Ok, well over a year ago I was prescribed anti depressants, Sertraline. so maybe I was too anxious to take it and I was really anxious about the side effects (ironic??) I had it prescribed and I never took it, I actually took it to the pharmacy a few weeks back to dispose of as I've just been under the assumption that if I got to this point ( depression, anxiety)on my own, then I can get out of it on my own. I'm now thinking maybe not. I'm sort of at a loss of what to do really. I go for CBT because I am a terrible emetaphobe and I'm actually starting to feel a little worse (maybe because September is here and I'm getting more anxious about winter illness) I've got 3 kids under 6 and every day I'm constantly worried when a bug will hit, even though all of them aren't ever Ill that often.
I'm depressed, which I know I am, I hate getting out of bed, I hate how I feel like I'm such a huge failure as a parent (OH is not supportive at all) I'm so low on self confidence and hate how I look ( have pcos which in the last 5-6 years has given me acne so bad) I actually wake up most days wanting to smother my face in bleach to burn it. (I am on tablets for that and it has helped slightly, I've just got awful scars) I've been suicidal, I have days often where I don't want to be here and have actually prayed to God that I don't wake up the next day. I'm really not sure why I'm writing here, I don't know, not got anyone to talk to about it. I've been toying with having to ring my docs again to speak about it ( again) but I'm embarrassed, I think it's not all that bad. I mean I can laugh at stuff and can have days where I'm "happy" but majority of time I honestly just wish I wasn't here. No one who knows me would ever guess I'm feeling this way. I'm at a point where I can't even cry anymore and that's strange for me as I've always been sensitive. I just think, really, what is the fucking point???
Anyone who has had similar and been in sertraline, do you honestly feel better? I'm thinking if asking docs for another go.
I don't know, my anxiety is through the roof....
Thanks for reading.