Money ☹

[emmalucy27]

Hi I am new to this site, nice to meet you all. I'm looking for some advice and support. I am being induced in two weeks and me and my are split up for a while as im in a mother and baby unit. My big concern is i have made a budget before baby comes and for months have thought we're not going to cope. After we have paid all bills, we are left with £600 a month, do you think we would struggle? I am terrified.

We have been talking and both agree the best thing for all of us is to put baby into care, she can get the best life elsewhere.

It may be that it is best for you that your child is brought up by someone else. But the reason for that would never be that you "only" had £600 a month, because that's more than adequate.

Did you ever want this baby? You didn't abort when you found out you were pregnant, was it too late?

If your baby is adopted then she may well have a lovely adoptive family. If she's fostered and in the care system - she may very well have a terrible time.

Please make sure you talk this through with someone other than your boyfriend. Do you have access to therapy / counselling in your unit?

What are your current incomings and outgoings (rent, council tax, car payments).

What outgoings each month are making you feel so panicked? Do you have credit card debt or car lease payments for example that you are feeling suffocated by?

You haven't actually said what the £600 needs to buy?
You've said your bills and food are covered.
Babies don't use £600 of nappies, formula (if you don't breastfeed) or clothes and toys a month. They don't need designer clothes or iPads.
As someone who was adopted by a family that had lots of money to buy us toys etc but beat us and emotionally abused us adoption isn't always the happily ever after you might think it is.

I though OP said "food not included" in the post at 18.48

OP can you clarify - will you need to buy food out of the £600?

£600 a month is more disposable income than we'll have left while I'm on maternity leave, and we're both higher rate tax payers. If you feel you won't be able to cope that's one thing, but £600 a month disposable income shouldn't be a factor in that.

Altogether we get £2060 every month including £80 child ben.
Outgoings:
Rent £440
Gas/elec £93
Water £54
TV £12
Debt £70
Debt £60
Child ben £80
Council tax £104
Cigarettes £60
Phone credit £20
Tabs £40
Food £300

clothes £50
clothes £50
toiletries £20

= £607 left.
this is left in case of emergency or we need something, as you can see we don't live a spoilt life as it is, I have added clothes at the end as we are still wearing old clothes. I don't think we're going to manage a baby on this, and my partner says he is close to cracking up trying to look after me. Thank you for all the help xx

Honestly, you have loads more money than a huge part of the population.

What are the things that you'll need to spend on top of what you've listed?

You really need to speak to someone regarding your mental health, lots of posters have said that £600 is more then enough for extras yet you are still saying it's not without giving any actual ideas of what you think this £600 isn't enough for. Last month what did you spend? And the month before that??

Is the financial aspect the sole reason you are considering putting your baby in to care? As others have said, having £600 left after essentials is plenty. What do you think you might spend it on? You could probably save £200 a month and still have £100 a week for extras. The financial side seems a bit like a red herring.

Are you also anxious about the emotional and physical strains that come with a new baby? With your current fragile mental health, do you need a plan of how you are going to cope practically with the baby, focus on that rather than finances, as tbh your finances look fine.

Perhaps that's why your not getting the support you need from professionals. If it looks like your finances are your main concern, then they can see that you will be fine.

Can you talk to them about the practicalities and what support you will get in the unit and once discharged?

I'm just gunna say what everyone else is thinking, the finance is a massive worry to me the whole thing is a massive worry to me. And no I don't want the baby or anything to do with it. In an ideal world I want her to be born and gone.

You are really not going to get bty specialist support that you need here. No disrespect to my fellow posters!

Because frankly, when you have £600 spare and are allocating £100 a month each to clothes and cigarettes it's a total pisstake you say you can't afford this baby.

You clearly have serious mental health problems as you're in a unit now.

If you really don't want your baby, then forget about money and just make sure your unit is providing you with the mental health support you will need before and after giving up your baby.

If you are under pressure to give up your baby because of finances or because your boyfriend doesn't want it and is putting pressure on you, then you need to urgently speak to the staff in the unit about your options without him.

Nobody on this thread is going to tell you to put your baby in care because you "only" have £600. And are smoking away £100 a month between you

Get specialist support now if you are placing your baby for adoption, and make sure your contraception is sorted out immediately after the birth.

Was the baby unplanned, or is this something that you have started to feel more recently?

Dear OP. You're not in a good place with your mental health, and I think the worries re money are part of that.
I don't think this thread is going to be the best source of support to deal with this. Please talk to your support / mental health workers and ask for help with this anxiety.
I'm so sorry you're struggling. Wishing you (and baby) well

It's £50 each for clothes and I wasn't planning on doing that every month. And I don't smoke its my partner. Anyway thankyou for all the help

I've been asking for help every week since I've been in here, I am on maximum of tablets i can go on. I no closer to an answer, I have been self harming in here, and without meaning to do it I pre plan things in my mind, I am scared I will neglect a baby but I feel I would do this as I don't want her.

Reading between the lines I think you want to give up this baby so are fixating on the money side of things as a tangible reason to do this, I think you hoped we'd all agree with you that £600 is not enough and so could feel justified in your choice

I'm afraid it's much more complicated than that and you really really need to sit down with a professional counsellor who can help you work through your feelings and thoughts and make sure you make the right choice for the right reason.

Just to let you all know, I'm going into a mental health unit. once the baby is here, she is coming and going next week.

@emma I truly wish you all the best I really hope that you will get the help needed and support required For both you and baby.

Please make sure you find out what plans are in place to support you as I agree with @Ellis that all though everyone can give advise and support here no one is equipped to give you specialist support you need.

I really hope things do get better for you over time.

Is this a joke??

So you'll have £680 a month and you don't need to buy food with it.
Are you joking?
That's loads.

^^ This.

Try £400 a mont to live on - and you have to buy all your food/neccessities with that. Oh. And i've got two kids.

You seriously need to learn the value of money if you can't survive on £600 a month just for fun spends!

Thank you x

I've just read through the thread. Something isn't adding up to me.

This is either 100% genuine and you need serious help now or it's a really cruel wind up thread.

We have been talking and both agree the best thing for all of us is to put baby into care, she can get the best life elsewhere. - because you don't think £600 a month is enough money??

Please seek help now.

I am doing

No idea why mine and others post's were deleted by HQ. I'll try again. OP, I am not clear on this at all. I am sorry you are feeling mentally unwell, however it will pass. It's an old adage, but when you hit rock bottom the only way is up. Are you planning on giving the baby up for adoption? What about the father, can he help?

Yeah we have both decided to give her up. She is being born next week, its going to be the worst week of our lives.