If I go to a&e will they tell anyone ?

[anywhichwayup]

I'm having thoughts of suicide and it comes in waves. I know I'm being irrational but I darent go to a&e incase they tell someone. My kids are sleeping over at a relatives and I'm on my own. I'm in so much emotional pain and I can't see anything to live for even though I have kids they seem happier when I'm or there but I feel trapped in life knowing they would hurt to find out I had died. If I go to a&e what will happen will they tell anybody I'm there? I need some help

[MissEDashwood]

Oh hunni, my phones about to go, but wanted to leave hugs for you xxx

[MineKraftCheese]

Another message just to let you know that you matter, I hope you are doing ok, I hope you have managed to get some help.

I have had suicidal thoughts on and off for about twenty years. Medication helps me but it never completely goes away especially at low or stressful times in my life. But the thoughts are irrational and a symptom of an illness.

I wish I could hug you

[Mummyoflittledragon]

You sound so desperate and I do absolutely understand. I have a chronic illness and there are periods of time when I feel absolutely desperate and wouldn't care if my life ended. Please go and see an out of hours gp today for some help. You sound absolutely distraught and want someone to take the raging thoughts away (police woman hug). There is help out there. Both counselling (which I know is hard to get) and medication. Your children probably think you're the most important person on the planet. And you are very important and worthwhile and worth saving. So give yourself a hug and some love and you can take some from us too, then go and find some help.

[BarelyHere]

right, that's three times my pc has shut down now trying to talk to you! You are not crazy, suicidal thoughts...they are as much an illness as a broken leg. You obviously don't want to act on it or you wouldn't have posted. So tell them this. It's horrible negative thoughts, I've had the same. I got help and they haven't taken my kids away. Im in counselling, after 20 years I've finally got a good one. I've been assessed by the local mental health unit and they didn't take me in. If it helps my friend is a trainee social worker and their aim is to keep families together not tear them apart. Please don't worry, sleep and you may be more clear headed. we are all here for you.

[Nancy91]

Hopefully you've managed to get some sleep. From what you've said, I recommend that you go to the doctors for an emergency appointment for this. Get on anti depressants immediately, from there you will start to gradually feel better until you are happy again. They will ask if you have thoughts of harming yourself, you don't have to say yes, you can say you feel like you're creeping towards that as the depression is worsening.

The hard thing with being depressed and suicidal is that you can't tell that you're ill. It feels like it's your personality. That's how I felt 6 months ago, but looking back, I was so sick. I'm a completely different person now, and you will be too.

The Samaritans only really listen. You need immediate help now and maybe CBT or something later.

If you need any help, just give me a shout

[anywhichwayup]

Just letting you know I am grateful and I'm reading I'm just exhausted

[Howmanysleepstilchristmas]

Go to A&E. They may do a routine referral for the dc, but definitely wont tell your ex. Social services may or may not speak (and I do just mean 1 conversation) to you, but it's clear you're protecting your kids: they have someone else to stay with when you are struggling (like last night), you haven't acted to harm yourself when they've in the house, or told them how you feel, so you've actively shielded them and not exposed them to what you're going through. There's no way in the world they'll take them from you based on what you've said. You need and deserve help. A&E can help you get it

[anywhichwayup]

God this is so difficult I can't do this why is this so hard it will never be ok I can't be strong enough around the kids

[Igottastartthinkingbee]

Please get some help asap. How old are your kids?

[Nancy91]

Unfortunately A&E may not be able to do much and you may be waiting around all day for an assessment to be sent home

If you go to the doctor don't leave without a prescription for an antidepressant. As soon as you start taking them you'll be starting the journey to normality. So many people take them and there isn't a stigma around them these days.

I really hope you aren't putting too much pressure on yourself to hide this from your family, it is an illness and you can take medicine and get better. You're going to be fine

[tiba]

You are stronger than you think.
You are still here now

Hope you slept well.

Is your docs open Saturday mornings or do you need to call out of hours to be seen today?

[notabee]

Hi Op, I'm sorry things seem so hard for you right now.
I've been there too and it's a horrible and lonely place to be.
Whatever you think, your DC do need you and would never get over losing their mum.
What you're feeling is a symptom of an illness and it is temporary. Things will change, they always do, things rarely stay static. What you're thinking about is permanent, no going back and certainly no hugs from your DC.
Don't look weeks ahead. Get through today then get through tonight. Take it hour by hour if you need. DO get help though.
You don't know me but I care what happens to you.
Wrt a&e, they won't tell an ex partner. Probably the most they'd tell is your GP and so ribs from the MH team. This is good though, they can help you access the help you need.
Do you have anyone in person you can tell? Ask them for help.
I have a couple of people that know my history that I know I can contact if I think I need desperate help. This really does help to have.
Keep posting if you need to, you may get better responses in the MH section though. Take care

[YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet]

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

[ColdCottage]

Hugs from me too.

