Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi

[Fairydust26]

going through abit of a crappy time with anxiety/health anxiety at the mo so thought it would be a good idea to create this thread. I always find that when I’m feeling anxious writing it down makes me feel a little bit better so hopefully some of you might too and we can support each other through this crappy time as I know it can make you feel pretty lonely. I’m trying to not drag myself back to bed and write today off so I’ve made a cuppa put the heating on sat by the xmas tree and going to try and have a clam Saturday so come say hi

Thanks fairy I read a post on here about someone getting ill 3 days after a family member was sick which is what worried me. I really need to stop looking at sickness related posts on mumsnet..

i dread being outed but needs must.
I am single and I have been for nearly ten years after spending all my adulthood in an abusive relationship. As a child I was an unwanted child of a mother who never wanted children and openly said that she hadn't wanted children, who aborted my sibling, who hoped for a lovely little girl but instead got me and a father who was quick to criticise and say I would end up with the dregs of society.
I have always been weird and strange and so went through all of school being bullied and with no friends, obviously I am not bullied now but I have never had any friends and have no intention of trying to make any as there is nobody who would want to be friends with me and that's entirely appropriate. I would not want to impose on anybody or expect them to be a friend of mine because of what I am like.
I am on tablets for anxiety and depression but at the moment they are not helping. Most of the time I am one step away from a panic attack or crying. I have sorted out Christmas, the presents are all wrapped and ready but I have absolutely no enthusiasm for any of it. I should be doing the housework today whilst I have the house to myself but all I want to do is go back to bed. i have forced myself to eat some bread and drink a cup a soup but I can't be bothered with it.
I cannot face counselling and I cannot face joining anything to try and make friends as that is all too hard. I should have gone to a small function for my work the other day but I could not even bring myself to go into the room as I knew I would be with people who justifiably do not like me. I cannot blame for that as nobody would like me.
I would love to be the life and soul of the party and to have had the sort of personality which was likeable instead of the type of personality which is abhorrent but there is no way that that is going to change after 51 years. I am inherently unlikable and it is obvious that the problem is me as I have never had a single friend. It is a miracle that I was in a long term relationship but it was obvious that I was only in that relationship because I am no good for anything except to be used. That is OK. I will not consider another relationship ever because I know that my flaws will cause that to happen all over again so I have accepted that I will always be alone but I am not happy. I wonder if suicide is the answer but I cannot bring myself to do that either. I try to help people but I am not any good at it. I have to help people because of my chosen profession but I am a hairs breadth away from being sacked I expect because I am know that I am not any good at it. I am sure people are laughing behind my back about how useless I am and talking about how I have nothing to offer professionally or personally and they are right.
I feel ill all the time at the moment with chronic aches and pains and sickness and cannot motivate myself to do anything beyond washing up in the kitchen. I have interests but I do not want to do them, I am not interested in watching the television or listening to the radio as I cannot be bothered.
The longest conversation I have had this week is with Alexa.

Hi depths. Sorry to hear things are tough at the moment. You sound a bit depressed - have you spoken to Dr at all?
What are your plans for Christmas? Do you have family at all?

Well done for coming here and talking to us x

Don’t know where else to post. I am dealing with a major health anxiety attack. I have been dealing with this since I child but I now have a one year old and I’m frightened I am gonna die and she will be left without a Mum. I just spent 20 minutes crying while she happily played with her toys. I am convinced I have cancer and I’m going to die. This is the first major attack I’ve had since having her. I’m thinking about it 24/7. I’m crying as I post this

Holding your hand for you Pinkbedsheets everything will be okay take a deep breath, Is there somthing you could do for 5 minutes just to calm your thoughts?. Don’t feel like your alone in this as you can see many others on this thread have similar worries.

I have found a wonderful app (£2) called Prune - it's very zen with calming music and trees which grow and you have to prune them to follow a path to get to the light. Normally I regard such things as totally rubbish but it's really calmed me down today.

I’m pretty sure I’m having a panic attack. I can’t stop crying, I can’t believe I’m allowing myself to cry in front of my child. I’m trying to take deep breaths

Pinksheets I actually think it’s a good thing to cry in front of your DD. It’s good to show emotion, she might not understand, but you are showing her that it is OK to cry and not be “together” all the time. If you have anxiety/other issues bottling it up is one of the worst things you can do.

I hope that was somewhat reassuring. for you

I go and do the washing up when I have a panic attack, it helps to focus my mind on something else. I count the bubbles on the plates when I pick them up to wash them.

