Hope I'm posting in the right place.
All my life I've struggled coping when people are ill. I'm not sure how to describe it .. it may be an illness phobia or it may just be insecurity on my part ... or both. I do suffer with emetaphobia.
My bf of two years suffers with a chronic illness that means he frequently feels very sick. I love him very much and am trying very hard to find a way of coping. I think partly I struggle because of the emetaphobia but there is definitely an element of not feeling loved because he's so different when he feels ill .. withdrawn, quiet, doesn't want to cuddle or kiss - understandably, and if it was the usual case of having that kind of illness once in a while I'd cope, maybe. But it's often and I'm really struggling.
As a bit of a background, through counselling I've come to realise that my parents were a bit distant, and I'm an only child AND we moved around a lot so very few friends, mainly played alone, parents didn't play with me either ... I now seem to crave approval and love. I've very low self esteem and struggle with depression. I seem to need constant signs that I'm loved. My bf is very loving - when he's well.
I don't have friends and don't work due to long term GAD and health anxiety. This means I'm very isolated. Bf and I don't live together but spend most of our time together, a situation we're both happy with.
I know I'm not being fair to him, he doesn't choose to be ill, and I want to be able to cope.
Please don't judge me. I'm just looking for a bit of advice. Does anyone feel the same and found a way of coping?