I’m so so sorry, you poor thing. I want to reach out and give you a hug. You have done the right thing, it’s blurry at the moment, but you have.
I’m living a similar path to you, just a few years on. I lost it last night and spent a few hours sat in my car crying. It’s hard.
I don’t have the answers, but If it’s any help at all, I found getting the children a therapist who specialises in post domestic trauma worked.
I fell into this by accident. This is a slightly different type of counselling and very appropriate for the situation. They can explore with a third party how they feel without upsetting anyone. It’s for as long as the child needs it.
Save the Children charity do good support services for children. They have helped so much.
We also have CAMHS involved but I would say the most regular and consistent therapy has come from their therapists.
Sorry if I missed this, but how old is your son? Is he on the spectrum too?
This is not an ordinary separation. It will be why your friends don’t appreciate that the time away from your children is painful. There are so many factors, many unforeseen.
I don’t think you plan to leave, it just gets unbearable to the point that you break. So you’re leaving at a point where you are most damaged. Then facing a long journey with little mental resource and vulnerable children and ExH in the mix.
It’s very early days yet. You’ve been plunged from one situation into another with no guidelines.
It’s a long process, care and recovery are essential for you. We put our children first, always. But don’t forget, you lived it, you witnessed it, you need as much help to recover as they do. And you are the one doing the caring.
Save the Children fund recovery programs and counselling for parents too. Please give them a call. There might be some in your area. Xx