Thank you all. I have calmed down a bit. I have spoken to a few people but it doesn’t seem to be helping. I don’t know what to do. I keep having thoughts of me dying and leaving my baby behind. Nothing helps,before she was born it used to happen but now it feels worse as if it was to happen for whatever reason I would leave a child behind. I just feel very emotionally unstable right now

So do I. My DC has a temperature and headache and I am convinced that it's meningitis even though it almost certainly is not.
Bastard anxiety.

So sorry about your DC. It’s hard

Yep we've bought a house together. This is going to be haaaaard!

@Fairydust26

I have HA, do you obsess over a certain part of your body or is it any illness? I know some people stress over the heart.
I have it, my obsession used to be cancer. Had so much of it in my family I've pretty much diagnosed myself with all the common ones, only to find out it's minor things such as IBS (which I thought was ovarian cancer) or piles (which I thought was bowel cancer).
I even thought I had HIV once, was in such a state over it. I had the flu!

Just thought I’d chip in. I obsessed with cancer, I feel like I have it. I have had many tests for it and all clear. I recently have become obsessed as I have a black nail. Which I have had since childhood. So ten plus years. I’m convinced I have melanoma. I’m going to die and leave my child Motherless.

only to find out it's minor things such as IBS (which I thought was ovarian cancer)

This, and bowel cancer too. Or heart disease.

I know google is the devil but I can’t stop googling. Not once have I googled my symptoms and a dr has confirmed it. I know what I’m thinking is irritational and the body is a strange thing. But I can’t help but think like this, I can’t sleep, can’t eat. All I wanna do is curl up. I can feel another panic attack in coming on. No reassurance helps. Dr will tell me I’m fine and I’ll be sure they’ve missed something. I can’t cope, why did this have to come on before Christmas? I’m ruining Christmas for my daughter. I’m trying to act normal with her but I know she can tell somethings up

@Pinkbedsheets it's such an awful feeling isn't it, literally can't shake it no matter what the doctors say. Or you feel some sort of relief for a day or two then it creeps back in.
I always thought they'd missed something, because you read horror stories, "doctor shrugged off my ovarian cancer as IBS and now I have 3 months to live". You sit there and think that this is going to be you, then envision yourself on your death bed.
Since I've been pregnant my anxiety has focused on the baby and I've done nothing but stress myself out all the through. I've become obsessed with things like autism or Down's syndrome, all things I can't control but I'm so frightened. I'm not sure I'll cope with how my anxiety is if my child has a learning disability. I wish there was an off button!

I can sympathise with all the Cancer thoughts, every niggle I think that too, I get so angry at myself though because I don't want to think like that and why am I thinking these thoughts!

I'm already awake and anxious, not out my bed yet, I do have a cold and I hate it, im so bloody exhausted!

Today is going to feel like wading through treacle in a fog I already can't face getting out my bed.

EmmaLou3422 anything stomach related or feeling sick makes me panic. Think my anxiety’s more towards the fact that if I become ill I’d have to go to hospital and have an operation and tests ect. It’s so horrible though could be doing fine one minute then it’s like a switch and I’m a worrying mess if only there was a switch to turn all these thoughts off!😞.

Just braved tescos to get the last food bits my gosh it’s heaving!! You’d of thought the world was ending not xmas ha. Really could stay in bed today but have so much to do hope everyone’s doing well?😊.

@RoseDog I get angry at myself too, you know you're being silly but irrational thoughts take over and you can't stop thinking about it, it ends up ruling your life.

@Fairydust26 I hate hospitals, went in not long ago with an infection and had to stay in for two days, they never found where the infection was and just gave me two random antibiotics that round a bouts treat everything. I read my medical notes back and it said 'ovaries obstructed by bowel' so now I think I have problems with my ovaries. Whatever they gave me worked as I wasn't in pain after a few days of having it, but was really strange they couldn't find it. Made me wonder if I was even in pain or was it my head playing tricks on me, but it was severe pain at the time.

I just finished my Christmas shopping yesterday, haven't found the willpower to do any wrapping though. Nothing more tedious!

EmmaLou3422 that’s one of the worst things about HA isn’t it you never know if the symptoms your experiencing are real or if it really is all in your head!.

Finished wrapping presents today thankfully I was more organised this year and didn’t leave it all to do on xmas eve, now just waiting for dinner to cook trying to find a good xmas movie to watch and hoping to have a chilled Saturday😊.

Hi, sorry I've not been about in a while. The xmas chaos has started and having a wee anxiety flare up at the moment, trying to keep a lid on it as dh is working a full week over xmas 12hour shifts.
Bloody tooth has started playing up again and now the fental anxiety has started. Dentist told me that it's just the large filling being more sensitive and that my nerve may die
The discomfort is making me a proper grump!
Dd was sick during the night so v. little sleep which always makes everything worse.
Hoping I can keep it together for the next few days then collapse in a heap when dh is home!

dental not fental