I don't have much time to write now and have only read op's posts.

You are down in the mud now and it's is dark and horrible but the sun will come out again, it always does.

Please reach out to the support suggestions made it might feel hard but you can do it and you are so worth it.

Be kind to yourself and stay strong until you get the help you need.

[anywhichwayup]

I fell asleep again sorry I'm not trying to make you all worry. I'm feeling like the most hated person on the planet . I've not done something terrible in my marriage I've not beaten my dh and I haven't cheated. We spoke for the first time tonight since he left and I purposely tried to talk amicably with a smile and I didn't raise my voice once. He was a complete different person, he was hostile towards me and seemed to twist every word I said. I'm devestated I'm heartbroken. Everyone's telling me I need to focus on the kids and they are my main concern but how do you look after children when you feel like this ? I've lost him and I've lost his family who I absolutely love to bits and it's all gone. I will be forever connected through the kids and I can't cope I can't pick them up later I can't face today I feel like completely failed everybody

[tiba]

You haven't failed.

It doesn't sound fair at all that he is talking to you in that way.

It's not fair that your in-laws have left you too, but that happened to me back in 2015 so know how hard that can feel at the time. I loved his parents more than I did him and just never saw them or heard from them again.

That doesn't define you though.

They are not important. You are.
You need to look after yourself to look after others (your children).

You haven't failed them. You have been failed by the sounds of it.

It might feel lonely now. I know that feeling very well, but things soon get better.

[duffinthemule]

You are ill. You need to seek medical help either through your gp or a&e.
You will be taken seriously.

This is an illness, the same as any physical one, and if you are having suicidal thoughts and impulses then you are very seriously poorly and need medical help.

I know how you feel: I really really know. You can get better but it is nigh on impossible alone.

Please seek some medical help as soon as you can.

[ItsNotRocketScienceThough]

Hey - you've made it through the night - you managed to get some sleep - and the sun hasn't fallen out of the sky.

I know samaritans have been suggested and A&E - I'm pretty sure you can also contact relate online for a chat. That might help you if the breakdown of your relationship with your dh is what's making you feel so bad just now. It sounds like speaking to dh was more than you could manage yesterday and they might be able to help with that.
You can do this but it'll feel better if you get some help.
Please get some.

[Lozzie12]

Just to reassure you if you go to A&E they will arrange for CRISIS team to see you, they will absolutely not contact your estranged partner or anyone else without your knowledge and consent. I hope things improve for you soon.

[MrsSthe3rd]

How are you this morning?

Did you manage to speak to anybody?

[MrsSthe3rd]

Sorry about the questions, my phone wasn't refreshing.

[ladylambkin]

You haven't failed. This a a blip, things will get better. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for

Sleep is good but I can totally relate to the exhaustion you are experiencing, your emotional state uses a lot of energy and can floor you.

Please, if you are still having suicidal thought's, seek medical advice.

[anywhichwayup]

I've spoken to Samaritans for an hour

Still feel shocking. There's too much to say too much to explain it really really painful

I feel trapped in this life with no way out my children have me trapped becuase they love me and I love them and don't want to hurt them it's just so cruel

I can't stand the way that life is so cruel I feel like we all go to heaven because right now what we are living in is hell. This isn't life there is too much pain and I need to disconnect from feeling emotion to stop this pain but if I disconnect from emotion then I won't have emotion to care about my kids anymore. I'm going in circles

[NolongerAnxiousCarer]

well done for making it through the night. As you say your children love you and need you. There is help available that can help you to feel better without stopping you from caring for your children. Antidepressants, dont stop you feeling emotions they just help you to feel better.

A&E can keep you safe and get cisis team to assess you, in some areas you can ring crisis team directly the number should be available online or through your local hospital switchboard. Another option is 111, they have sent an out of hours GP to see my husband in the past when his mental health has been bad or they may book you an appointment to see one locally to you.

Right now things feel unbearable, but this will pass, you can get through this, I speak from experience.

[LorLorr2]

Please make a doctor's appointment xx