or they could section you. This can be quite a long process but hey that's just A&E, and you're health is worth the wait.

I understand your worry about losing your children and social services being involved but this is quite unlikely. Think of how many children would be taken away from their parents if struggling with mental health issues was a big no no when you're a parent.

I guess the best thing to do is to rationalise whether you need urgent help or whether this is something you can ride out until the morning and then you can seek some support that may be less intrusive.

I really hope you find a way to combat this!

www.nhs.uk/Services/clinics/Services/Service/DefaultView.aspx?id=231353 a 24hr number that's in Leeds but even if that isn't local they might be able to redirect especially if it is telephone help you require just now.

The anxiety should burn itself out - you cannot physically maintain it .It just isn't possible. Can you distract yourself until it subsides?

Thank you LEM, I looked at the one for my post code and it took me back to samaritans for my area, who are still busy :(

Thank you everyone. I'm feeling much more calm. I'm sad, but not distraught like I was.

I need a plan. I was thinking this:
Go to bed, obviously wake up again.
Drop DS2 + DS1
email tutor and tell them I will be late/not 100% if I'll be coming in
Walk to GP and ask to be seen asap. They know me in there and are often lovely and if I sit for long enough, slot me in in between patients!
Hopefully see my usual GP and not the useless man who constantly tells me to half my dosage, and if I find it difficult to explain what I was feeling, show them/read them this thread? Guess this is the most honest account I could possibly give when not in the midst of a crisis.

I've just heard DS2 squawk, perhaps it's acceptable for me to go and get him for cuddles. He's good at them.

Not sure what to do about DP, this is not the first episode, but it's the first he hasn't been able to help/calm me down. And I think that spooked him. He was also quite mean at one point, I KNOW he was trying to do tough love and was hoping he might have some sort of breakthrough but I feel sad about that. I want to apologise because I am so sorry, but at the same time, not sure if I should apologise because I think this could just be me (at least for now) and to apologise is silly as it could happen again.

Thank you for the Leeds number! I've just saved it. Perhaps, I should call them tomorrow instead of the GP?

Hello OP! Glad you are feeling a smidge better, I am in Leeds and Work in social care (although children mostly) I do know some good places to go for short term help and some suggestions for tomorrow, there is a crisis drop in but I don't think t runs this late. I think the mh crisis team operate out of St Mary's hospital in Armley. Do you still want to speak to someone tonight?
Pm if you want any more specific questions, I'm a bit worried about outing myself

Two to get you started

I am glad you are feeling a little calmer as I think talking to someone tomorrow will be a lot less intrusive.

Please try not to take your dh inability to help too personally. My dp is very much the same - it is very difficult to help someone who can't make sense of how they feel. There is no logic. He loves me and supports me but cannot cope with my melt downs.

Hopefully you'll start to feel better once you get back on your meds . GP is great but I think you should insist on psych review

Is it possible to PM on the app justbeinreal what you have just said is very helpful.

Thank you so much Lem you've been a true star

www.verywell.com/mood-swings-in-borderline-personality-disorder-425478 it's got heaps of stuff about BPD.

So glad you're feeling a little less frantic; it's bloody awful and you have so much on your plate, I'm incredibly impressed that you are studying with two DC's.

I wish you a peaceful night, and you have a really good plan for tomorrow, very well done for thinking so clearly, it's impressive to see how you've done that - sleep well

I don't think you can on the app, just the website? Happy to answer Pm though if we work out how

Please contact Samaritans or wake your husband up and let him know how you're feel.

If not call 111 and they'll advise what to do z