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Original poster

I flicked dd's nose and made her cry - why??? I am terrified of myself now

119 replies

evilcow · 21/04/2007 18:01

I was so annoyed with her, and for some reason I flicked her little nose. She promptly burst into frantic tears and then bizarrely I did it again two or three times. Then it hit me what I'd done, and now I feel absolutely sick to my stomach that I am capable of hurting my baby and am bloody terrified that I might ever do it again.
I can't believe I did something so awful and hurt the most important thing in my life. I picked her up and cuddled her while she cried and cried, and eventually she did stop and was fine. What the f**k is the matter with me? I had some issues with breastfeeding which made me a bit depressed just after she was born, and I've always worried that we haven't really bonded properly, but I've never ever contemplated laying a hand on her or anyone. I just can't understand why it happened and so am completely terrified that it could happen again.
I feel just awful so hopefully I won't ever do it again, I can't imagine that I could, but then why did it happen in the first place? It was like, 'right, if you're gonna keep whinging I'll give you something to really cry about'. But that's ridiculous. I'm just not that sort of person. My period is due in a day or so and I do get really grumpy and irritable, but why this? Why? What the hell is wrong with me and how do I cure it?

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 21/04/2007 18:47

Message withdrawn

LoveMyGirls · 21/04/2007 18:47

How old is your dd?

EHM · 21/04/2007 18:47

evilcow I agree seek help very quickly from your GP, speak to your dh. Get some time out if possible. Ignore the insensative posts, you are not a freak.

FluffyMummy123 · 21/04/2007 18:48

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nogoes · 21/04/2007 18:48

RedLorryyellowlorry, you must be a lunatic, I know there is not much on the telly at the moment but flicking your own nose.....

sunnysideup · 21/04/2007 18:48

I'm so clever. Was just reading the other thread cod is on about the child with temp at party and thought "that woman's been drinking".

well, as clever as Beetroot anyway.

RedLorryYellowLorry · 21/04/2007 18:49

I'm gonna do my ears next [lunatic laugh]

FluffyMummy123 · 21/04/2007 18:49

Message withdrawn

FrannyandZooey · 21/04/2007 18:50

Cod I would move on if I were you.

FluffyMummy123 · 21/04/2007 18:50

Message withdrawn

Chocolateface · 21/04/2007 18:51

Please listen to Coldizt.

EHM · 21/04/2007 18:51

what ever, I wonder if you are 'nice' face to face

plibble · 21/04/2007 18:52

EC (please change your name), losing your rag with a small child is not very odd, but continuing to flick your DD's nose even after she has started to cry is very strange IMO. I don't think this is something you can rationalise away and I wish you would speak to your DH about it.

A tip someone once gave me is this: if you start to feel yourself losing patience, then say whatever it is you are thinking of doing out loud. It'll sound like such a stupid, mean thing to do to a tiny child that you should stop yourself and it gives you a bit of time to regain control.

I do think that you need to talk about this in r.l though... you'd never forgive yourself if it happened again, and it does sound like you are having a rough time and could use some help.

nogoes · 21/04/2007 18:56

Good advice Plibble.

MorocconOil · 21/04/2007 18:58

Evilcow- I admire you for being so honest about what happened.

EHM · 21/04/2007 18:59

Sorry my last post wasn't for EC

ViscountessPetitLapin · 21/04/2007 19:04

EC (much better, well done plibble) a lot of us have been very stressed with our babies. I have screamed at the top of my voice at my DS, causing him to burst into hysterical tears, and yes, I felt horrendous afterwards, like I was the worst mother in the world. Small babies can be bloody hard to cope with, day in and day out.

If you think you might be suffering from PND - and it happens to a lot of women, just talk to the ladies on here - you might consider taking the online Edinburgh test for PND , which I remember my HV giving me when DS was a colicky nightmare. I don't know if the other ladies think that is a good idea?

You are NOT a bad mother or an evil cow.

Kaz62 · 21/04/2007 19:09

I think that being honest is the first step, I was surprised about how frustrating i found my son when he was first born, I found that just putting him down and screaming in another room helped, doing it in a pillow does not have the same effect, I know that that sounds weird and probably scared the neighbours but I think that lack of sleep does strange things to us.

Chocolateface · 21/04/2007 19:14

Please be honest with the test. I was given the Edinburgh test, all new mothers are around here. I passed with flying colours. I also had horrendous PND.

Judy1234 · 21/04/2007 19:51

People lose their temper with their children all the time. I don't think it's that big a deal. Just don't do it again. Leave the room next time if you feel you might hurt her. And as everyone says if it's a big issue then get some help.

NuttyMuffins · 21/04/2007 19:59

I think you are very brave to come on here and tell people what you did, and you know you need help so thats good.

I do have to say though that I am very shocked that after your dd cried, you did it again 2 or 3 times.

I do know what pnd is like, I have had it twice, but I can understand why Cod said what she did, because I agree it is quite bizarre behaviour, especially as it contimued after the child got upset.

Anyhow, I hope you get the help you need evilcow.

WigWamBam · 21/04/2007 20:06

Xenia, it's a baby. Losing your temper and hurting a baby is a big deal, particularly as EC continued to hurt her baby once the baby was crying. Your advice is spot on for someone who is feeling rational, but clearly EC is not. Don't belittle EC's feelings, or underestimate how out of control PND can leave someone feeling.

I hope you've managed to get things into a little more perspective now, EC. Please consider telling your dh; even if you don't tell him about hurting the baby you need to tell him how you feel. He can't understand how much support you need if you don't tell him.

DaphneHarvey · 21/04/2007 20:10

I have pulled my DD's hair and pushed her to the pavement, out in the street where everyone could see, before now. She was about 4 at the time. I was not then and never have suffered depression. Little children can just be unbelievably frustrating and irritating.

But ... a baby. I think you are clearly worried about what you did, you feel it was irrational - and so you might want to go and see your GP about help with PMT.

And, imho, now it has happened once, and you realise how horrendous it makes you feel, you will not do it again. But if you ever should feel that cold, hard, unreasonable, "I'll give you something to cry about feeling" - you will FORCE yourself to go out of the room and take a breath and get your act together. If you can't do that, then perhaps you really do need to consider outside help.

Lizzylou · 21/04/2007 20:10

EC, do get some help as others have said, so that you can enjoy your DD and you never have to feel this way again.

My friend lost her Mom just before she had her DS and I know she has struggled, you sound sensible and know you need to do something.

PinkChick · 21/04/2007 20:12

i suffered terribly with PND and dont feel i will ever really shake it off, but can manae day to day now, just sometimes i feel distant and un-bonded with my dd and she is the most wonderful, beautiful, polite and thoughtful little girl, the the next time i feel like i could cuddle her till it die. i also think lots about things i read in papers about chidren going missin and what i would do if anything ever happend to dd, thats when it decends on me.
i tried all kinds of A.d's to no avail and last year was quite literally the worst of my life, so i do know how you feel.
you DEFINATLY need to speak to you gp, your dh, contact your health visitor and ask to see c.p.n who can help.

that comment condemming you was disgusting and i know the poster likes to cause a stir and get attention but quite often doesnt know when to be tactful or just stay away, totally out of order and you are by no means a freak, we cant all deal with pnd/depression by 'pulling ourselves together'
please speak to someone, anyone and i promise THAT will start to make things better