If I go to a&e will they tell anyone ?

[anywhichwayup]

I'm having thoughts of suicide and it comes in waves. I know I'm being irrational but I darent go to a&e incase they tell someone. My kids are sleeping over at a relatives and I'm on my own. I'm in so much emotional pain and I can't see anything to live for even though I have kids they seem happier when I'm or there but I feel trapped in life knowing they would hurt to find out I had died. If I go to a&e what will happen will they tell anybody I'm there? I need some help

[mylaptopismylapdog]

Well done to continue to communicate when you obviously feel at rock bottom is a real sign of strength. Lovemusic's plan of an hour at a time and enjoying your kids etc is good as is continuing with basic maintenance like rest, food and hydration. I am sure that you would feel compassion for someone in your shoes, so allow yourself some self compassion. The shock of this will take time to absorb, but than it not the same as not recovering you will gradually begin to move forward. Continue to seek support,if not from a and e, go and talk to your gp as well as posting on here. Virtual hugs.

[Lovemusic33]

Sending you hugs and strength Op. I have been where you are now, it's not a nice place and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I just want to tell you that things do get better, it probably doesn't feel like it ever will. 6 months ago I was at my lowest, I had already been to A+E and had phoned crisis team who gave me advice, it felt like there was no real help for me even though people were trying. The best advice I was given was on mumsnet, I was told to take it an hour at a time, get through the next hour and don't think too far ahead. Talking to people on here helped a lot. I still have low days but I tell myself that I survived rock bottom so I can survive anything. I can't go back to how I was before (I shamefully self medicated with diazepam and other prescription drugs, to make me sleep as I couldn't cope with being awake), I risked losing my kids so I had to change and try harder.

Take things a hour at a time but also plan to do some exciting/happy things with your dc, maybe arrange to meet a friend.

[Howmanysleepstilchristmas]

Sharing DC is awful. But you fall into a pattern eventually. Plan something for yourself on the days you don't have them, even if it's just a long bath or a walk or a good book.

[erinaceus]

I am glad that you find posting here helpful. Keep posting if it helps.

I am glad that you managed to eat something. My experience is that not eating makes my thoughts worse.

I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. There are lots of us on MN who struggle. I find the ongoing threads helpful. There is one at the moment called "Small steps support thread" which might help you to take one day at a time?

[ThatWouldBeGreat]

Maybe you should go to A&E I believe they do have a mental health team there, I think it would help you a lot if you spoke to someone, nobody deserves to feel the way you do.

[anywhichwayup]

So do i I've never felt pain like this and my life has been turned upside down.

[ThatWouldBeGreat]

and virtual hugs, I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this, I hope things get better for you x.

[anywhichwayup]

I thought I would update you all as you have been so very supportive and selfless taking the time to 'talk me down' should I say.

I'm in a similar place to last night again but feeling a tiny tiny tiny bit better and I think that's due to the initial kick off of events happening 24hrs ago are no longer fresh if that makes sense.

I have my 3 year old cuddled up next to me and I love her so much. It kills me a thousand times over when we have to share them it's not something I imagined having to do when I gave birth to them.

I had one of those slimzone fraudulent slimming world meals from Asda the chicken dinner one. I'm not sure if it was shit or just my shit appetite after not eating anything since Thursday night.

I've had some water too and a nap at my mums house.

I just wanted to say thankyou.
I know I don't know any of you but just know you helped.

[erinaceus]

A&E will not be able to tell anyone whose contact details you do not disclose. They will however ask whether you have any children. If you have anyone whom you prefer not to know what is going on you can make this explicit to the hospital staff. I am not sure on what grounds your preferences can be ignored, it has never come up for me.

I hope that the suicidal thoughts and feelings pass soon. If you feel as if you might act on the thoughts, go to A&E, or dial 999. Better to do this than to attempt to procure a hug by standing on a bridge.

Sending a virtual (((hug))).

[anywhichwayup]

I just mean that those are memories that I feel are now tarnished along with others.

I've struggled with depression for so long but not everyday has been a bad day I've been nice to him and affectionate and that never changed. I struggled a lot round the house and with the kids buthhougjt it was normal I was obviously wrong.

Now he's so angry with me and I don't know why I feel I'm getting all the blame and I'm not coping. Family holidays I will be excluded from I was so close to his family

[Nancy91]

It's bloody horrible to split up with someone that meant so much to you, but many of us have been there before and you CAN and WILL get through it. Time changes everything and you won't feel like this forever!

