If I go to a&e will they tell anyone ?

[anywhichwayup]

I'm having thoughts of suicide and it comes in waves. I know I'm being irrational but I darent go to a&e incase they tell someone. My kids are sleeping over at a relatives and I'm on my own. I'm in so much emotional pain and I can't see anything to live for even though I have kids they seem happier when I'm or there but I feel trapped in life knowing they would hurt to find out I had died. If I go to a&e what will happen will they tell anybody I'm there? I need some help

You aren't trapped. You mood is telling you that and making you feel worthless & hopeless. Honestly it's your own mind that isn't ok at the moment, there is light at the end of the tunnel, you just cant see it yet, but you will if you hang on in there

Thankyou everyone for your ongoing support

The thought that he's seen me give birth and those moments have now gone and wasted I will never be able to get those moments back they are all gone and damaged

Why isn't god or anyone listening to me when I'm begging and crying for him to listen and help me? I thought he was supposed to help? Why is it not going away it's unbearable

It's bloody horrible to split up with someone that meant so much to you, but many of us have been there before and you CAN and WILL get through it. Time changes everything and you won't feel like this forever!

The moments when you gave birth were definitely not wasted, your children were born. Who cares if he saw you give birth, the fact is that you did it and if he wasn't there that day you still would have done it. You are capable of doing everything on your own until you choose to share your life with someone else. You can do this

I just mean that those are memories that I feel are now tarnished along with others.

I've struggled with depression for so long but not everyday has been a bad day I've been nice to him and affectionate and that never changed. I struggled a lot round the house and with the kids buthhougjt it was normal I was obviously wrong.

Now he's so angry with me and I don't know why I feel I'm getting all the blame and I'm not coping. Family holidays I will be excluded from I was so close to his family

A&E will not be able to tell anyone whose contact details you do not disclose. They will however ask whether you have any children. If you have anyone whom you prefer not to know what is going on you can make this explicit to the hospital staff. I am not sure on what grounds your preferences can be ignored, it has never come up for me.

I hope that the suicidal thoughts and feelings pass soon. If you feel as if you might act on the thoughts, go to A&E, or dial 999. Better to do this than to attempt to procure a hug by standing on a bridge.

Sending a virtual (((hug))).

I thought I would update you all as you have been so very supportive and selfless taking the time to 'talk me down' should I say.

I'm in a similar place to last night again but feeling a tiny tiny tiny bit better and I think that's due to the initial kick off of events happening 24hrs ago are no longer fresh if that makes sense.

I have my 3 year old cuddled up next to me and I love her so much. It kills me a thousand times over when we have to share them it's not something I imagined having to do when I gave birth to them.

I had one of those slimzone fraudulent slimming world meals from Asda the chicken dinner one. I'm not sure if it was shit or just my shit appetite after not eating anything since Thursday night.

I've had some water too and a nap at my mums house.

I just wanted to say thankyou.
I know I don't know any of you but just know you helped.

and virtual hugs, I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this, I hope things get better for you x.

So do i I've never felt pain like this and my life has been turned upside down.

Maybe you should go to A&E I believe they do have a mental health team there, I think it would help you a lot if you spoke to someone, nobody deserves to feel the way you do.

I am glad that you find posting here helpful. Keep posting if it helps.

I am glad that you managed to eat something. My experience is that not eating makes my thoughts worse.

I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. There are lots of us on MN who struggle. I find the ongoing threads helpful. There is one at the moment called "Small steps support thread" which might help you to take one day at a time?

Sharing DC is awful. But you fall into a pattern eventually. Plan something for yourself on the days you don't have them, even if it's just a long bath or a walk or a good book.

Sending you hugs and strength Op. I have been where you are now, it's not a nice place and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I just want to tell you that things do get better, it probably doesn't feel like it ever will. 6 months ago I was at my lowest, I had already been to A+E and had phoned crisis team who gave me advice, it felt like there was no real help for me even though people were trying. The best advice I was given was on mumsnet, I was told to take it an hour at a time, get through the next hour and don't think too far ahead. Talking to people on here helped a lot. I still have low days but I tell myself that I survived rock bottom so I can survive anything. I can't go back to how I was before (I shamefully self medicated with diazepam and other prescription drugs, to make me sleep as I couldn't cope with being awake), I risked losing my kids so I had to change and try harder.

Take things a hour at a time but also plan to do some exciting/happy things with your dc, maybe arrange to meet a friend.

Well done to continue to communicate when you obviously feel at rock bottom is a real sign of strength. Lovemusic's plan of an hour at a time and enjoying your kids etc is good as is continuing with basic maintenance like rest, food and hydration. I am sure that you would feel compassion for someone in your shoes, so allow yourself some self compassion. The shock of this will take time to absorb, but than it not the same as not recovering you will gradually begin to move forward. Continue to seek support,if not from a and e, go and talk to your gp as well as posting on here. Virtual hugs.