Money ☹

[emmalucy27]

Hi I am new to this site, nice to meet you all. I'm looking for some advice and support. I am being induced in two weeks and me and my are split up for a while as im in a mother and baby unit. My big concern is i have made a budget before baby comes and for months have thought we're not going to cope. After we have paid all bills, we are left with £600 a month, do you think we would struggle? I am terrified.

@Emma is there any reason why you don't want to let your DD go to your DP sisters? Am just thinking if you did ever change your mind it's a lot easier than once DD been handed over to the system or if you don't want to change your mind she still with family and your DP could see her or she there for you to visit if want?

Honestly as well every thing else pregnancy hormones are a world wind of roller coaster of emotions on there own. I hated being pregnant, never got that glow, never felt that amazing feeling rubbing belly, couldn't sleep or get comfortable, seeing hearing about everyone else's wonderful happy pregnancy made me feel rubbish, if I wasn't crying I was angry moody my eldest DD told me afterwards.

You said your niece gave you lots of stuff are you close to her?

Hi Emma, I've never posted on here before but felt compelled to write to you. When I was pregnant I had a very hard time with extreme sickness and suffered with depression. I couldnt see anything clearly and was so worried I wouldn't cope with having the baby and wouldn't love her. I would cry for hours on end and often wouldn't be able to get myself out of bed let alone out of the house. Then I gave birth and my feelings changed rapidly. I could see things more clearly again. Things aren't easy as we have financial pressures however give yourself a little time, time to see how you feel once the baby is here. Your feelings may change or they may remain the same. Just please give yourself the opportunity to see how you feel once the baby has arrived. Depression is such a difficult illness. Be kind to yourself

Thankyou for everyone's support. X

Take all the help you are being offered at the unit. No one on here knows your background, no one can tell you to keep the baby, all we can do is offer support and advice. You may feel different when baby is born but you might not. Take each day as it comes, take all the help/counselling and don't let anyone badger you into making the wrong decision for you, it has to be your choice.

Thankyou for your help

Hi Emma, my heart goes out to you.

I suffer from anxiety and when pregnant it always gets way, way worse - it's like as if the hormones affect it somehow.
With my anxiety and need for control the unknown is really difficult and you can't get much more of an unknown than your first baby.
Now I can't lie and say it improved when my first was born and like others above I didn't get that first rush of love, I was so caught up in the anxiety of keeping her safe and alive. But it does get easier over time if you can give yourself that time and have the right support.

Have you been offered the option of having your baby with you in the unit?

Yes that option is there. But I still don't think I'm going to cope financially and mentally. I have a meeting with social services on Wednesday a nurse from the unit has to come with me. I'm being induced next Monday and she will be taken away same day. I don't know what to expect im trying to carry on as normal but feel sick to my stomach. X

@emma is your DP going to the meeting with you?

Is it the birth that is making you feel sick to your stomach? If that's the case I remember 1st time I had to go onto ward night before and I just wanted to run away and hide it was fear of the Unknown and scarey stories people shared about birth. But honestly It ended up being only think I liked from being pregnant.

If it's other things can you write down all things you worried about what you don't know what to expect and take to meeting?

Yeah he is coming too, have to meet him there. The whole thing is making me feel sick, and can't sleep very well. I can't believe we've had to make this decision.

@emma That's why it is vital that you ensure support is in place for you afterwards and not just a few counselling sessions for few weeks.

With my first I remember leaving hospital with DD thinking crap I'm responsible now for this person. I just wanted to sleep, no clue what I was doing, gladly let anyone look after her, then bam 6weeks later I cried, cried and cried and anxiety went through roof and my feelings towards DD changed.

That's why you must ask them how they will support YOU afterwards and during, that which is going to help you get better and not Let you spiral backwards.

Take every bit of support they offer you and ask or say if you need more or if something is not working.

I will do thank you x

@emma have you got birth plan in place not that they work to plan but have they discussed pain relief options with you?

Yeah they have gone through this with me x

Don't think we're going to manage to get over the guilt im already feeling had a big cry with my partner today who came to visit at the unit. X

There's no need for guilt OP

Just make sure you've spoken to as many professionals as possible, that you're not making a rash decision, that you've thought about all options, that you've not talked each other into a corner and both feel as though you can't be the one to say "hang on a minute, in having second thoughts", that you've had as much counselling as you can beg for.

And if you go ahead with the adoption plan, you make sure that you continue to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Make sure you've got agreement from the team at the unit that they'll help you get ongoing counselling.

You've got a tough time ahead, be clear in your mind that you're making decisions for the right reasons.

Come across more problems now, on top of everything. My partner hasn't been going to work and worried he hasn't got enough to cover the house and bills. It's out of my control as I'm only getting maternity pay, starting end of October. I wish the world could swallow me up. I can't handle a baby and now a house I feel like such a failure. Xxx

Why hasn't he been going to work?

He said because he's been struggling too at home, and he doesn't like being apart from. We have to ask family to help us out this month, and he will have to go back after his two weeks off paternity. I don't know if I can trust him for this not to happen again. He said it won't xxx

Come across more problems now, on top of everything. My partner hasn't been going to work and worried he hasn't got enough to cover the house and bills. It's out of my control as I'm only getting maternity pay, starting end of October. I wish the world could swallow me up. I can't handle a baby and now a house I feel like such a failure. Xxx

Your email not a failure Emma, you're having a hard time at the moment and trying your best to deal with a difficult situation. Don't be too hard on yourself. Depression often distorts our view of things and our ability to cope.