The moments when you gave birth were definitely not wasted, your children were born. Who cares if he saw you give birth, the fact is that you did it and if he wasn't there that day you still would have done it. You are capable of doing everything on your own until you choose to share your life with someone else. You can do this

[anywhichwayup]

Thankyou everyone for your ongoing support


The thought that he's seen me give birth and those moments have now gone and wasted I will never be able to get those moments back they are all gone and damaged

Why isn't god or anyone listening to me when I'm begging and crying for him to listen and help me? I thought he was supposed to help? Why is it not going away it's unbearable

[LorLorr2]

You aren't trapped. You mood is telling you that and making you feel worthless & hopeless. Honestly it's your own mind that isn't ok at the moment, there is light at the end of the tunnel, you just cant see it yet, but you will if you hang on in there

[LorLorr2]

Please make a doctor's appointment xx

[NolongerAnxiousCarer]

well done for making it through the night. As you say your children love you and need you. There is help available that can help you to feel better without stopping you from caring for your children. Antidepressants, dont stop you feeling emotions they just help you to feel better.

A&E can keep you safe and get cisis team to assess you, in some areas you can ring crisis team directly the number should be available online or through your local hospital switchboard. Another option is 111, they have sent an out of hours GP to see my husband in the past when his mental health has been bad or they may book you an appointment to see one locally to you.

Right now things feel unbearable, but this will pass, you can get through this, I speak from experience.

[anywhichwayup]

I've spoken to Samaritans for an hour

Still feel shocking. There's too much to say too much to explain it really really painful

I feel trapped in this life with no way out my children have me trapped becuase they love me and I love them and don't want to hurt them it's just so cruel

I can't stand the way that life is so cruel I feel like we all go to heaven because right now what we are living in is hell. This isn't life there is too much pain and I need to disconnect from feeling emotion to stop this pain but if I disconnect from emotion then I won't have emotion to care about my kids anymore. I'm going in circles

[ladylambkin]

You haven't failed. This a a blip, things will get better. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for

Sleep is good but I can totally relate to the exhaustion you are experiencing, your emotional state uses a lot of energy and can floor you.

Please, if you are still having suicidal thought's, seek medical advice.

[MrsSthe3rd]

Sorry about the questions, my phone wasn't refreshing.

[MrsSthe3rd]

How are you this morning?

Did you manage to speak to anybody?

[Lozzie12]

Just to reassure you if you go to A&E they will arrange for CRISIS team to see you, they will absolutely not contact your estranged partner or anyone else without your knowledge and consent. I hope things improve for you soon.

[ItsNotRocketScienceThough]

Hey - you've made it through the night - you managed to get some sleep - and the sun hasn't fallen out of the sky.

I know samaritans have been suggested and A&E - I'm pretty sure you can also contact relate online for a chat. That might help you if the breakdown of your relationship with your dh is what's making you feel so bad just now. It sounds like speaking to dh was more than you could manage yesterday and they might be able to help with that.
You can do this but it'll feel better if you get some help.
Please get some.

[duffinthemule]

You are ill. You need to seek medical help either through your gp or a&e.
You will be taken seriously.

This is an illness, the same as any physical one, and if you are having suicidal thoughts and impulses then you are very seriously poorly and need medical help.

I know how you feel: I really really know. You can get better but it is nigh on impossible alone.

Please seek some medical help as soon as you can.

[tiba]

You haven't failed.

It doesn't sound fair at all that he is talking to you in that way.

It's not fair that your in-laws have left you too, but that happened to me back in 2015 so know how hard that can feel at the time. I loved his parents more than I did him and just never saw them or heard from them again.

That doesn't define you though.

They are not important. You are.
You need to look after yourself to look after others (your children).

You haven't failed them. You have been failed by the sounds of it.

It might feel lonely now. I know that feeling very well, but things soon get better.

[anywhichwayup]

I fell asleep again sorry I'm not trying to make you all worry. I'm feeling like the most hated person on the planet . I've not done something terrible in my marriage I've not beaten my dh and I haven't cheated. We spoke for the first time tonight since he left and I purposely tried to talk amicably with a smile and I didn't raise my voice once. He was a complete different person, he was hostile towards me and seemed to twist every word I said. I'm devestated I'm heartbroken. Everyone's telling me I need to focus on the kids and they are my main concern but how do you look after children when you feel like this ? I've lost him and I've lost his family who I absolutely love to bits and it's all gone. I will be forever connected through the kids and I can't cope I can't pick them up later I can't face today I feel like completely failed everybody

[ColdCottage]

Hugs from me too.

I don't have much time to write now and have only read op's posts.

You are down in the mud now and it's is dark and horrible but the sun will come out again, it always does.

Please reach out to the support suggestions made it might feel hard but you can do it and you are so worth it.

Be kind to yourself and stay strong until you get the help you need.