Samaritans

[CDAlady]

I am desperate and need to communicate with a kind and sane adult but can't call as my phone has sporadic reception and my dad will hear. He has dementia and I am caring for him.

I have emailed the jo@samaritans email address I found on the samaritans and nhs websites but no answer since about 5. Does anyone know if this works? If not an alternative email address for emergency support?

So, no samaritans and nobody on MN to talk to either. Feeling truly truly alone and desperate. Please somebody respond. Just say hello

Hello lovely. Give me a minute

Hello. I am not a good talker/listener but I don't want you to feel like no one cares

I am neither sane nor adult but I always have . Dementia sucks. What kind of support do you have at all? Any? None? Can social services offer any respite care?

Do you have any other family or is the burden of care totally on you?

The Samaritans email address isn't instant, I think they give a maximum of 12 hours for a reply but hopefully it should be quicker than that. Their texting service is much faster though if you fancy using that.

Thinking of you and hoping you get some support from Samaritans (I think they're fantastic by the way) or on here.

Thank you thank you! I am my dad's only family member. I am alone caring for him in a rural area with no care. My home is over 100 miles away. I have a job and children but i have to care for him atm because social services can't or won't help. I have tried and tried and tried to get help but there is nothing available. I don't even know it like my dad very much because he left us a long time ago. He is not a nice person. I can't cope. I know nobody here. I am alone. All I do is cry and care. O miss my children and I am getting in debt through not working

Sorry meant to say no car.

Eventually I guess I will get some help. I need to go back to work and to my children. In the meantime I feel very lonely and it's a huge strain as I get very little sleep and tbh am angry too. He was not a kind or present father.

Just want someone to talk to. I cry more or less all the time and can't think straight so am not able to get legal or financial things done

Carers UK have a forum but I am not sure it will be as busy as here. Do you want a good sweary vent OP?
Or if you just need company/mind off things come to the Word Association Games threads. Lovely bunch on there. Xx

You poor thing. It sounds hellish. Because it is hellish. Social Services should be ashamed.

CDAlady Goodness, that sounds absolutely draining. You are coping with a hell of a lot. It's incredibly selfless of you to take on that burden of care when you don't have a good relationship with your dad.
for you.

Is he compos mentis some of the time? Does he recognize you?
Is it ever worthwhile? What would happen if you told SS you could no longer cope and were going home? Who has your kids atm?

How awful for you, OP. Sending love. Not been in your situation but friends have. It shouldn't be this way but you have to find the energy to shout loud and often until you get a decent level of care, and then keep on shouting. I know it's exhausting. Try to gather round some rl support.

Thank you all for responding.

i am shouting for help but no help is coming.

Sweetheart can I tell you. You don't have to do this. Kind loving fathers deserve kind loving daughters. If sounds like your father was not one of these. You don't have to do this.

Lots of love and hugs to you I'm so sorry you're going through this. Remember you have to look after yourself. If you miss your kids take a break, go home and restore. Please don't burn yourself into the ground. You matter

'Ellefriends' on mind website has some excellent support chat forums/rooms you might find some solace in this overnight. I do think that tomorrow you need to ring social services and tell them you cant care any longer and he needs emergency respite care, they have to keep him safe. Otherwise your going to be very unwell and neither of you will be in a safe environment. You are in no way obligated to care for your father,and it sounds like it is having a massively detrimental impact on your health, you are doing neither him or yourself any favours trying to soldier on. Youve done your best and that is all anyone could ask for

Handhold here for you

So sorry. I know how depressing caring can be.
Which options for care have you looked at for him that weren't possible?

The Samaritans email does work but the reply can come the next day in my single experience. X

He is compos mentis some of the time. He knows who I am. I organised respite care for him but he refused. He wants permanent private residential care which we can't afford.

Thank you. Will look into ellefriends

Has he had a capacity and financial assessment recently? Does he need someone with him 24/7? Even respite carers into his home or overnight sitters would give you a break x

There are lots of different options for Care here but we can't afford them. We have to wait and see what SS will fund and it is taking a very long time.

Has your Dad had a needs assessment from SS?
Have you had a carer's assessment?