Samaritans

[CDAlady]

I am desperate and need to communicate with a kind and sane adult but can't call as my phone has sporadic reception and my dad will hear. He has dementia and I am caring for him.

I have emailed the jo@samaritans email address I found on the samaritans and nhs websites but no answer since about 5. Does anyone know if this works? If not an alternative email address for emergency support?

I can't just walk away from him. He is vulnerable and the nearest hospital is 25 miles away

I have been waiting 8 weeks for an assessment. Someone came today and either there was deliberate avoidance or miss communication but they said they could only put enablement in place they said that despite my repeated calls they had no idea how much care he needed and they can only offer half hour a day. They have referred me to some other SS dept. no idea which. I am so tired I can't keep on top of ego I am speaking to and what they do.

No carers assessment no

Sorry tired typos. Despite my calls for help they seemed surprised when they arrived that he needed so much support. After I told them our situation they said yes obviously thus is urgent and we will urgently refer you to blah blah blah team. Sorry to sound pathetic but I am so tired and have spoken to so many people and still no clear idea about how the system operates.

I genuinely can't help because I know nothing about the system but i wonder if it's worth reposting on another part of MN (can anyone suggest where?) maybe tomorrow to see if anyone can help you with your rights and how to fight this? It seems so much to be doing alone

I am a phD student and public sector worker so I am reasonably in the ball and understand the pressure public services are under but I still can't cope with it. I don't understand the system and I don't know what to do to make it work for us. I spend most of the day in the phone to various individuals and agencies but get nowhere. Basically I think the system has broken down, as have I

Okay, so you need to get a notebook and write down who/when/what was said. You then need Sleep hard as it is (especially with wanderers).
You need to ask yourself how long does your Dad have (sorry) and how long can you actually do this for?
Does he own his house? Does he have savings? Can you forfeit these things to self-fund?

CD, Samaritans are trialing a text number with a one hour response, you can google the number but they don't widely advertise it widely. I hope this helps and you hear back soon

I do need specislist advice, yes.

In the meantime I needed human kindness. And I got it. Thank you. I am going to try and sleep now

Ah thank you will look for the text number

Here for you OP hope you fall asleep, otherwise you have MN to snoop around if it helps. Hugs

Yes for sure we will have to sell the house but even that won't cover the cost. Care is about £50,000 a year and his house is worth about £150,000. If he is in private care the money will run out v quickly

Good night all and thank you!

Sorry if I sounded "business mode"/naggy OP! I hope you get a good night's sleep lovely and I will come back to the thread tomorrow after work
Xx

^ Yes, that was the situation for my nan. My mum ended up as carer for many years, she had to resign from her job, got carer's allowance and nursed her. Nan sold the house and bought larger with my mum but it was hard going on both.
You also need power of attorney if you don't have already.
Speak tomorrow X

I try to be business like and try to write lists and names endlessly but just end up with a shit load of info which I can't sift through it act on.

Re money. Of course we will be spending all his savings, the house and our own money. It's still nowhere hear enough 🙁

Night night

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/deferred-payment-agreements-for-long-term-care/amp

Night CDA x

Hope you get a decent sleep.

A couple of suggestions/questions:

Does your father have a landline installed in his home?

You mentioned sporadic reception. How are you connected to MN? Wifi, mobile data, or something else?

Are you able to request a carer's assessment for yourself? You can do this via your local authority in your hometown, not your father's local authority.

Do you have any siblings or other responsible adults in your generation, such as cousins or friends? Would someone come and be with you for a short period whilst you are with your father?

Thank you very much for your continuing posts!

My mobile does not have reception here but we do have wifi so I can make whatsapp calls and use the internet. The landline works but this is a small bungalow and my dad can hear when I call SS etc. I can't use the landline to lake personal calls because I don't want him to hear me complaining!

I have a sister but she stopped contact with my dad over 20 years ago as he is an unpleasant and difficult person. He has no other relatives at all apart from his grandchildren. DH is at home with my children and they are teens do it's ok. But, I still don't want to be here and I need to be working as DH doesn't have a job.

Still nothing from ss. I have an appointment with his GP this afternoon. I will tell them I can't cope but O have done that several times now over the phone and they just tell me to wait for ss.

I didn't sleep properly last night again. But, samaritans replied to my email so I know they are there now.

Oh love I've been in your position and I know how hard it is. I remember sobbing down the phone to a lovely lady on a carers helpline. I don't know where in the UK you are, but have you looked on the internet to see if there's one in your are?

Is there anything on this website that might help? There also might be support groups in your area?

www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-support

A carers helpline would be good. Shall I google carers helpline do you think?

Ok, I have found a carers helpline but really it's for people who are carers rather than people caring in an emergency. I can't be my father's carer. I have a DH, job, home and family 100 miles away.

Hi OP I used to do SS assessments.

re-enablement is often offered as a first step. It gives time to assess your dads abilities/not/see if any adaptations can help and usually isn't charged for. It's better than getting a care server ex to start with as usually there are lots of different professionals in the team e.g. Physiology/occupational therapist/pharmacist as well as care worker. I'd take whatever they are offering to start with- foot in the door IYSWIM. Then after 4-6 weeks there is usually a review to see where to go next. Sometimes a re-ablement service is increased/decreased during that period so don't think that half an out is a final decision!

But to be honest if they've been out, seen what the situation is you are perfectly entitled to phone up and say, "I've got to go home" and don't accept any persuading otherwise. It's ok to say "no, I need to go home".

If your dad is not safe by himself they will sort him out with somewhere temporarily. If he needs a few visits a day, again, they will sort that out too.

If however, your dad wants someone around all the time, or wants to go to a home but doesn't 'need' it they would be unlikely to organise that. The threshold is quite high for 24hr care i.e. The person is unsafe on their own.

Re funding- if your dad 'needs' 24 care so goes into a home, once house money gets to around £22k social services would contribute. If he stays in his home, he wouldn't have to sell the house to pay for his care. He'd be assessed for care costs according to his income. It is not expected that family pay for it!

Agh auto correct. Physiotherapist and care service!